Question in general about ex's

[SilverCloud]

My ex does not have contact with any of his ex-girlfriends(i have been told by mutual friends that he had many). The only ex he had contact with was his ex-wife due to their kids together and that even on bitter terms.

 

He told me about one ex who i had met long time ago, that he did not know where she, was cause they stopped contacting after he dumped her.

 

What i want to know, since i have very little experience in dating is that when you come accross someone who has had a past and they have no contact with any of them and I know he has no contact with any of them (hahahaha including me now), is that suppose to set a red flag up? Or just the fact that they didnt find someone compatible.

 

Sorry to blabber such strange questions but i am curious...

[keenan]

Interesting question. I tend to trust guys who still have polite (but not gushing) friendships with their exes. Generally, it suggests that he dates women he likes and respects, and that both of them are able to remain reasonable and kind to each other even when things get rocky. It suggests he doesn't flip out and become some variant of a hateful, jealous, freakshow stalker, or a cold, bitter, distant Mr. Hyde, etc. when emotions run high. Granted, every relationship is different and sometimes it's impossible to maintain good relations with everyone. But if he doesn't have even cordial contact with ANY ex girlfriends, the most likely common denominator is HIM...which is a red flag to me. On the other hand, I have a good friend who is absolute BUDDIES with all of his ex-girlfriends, and I think that's a bit much. He's kind of needy about wanting everyone to like him all the time, and I'm not sure that's healthy, either. LOL. Hard to please, huh?

[Meow18]

Honestly, I don't think it is a red flag. At least not in some cases.

 

I'm not friends with any of my exes anymore, and neither is my boyfriend. But I don't have any contact with some past good friends either. It's just one of those things where you just move on with your life.

 

I think what matters is how he talks about his exes. I mean, its one thing if an ex cheated on him or something, but if he's talking about his exes and saying they were all horrible people and just seems really disrespectful, then that's something that should be more of a bad sign.

[shes2smart]

Well, if he doesn't keep in touch with any of his exes, there's not much chance of him going back to an ex....

 

With one exception, I don't bother with any of my exes either. Past is past and should stay there. I don't wish any of my exes ill, I hope they are happy & well....I don't need to hear about it. I don't actively hate any of them...it's more a neutral feeling or in some cases pity.

 

I don't think it's necessarily a red flag. Now, if he's holding an active grudge against his exes and hanging on to hate & hurt, then he's probably got some unresolved issues. If it's a lot of baggage, you might want to pass, but if he's mostly neutral about them, I don't see it as a problem.

[lgirl]

i'm not friends with any of my exes - in fact it's strict policy of mine to cut all ties once a r/shp is over (+ if i wanted an ex as a friend, i'd never have got involved in a r/shp with him!!).

 

personally, i don't see it as a red flag and i would definitely prefer a guy who had NO contact with his exes to one who was still in touch with one or more...

[keenan]

I guess I should clarify that I was thinking more about LTRs than brief relationships. If a guy was in a relationship with a girl for 5 years, and they became close to one another's family, had pets together, etc., then I would be surprised if they never talked...even if that's just once a year. But dating for a few weeks or months is different. Then it comes down to how he thinks and talks ABOUT these exes, rather than how much he communicates with them. I'm with maggie18; if he talks trash about them all, then you have to wonder why.