I'm such a

[markm]

I am so sorry, I was hoping it was going to turn out better than this. She is not worth it, you deserve better. Did she say why she did not want to get back together??

 

Not really.

She just repeatly stated how it had been 9 months, and she wasn't happy.

[markm]

There are few people in this world who really really commit their mind body and soul to us. As a person who has been the cruelest of dumpers in the past, I can honestly say, she will regret this before her end. Maybe she already does but guilt and pain and emotion is clouding her perception of reality. Some people actions only display the feelings they can handle, with the ones they can't deal with bottled up inside or neglected.

 

Considering all you have been through, the strength that you must have is nothing short of amazing, although I guess that is little comfort.

 

Thanks icemotoboy.

Wow, that is so interesting how her emotions could be clouding her perception of reality.

I sure hope she regrets it.

Now I have to lay awake at night wondering what she is doing with another man.

I know I will be torturing myself by envisioning them together.

But, I am going out tongight with the boys to find something new.

[friscodj]

Now I have to lay awake at night wondering what she is doing with another man.

I know I will be torturing myself by envisioning them together.

But, I am going out tongight with the boys to find something new.

 

When you lay awake at night, crying and wanting to scream, watching the time go by, feeling hopeless, make sure you be fair and take the bad with the good here...

 

Sure, go ahead and envision her with another man...envision the holding hands and dancing through lavish fields laughing, smiling, making love, etc...then envision that man eventually going through what you are going through now...because he won't be perfect either...and she'll focus on those faults, break him down, and ruin him emotionally as well...

 

So after you get tired of running that scenario through your head ad nauseum, start putting a plan together and working on your imperfections so you can have a way better relationship next time with a way better woman... Use this experience to motivate this change and you'll feel better about it all...and in time...you may even call this ex of yours and thank her for the push to do so...

 

At any rate, enjoy the night out man, you deserve it...

[friscodj]

Thanks so much, friscodj.

You're posts make me feel better every time I read one.

You are very very insightful.

Thank you.

 

Oh thanks for the props man! Now if I could only turn this insight inwards and start having good relationships myself...

[kadvati79]

Now I have to lay awake at night wondering what she is doing with another man.

I know I will be torturing myself by envisioning them together.

But, I am going out tongight with the boys to find something new.

 

I so know how you feel, my ex is doing a similar thing now. He has distanced all his close friends and no-one can really recognise him. I am beginning to think this has less and less to do with me, and more and more to do with the fact he is not dealing with his emotions.

 

I spent a fitful night last night, torturing myself as well... it just ain't easy. At all.

 

BUT I managed to stay NC! I was soooo tempted to do it this afternoon. But I didn't. The closest I got was unblocking him on MSN, but I promptly blocked and deleted him once I regained my composure.... I can get through day four of NC...

 

And I too am going out tonight, not to get smashed, but just to be myself.

[markm]

So yesterday after I left her house in the morning, I get home and she texts messages me about something.

So I text back:

"I can no longer keep in contact with you. Please no more calls, emails, texts. I have your mail and other stuff. I will leave it outside my door, please pick it up while I am not here"

Well I go out for the day, come back and its the stuff is still there.

So I text: "Not trying to be mean, but please pick up your things or else I will have to discard them"

So she texts back asking if I could drop it off because she has to work all weekend.

Well I just wanted it out of my house so I dropped it off at her door on my way to a night out with my friends.

The stuff included some mail, all her love cards she ever wrote to me, and every picture of us over the course of 3 years (about 200 pictures).

So later that night she texts:

"Remember that CD we made? There is a song missing "

1 hour later she texts:

"I figured you would get rid of the pictures but not that soon"

Then again 3 hours later at 11 pm:

"Looking at the pics and listening to our CD. You're right we had good times too."

Well, I never responded.

And I won't be responding.

I had a great night out!

There we sooooo many girls out.....WOW!

I am still hurt but I realize I am better off.

All I have to do is picture what marriage, and having kids together would REALLY be like with her, and it makes me feel pretty lucky right now.

[Diggitydave]

Dude, if you get with another girl right away it is just kinda filling up a pothole with chewing gum as someone else on these forums said.

[Nathalie1970]

Dude, if you get with another girl right away it is just kinda filling up a pothole with chewing gum as someone else on these forums said.

 

I have mixed feelings about that analogy. I know it's wrong to run right out and find a rebound but how else do you stick with NC. Can't he date different girls, she's with someone else. He doesn't have to be serious with anyone right now, just someone to hang out with.

[markm]

I have mixed feelings about that analogy. I know it's wrong to run right out and find a rebound but how else do you stick with NC. Can't he date different girls, she's with someone else. He doesn't have to be serious with anyone right now, just someone to hang out with.

 

I think I have been ready for someone new anyway.

Perhaps I am just feeling rejected and lonely.

We were living together, and now no one is here but me.

The idea of her with another guy really bothers me, but I just have to remember that he will have to put up with the same stuff i did.

There were so many things that bothered me about her.

[friscodj]

I think I have been ready for someone new anyway.

Perhaps I am just feeling rejected and lonely.

We were living together, and now no one is here but me.

The idea of her with another guy really bothers me, but I just have to remember that he will have to put up with the same stuff i did.

There were so many things that bothered me about her.

 

From your last 2 posts, I'd say you are heading in the right direction. Go back and read your first posts, then read these...big difference...

 

And for what it's worth, this woman sounds like a nut-job who doesn't care about your feelings...leaving the love letters out like that? Cold...and possibly manipulative...

 

As far as dating other people so soon after this mess, that's a tough one. Obviously, you're not over your situation with your ex. I'd say get out there and meet some people though. I wouldn't expect much nor get too serious with anyone right away...but yeah...nothing wrong with having fun and seeing that there is more out there for you... The only problem I see is if you have some bad experiences which might push you back to contacting your ex...so if you can handle that scenario...I say go for it...and make sure if it comes down to it, you tell your new potential g/f that you just got out of a relationship...be fair to her that way...

[markm]

From your last 2 posts, I'd say you are heading in the right direction. Go back and read your first posts, then read these...big difference...

 

And for what it's worth, this woman sounds like a nut-job who doesn't care about your feelings...leaving the love letters out like that? Cold...and possibly manipulative...

 

I think you misunderstood my post....

It was ME that left the love cards and pictures on her doorstep.

I figured I just didn't need that stuff anymore.

Well last night and today have been pretty tough.

I miss her.

I know that this breakup is for the best, becuase deep down I wanted to break it off with her anyway, and she would make me unhappy in the long run.

But now that it happened, I feel like hell.

When I think about our relationship rationally I know that she wasn't the one for me.

Emotionally, however, it is hard.

After being together so long you just get so comfortable with each other.

I love knowing exactly how to touch her and exactly how to satisfy her when making love.

To meet someone new and re-learn all that familiarity doesn't sound very appealing right now.

And I didn't count on her meeting a new guy and plannig trips with him so soon.

It's all a bit much to take.

I'm trying to stay positive, but I feel like just staying home and crying.

I can't believe I am reacting this way after feeling like I didn't want her anymore for so long.

Jeez.

[friscodj]

Oh man, I'm sorry I misread that...but it doesn't seem to matter...

 

What you described above described me about 2 months ago after my last breakup...my words almost exactly...

 

Congratulations on finding the truth of the matter, that you guys weren't right for each other. That takes a lot of courage and honesty to look for the truth like that. This is what you'll need to hold onto when you are going through your time of healing...

 

For you, I say just let it hurt. If you want to cry, cry. Need to take a day off work, take it. Let it all come out...but don't contact her! This thing is done, now it is about you and your healing... Know that there will be someone else and as far as re-learning everything with this new person...that will all be very exciting to you when the time is right...your job is to get over this and be ready and open for this new experience...

 

As far as what she is doing with this other guy, it really doesn't matter. But for what it is worth, I think she's using him to fill an emotional void in her life.

[markm]

Thanks Friscodj.

Yeah I do realize she is wrong for me.

Just wish my realization and my emotions could be in agreement.

Someone new sounds so great, but at the same time so distant.

I will NOT contact her at all.

I can live with that.

But, I guarantee she WILL contact me eventually.

Funny how for so long I would rarely even cuddle with her in bed, and now that's all I want to do.

Last year I went thru such hell with her and fought so hard to get her back. And when she finally came back I resented her for all the past.

Now I just want to give all of myself to her.

Once again, my emotions speaking louder than my intelligence.

I realize my months of being cold towards her was a defense mechanism becuase I knew that she wasn't really the one for me, and my future looked poor if I were to continue on and marry her.

It's a blessing in disguise, but it feels like death.

[friscodj]

Thank you Mark, for these words really help me see what happened in my most recent relationship as well. Seriously, I felt the same way, exactly as you posted here...exactly...the lack of cuddling, fighting to get her back, everything. Quite shocking actually...

 

I think your sudden desire to be with her comes from a reaction to the grief you are feeling. You feel like all this is your fault, that you are to blame with your actions. You want the pain to go away. You miss her. You miss her presense in your life and you desire this presense to comfort you. It's withdrawal you are going through, Mark, and does not mean she is the one for you! Believe that!

 

Now I know you know this in your head right now, and in time, your heart will tire and essentially "shut up" about the whole deal and an "agreement" will be reached. The ability to forget is an amazing gift we all possess...

 

You've gained good insight about your situation. Will this help the pain go away any sooner? Unfortunately not. Time does that for you...

 

"It's a blessing in disguise but feels like death." Profound words Mark. Remember them...and repeat them...as many times as you need...especially when you think about her and when you get shaken up when she contacts you...and think of what life would be like married to her, with kids, mortgage, bills, problems, sickness and health, richer or poorer...if it ever got that far in the first place...

 

You're on the right track now Mark, now it is just a matter of time before you reach a state of peace with things...and find a better, deeper happiness with someone new...

[markm]

It just hurts that she is happy with another guy.

The feeling that this strange man is fullfilling the void I gave her really hurts.

She feels like family to me and I cannot fathom another man with her, making her feel good that she left me.

The rejection I am feeling is the worst thing here I think.

I know she was not the right one for me.

But feelings are feelings.

I just cannot believe she has already made plans to go away for a weekend with this guy.

Also, her family comes in from Wisconsin this week for a visit.

First time ever.

I feel bad I won't see them.

She ALWAYS begged me to go fly to Wisconsin with her to see her family. I did once, but now I am so busy with work.

It always made her mad that I wouldn't go.

I just hate that all of a sudden I miss her and want her.

For all that time I really felt I didn't care, and when she moved out I felt kind of liberated.

But now that she doesn't want to see me and is dating someone new I care like crazy.

I hate being out of her life, and I guess I never really thought about how that would feel.

But, this IS for the best.

I KNOW she isn't the right one for me and life would have been miserable/stressful with her.

I should be happy about all this.

But, I am feeling worse.

I'm finding it hard to get on with my day.

[friscodj]

I definitely feel you bro. I know firsthand how tough a situation like this is...

 

Have you ever heard of the term rebound? That's what this other guy is. Have you ever heard of a rebound relationship lasting long-term? I haven't... You've got to remember this other guy is filling the void the you left. She too probably wishes that person was you...and that you two were right for each other...but as you stated...you guys aren't right for each other and she probably sees that as well...and is dealing with it in her own way like this...

 

It's tough man, you just have to keep holdinh onto the thought that this thing wasn't right. Stop all contact with her and try not to speculate about things you really don't know about...like her "relationship" with this new guy...because really...it's way too soon for her to be reall "moving on" like that...

[markm]

I can't stop feeling like I should give it another chance.

unfortunately, I have access to her email and check it once in a while.

I know it's bad, and it doesn't help me move on but it's interesting to know what messages she sends out about me, her new relationship, and how she feels.

So far she seems excited to go on this trip with the new guy.

A few friends have emailed her asking about our situation and the new guy too.

One message she sent out said that she felt bad things didn't work out with me and she hated that I don't want to stay in contact with her.

She also said that the guy broke if off with her when he found out she went out with me on my B-day.

She stated that she basically begged the guy to take her back and he said they could still hang out once in a while.

But the very next day he invited her over for the night.

Not sure what else is going on, but they are still going on that trip next month.

Guess I would like to see a message implying that she misses me and the new guy isn't working out, but of course it will probably be the opposite.

Yeah, I guess he is a rebound.

However she says now that she saw us as over 2 months ago.

Well, that's a bold statement considering she wanted to spend time with me all last month up unitl 1 week ago.

[Scout]

She also said that the guy broke if off with her when he found out she went out with me on my B-day.

She stated that she basically begged the guy to take her back and he said they could still hang out once in a while.

But the very next day he invited her over for the night.

 

And here she goes again! Up, down, break ups, begging to come back...this girl sure operates on a predictable pattern, doesn't she?

[markm]

And here she goes again! Up, down, break ups, begging to come back...this girl sure operates on a predictable pattern, doesn't she?

 

Yeah, apparently just after the guy said he wouldn't see her anymore, he hooked up with an ex of his.

That must have been why she told me the next day that things were over with him and he wasn't right cause he didn't posess some of my qualities (ie. not sleeping with ex's etc)

But he called her the next day and she went right on over.

So I guess they are back.

Sounds like this guy could hurt her.

[friscodj]

Yeah, apparently just after the guy said he wouldn't see her anymore, he hooked up with an ex of his.

That must have been why she told me the next day that things were over with him and he wasn't right cause he didn't posess some of my qualities (ie. not sleeping with ex's etc)

But he called her the next day and she went right on over.

So I guess they are back.

Sounds like this guy could hurt her.

 

This chick doesn't need therapy...she needs brain surgery...

 

You read these posts next time you start feeling down about this situation...be thankful you're free of this...you've got the opportunity now to meet someone to have a healthy relationship with...

 

And for what it's worth, it's not helping you move on by checking her email. I'd stop doing that...

[markm]

This chick doesn't need therapy...she needs brain surgery...

 

LMAO!

Yeah I've thought that so many times during our relationship.

What makes you say it?

[friscodj]

LMAO!

Yeah I've thought that so many times during our relationship.

What makes you say it?

 

What makes me say that? Read your posts...it's pretty obvious...

[markm]

What makes me say that? Read your posts...it's pretty obvious...

 

Well, tell me specifically.

It would help me.

[markm]

Here is an email she just sent to a friend:

 

"I had a rough week - finally told Mark I was dating somebody else and that it was over. Mark & I had been getting together yet before that, but it was like the same old relationship. It was very difficult to let go completely because I know I'll never hear from him again. But, I guess it was time. He said he never thought I would leave, he saw us together forever with kids, he treated my * * * *ty because he was afraid of getting hurt again, and he would treat me different if I moved back. It was kind of hard to say "No" because I was giving up a lot. I was also very leary to start anything with somebody new especially because of what I had heard about him. But, so far so good I guess."

 

Jeez, I really want to drive over to her apartment right now and see her.

She does have a key of mine and I still need it back.

How do I do this?

[Scout]

Does she know you have access to her email? If so, I am sure she's aware there is a 99% chance you're reading this stuff!