timeless9 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 After finding these forums on a google search I have read multiple posts. I am sure I will get mixed views but thats why I am posting here.. I know some of my friends will frown apon, where others wont have an issue. I am friends with her brothers and a good family friend. One of the brothers know how I feel, I joke around more then anything but he knows whats up. It seems the only thing that bothers him is the age gap, but I think it can be overcomed. The other brother would probably freak out a little, but if I sat down and talked with him, that I am not just out for sex, it should be ok. I am also worried about how the parents will react, I dont want to tarnish my relationship with them, I value them as friends. But I believe I really do like this girl, she has many of the properties that I am attracted to. I should point out I have never been in a relationship, for many reasons. I have always felt and been told I was very mature for my age and found girls my age too unstable and/or immature. Even now most girls are just into the bar sceen which I am not, I hate smoke. I dont want a girl that will sleep with me the first few months into a relationship, if they are willing to do it with me then who knows who they have slept with. But I could be reading the signals all wrong and she just sees me as a brother figure, then where would I be? ... One post I read said that girls at that age havnt found themselves yet. And later on the relationship doesnt work out because of this. Could I see this happening? Maybe, I know college is what I call "the test of time", I have seen many relationships fall because of it, and some are just fine. She will be turning 17 before I turn 24 but 6-7 years just sound like a stretch. She seems emotionally stable and mature, which is probably why I have an interest in a 16 year old. Any insight would be wonderful, Thanks in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve-0 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I may be wrong but isnt this illegal? She is still a minor (under 18) and you arent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomAdvisor Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Personally I think it's too much of an age gap. I just turned 24 yesterday, and I would never DREAM of dating anyone 16 years old. Probably not even an 18 year old. The age difference and life experience is just too much. And as the above poster pointed out, if you're living in the US there is also the legal component to consider - it's illegal. I think you should fine someone your own age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timeless9 Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 It is not illegal where I live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I think 16/17 is too young for a 23/24 year old to date. I mean it can work but you are both at very different stages of your lives. No matter how mature you tell yourself she is, she is still a 16 year old and she simply does not have the life experience that a 23 year old has. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tex1907 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Hmmm.... Yeah this is illegal in a lot of areas. In addition, this should tell you something. No offense of anything but this is just a girl you are talking about. Her parents probably make her come home at a specific time every night and whatnot. Most likely she hasnt even graduated high school yet. By the time she does she might want completely different things, (like go to college or move to a specific area). At this age she has not really developed and is still esentially a little kid who depends on the warmth and security of her parents to meet her own needs. I suggest finding a partner who is a bit older, or see how you feel in a couple years when she is 18 and out on her own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timeless9 Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 Sorry, guess I didn't write it clear enough, when I was younger I felt that way. Now most girls I meet are only in the bar sceen. But anyway, thanks you put it down straight and simple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 All I can tell you is that I would not allow a 16 year old daughter of mine to date a 23 year old and I would question the judgment of any parent who did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Sorry, guess I didn't write it clear enough, when I was younger I felt that way. Now most girls I meet are only in the bar sceen. So your solution is to date girls who are too young to have the option of going to bars? Seems like a rather weak argument. Are the girls interested in the bar scene girls you meet at the bar? Have you gone to other places like coffee shops or places where people your own age would be? Saying you want a mature GF and resorting to someone who hasn't even fully developed their own persona seems more like your just looking for someone who'se pliable and not old enough to know what they want. Besides, when she turns 21 whats going to stop her from digging the bars, too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timeless9 Posted February 27, 2006 Author Share Posted February 27, 2006 Well I think my problem is I am attracted to religious girls, homey, good values. But I am not religious, I am agnostic. Anyway, said what I needed to hear, thanks for your input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 As a point of information: It is not illegal to date someone under the age of consent, it is illegal to have sexual relations with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gstylez07 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Take it from someone who knows. Try and stick with people close to your age. About half a year ago I started dating a fourteen year old (I was seventeen). Her parents disaproved, but we continued to see each other. eventually they took me to court and handed me with a 8 month restraining order. If i am seen with her again...I could go to jail! I am currently waiting for her to turn 16 in 13 months (legal age of consent). Although she seems like a very nice girl and you may care about her....its best to either wait for a VERY long time, (by then she will most likely change her mind about you anyways) or you can find someone else. Its sad....but its the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicguy Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 age shouldn't matter at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Well I think my problem is I am attracted to religious girls, homey, good values. But I am not religious, I am agnostic. And you're not attracted to girls who go to bars, but you go to bars yourself. Have you considered that you have double standards in place? You seem to think females should be held to different standards than men. This is a very black and white view, and to be honest, I can see why you have trouble getting in relationships. It seems your answer to this is to find someone innocent and clueless who can overlook any issues you might have going on in yourself. I strongly hope her brothers and parents discourage her from starting any kind of relationship with you, because I'm sensing you have major control issues where you think females must be pure, beyond reproach...while you don't have to necessarily adhere to these high standards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theantibarbie23 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I've said it before and I'll say it again.... a 16 year old girl does not have the same emotional/intellectual maturity as a man in his mid twenties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serendipity1607307077 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 When I met my fiancee I was 17 and he was 21... there was a 40 year age gap between my mother and my late step-father. If you are going to consider dating her I would be VERY careful and perhaps wait a couple of years, especially with regards to sex. Carnelian - I don't think he was trying to indicate that at all. I'm the same - I hate the bar scene with a passion because of smoke. That doesn't mean that I'm on the prowl for 15 year old boys though He was saying that the majority of youth go clubbing and pubbing when they are legally allowed to but there are a small handful of us who don't like that sort of thing... (not having a go at you though.. I do agree though, that once this girl is of an age where she can get into bars, she probably will Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
italianstalian Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 i suggest u stay away from her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
becallamjr Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 17 will get you 30. As much as you may think she is mature enough, she is most likely not. She has not experienced what you have already gone through. By the time you are 29 and she is hitting that partying peak, you will be on your way to whatever career you are doing. Don't do it, get yourself someone your age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serve_the_people Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 Take time to get to know her as a friend first. Its better to be friends first because then you get to know what a person is really like, in good times and bad. But I don't see anything wrong with it, as long as you don't sleep with her. I am 22, and have been developing a close friendship with a 16 year old woman I like. She is fully mature for her age...she is a woman, not a girl. But be friends first, and then when she is 18, go on from there....... by the way though, remember that it depends on culture. Some say that Joseph (father of Jesus) was 30 and Mary (mother of Jesus) was only 14 or 15......so it depends on culture !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 But I don't see anything wrong with it, as long as you don't sleep with her. I am 22, and have been developing a close friendship with a 16 year old woman I like. She is fully mature for her age...she is a woman, not a girl. Sorry, at 16 she's a girl, not a woman. You may be trying to convince yourself otherwise to feel ok about developing a close friendship/relationship with her, but trust me...at 16, no one is fully mature. Not even close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mavh25 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I was 16 and my boyfriend was 23 when we met, I admit when he first showed me attention all i wanted to do was have the attention n not the load of the relationship, to girls having an older boyfriend gives them a popularity streak, you can deny it, but it makes you feel good. But my family and his family never had a problem with it, and his family are vetry religious, thing is, as much as you sa ya wouldnt, if she wanted to im sure you would have sex with her pretty soon, its a hard situation. If you know deep down you will lose her families friendship, then you will ruin hers too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mavh25 Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 But!!!!................................... im 19 now and my boyfriend is 25.. still together Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serve_the_people Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 It depends on culture. The 16 y/o woman i talk to in from the Philippines, and in the Philippines you finish grade 12 at age 16. Thus, she would be in the same place as an 18 year old here. When I was 16, I was fully mature as an adult. I was even planning my retirement portfolio (i am being serious about this). Some 16 years olds are mature adults, some aren't. Don't overgeneralize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovecrazy Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 age shouldn't matter at all it should if the girl is 16 and he is 24! I am sorry but wait to date this girl when she 18! Honestly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mystik Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 I definitely think age matters also. This is a bit of a stretch but for example a 9 year old should not be dating a 20 year old. "Appropriate" age gaps can be quite subjective (ie. 20 and 25, 20 and 40, 15 and 18 ) but I think there are just SOME age gaps and ages that just aren't right, 16 and 24 is sketchy!! What are you going to do, go to her prom when you're almost thirty? It's not only a matter of maturity, but of where you are in your lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now