Diggitydave Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 This sounds real weird but, is anyone here always worried about your actions and statements with someone you love, after you say them or do them get real worried that the other person would take them the wrong way and then try to fix them and drill into their head what you were trying to say even though they probably believed you or got it the first time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keenan Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Yes. (Raises hand) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I've been like that before.. it really irks them and comes off sounding like I think they're an idiot when I state the same thing 10 different ways to make sure they know what I "mean" and not just what I "say". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 This sounds real weird but, is anyone here always worried about your actions and statements with someone you love, after you say them or do them get real worried that the other person would take them the wrong way and then try to fix them and drill into their head what you were trying to say even though they probably believed you or got it the first time? Oh man, do I EVER know some people around here like that! As for me...I used to be. Most definitely. I can say in my last relationship I was that person whom always second guessed my feelings if I was upset, or if I was hurt...and would often be apologizing to them for "being upset" when they really should of been apologizing for what they did! But I was so eager and determined to keep the peace I did it. I was so spineless basically in myself that I projected my own self doubts and inadequacies back onto myself, believing it was THEIR viewpoint. Now, out of that relationship, moved on and with someone new, I have realized a lot of that was insecurity, and low self esteem and independence on my part. Now I realized and discovered relationships really ARE partnerships and if one of you is always feeling as I did, it signals a great imbalance and probably some gut feelings the other is maybe not so into you as you are them, otherwise they would be working things out with you and you would not be the one so desperately trying to "fix things up yourself". I guess now I am just more aware of who I am, what I need, want, and less "fearful" of standing up for myself, even if it meant that I lost someone because I did not want to be treated badly, or settle for less, then I realized that it was worth it...does that make sense? And since I realized that, I have not had to even worry about that, as I found someone whom treats me magnificently, even in disagreements. I never have to deny my needs or wants, or apologize for feelings and so forth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diggitydave Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 wow there is someone else out there like me? Even though we have been broken up when the time comes around where she contacts me as hurtful as it is. I still try to rehash the conversations and make sure she knew what i meant and blah blah blah...what the heck is wrong with me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 You're human. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genuwinemissy Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 yea, I definetly know what u mean. Sometimes I do that, but I find I only do when I'm with someone who doesn't know me extremely well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coollady1957 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I can imagine that alot of us have done that at one time or another. I am not typically that kind of person. If I consciously and immediately realize that I mistate something or say something that sounded unclear in my own thoughts , then I will correct it, But I have never been the type to second guess, or try to re-explain something in a effort to " be sure" that they understand. I would imagine most times, if there is not enough clarity in what is said, that some one will ask to be told again. My ex boyfriend was one of those people that constantly , and I do mean constantly ,repeated stuff that he would say to me. Even when would I would say " okay", or " i understand" the first time, he always still felt the need to keep re explaining or re saying what ever he had on his mind. I would tell him, " Hun, I understand. You DONT have to keep repeating." Or he would constantly ask me,,," do you follow me? " when he would say something or explain something? And the whole time I would be sitting or standing there listening intently and nodding my head in understanding and agreement. NOw my EX was a chronic liar, deciever , and cheater. I dont know if this was his way of being sure I was falling for his lies, and being sure I was believing or understanding what he said. I never saw or heard him do this with others, only with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Coollady, Good point! I've always felt that sort of repetition was a liar's telltale sign. You get my drift? Nome sane? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keenan Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I don't understand. Will you explain it again, please? And a third time? So what you're saying is that.... Hmmm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Ok... that would drive me crazy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coollady1957 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 LAUGHING HERE AT KEENAN !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diggitydave Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 I am not a liar. and i never cheated. I was just always afraid that people took things the wrong way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I don't believe you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diggitydave Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 So are you saying i am a liar cheater and deceiver? I loved my ex with all my heart. It's just weird i always thought she took things the wrong way when she didn't and i always wanted to make sure she wasn't mad with me when she acted weird and that she approved of me. Some people say it stems from self esteem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coollady1957 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I am not sure who you directed that last post toward. I wasnt making any reference toward you or why you might feel the need to re explain things. I only made an observation about my boyfriend and why maybe HE did his re explaining and re stating the same things over and over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keenan Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Dave, I think NJRon was making a joke by playing on your first post, in which you said you repeat yourself even though the person probably believed you the first time. And I thought it was funny. Sorry it hit wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 DiggityDave, I understand how you feel when you worry about if people took things you say the wrong way so you try to say it again to reinforce your point. I am like that a lot with my friends, people at work, just in general. I just got home from meeting up with a friend of my dad's to get some job hunting tips and see if he could help me with my job search. I get nervous when I have to meet people (even people I do somewhat know) and I spent part of the conversation trying to reiterate something I said because I was afraid that he would take it the wrong way. It is something we all do. I will tend to do it esp when I am in the beginning stages of creating a friendship. If I want to be friends with someone, I tend to get nervous about how people take things I say and if I see, by their actions or emotions or facial reactions, that they might have not taken what I said the right way, I will spend a part of the conversation trying to reiterate what I said. Sometimes, that is a sign of low self-esteem that you think what you say is not important enough for someone to take notice, so you try to reiterate it so that they DO take notice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Dave, after reading your OP I'm very sorry I joked about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I think my reason for doing it is I've been in academia too long. So many things have to be repeated ad nauseam for the students to pick on the concepts (pounding it into their heads is frowned upon for some reason ). In social settings I have to consciously stop myself from saying things 5 different ways, it's annoying for me and the people I talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diggitydave Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 I'm sorry I am very touchy and very defensive. If someone were to tell me a specific reason for why I broke up i'd probably believe it. My sense of self is so low and my self esteem is shattered. I am sorry I get defensive. Very much so on edge right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keenan Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I think my reason for doing it is I've been in academia too long. So many things have to be repeated ad nauseam for the students to pick on the concepts (pounding it into their heads is frowned upon for some reason ). In social settings I have to consciously stop myself from saying things 5 different ways, it's annoying for me and the people I talk to. CB, LOL. Me, too! Civilians sometimes look at me like, "Do you think I'm an IDIOT?" because my inclination is to say the same thing in at least three different ways, from a variety of perspectives, with real world examples. It takes a lot of self control for them to not just ask me to shut UP already! Dave, sorry to hijack. I think everyone understands that you're under a lot of stress. No offense was intended, or taken. When it feels like the entire relationship hangs on a thread as slender as a single conversation, we can't afford to be misunderstood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Dave, I fully understand how it is. I've shown som edginess here when things were raw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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