Nathalie1970 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 keep my story about our first breakup in mind. If I had not flown up to Denver to see her, it would have been over long ago. Again, devil's advocate Look where you are now, do you really think you can let go of the past?? (I mean forever not just a few weeks or months) If you can, then do it. I know no matter what any of us say, you will go. Please know that we will always be here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markm Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 Again, devil's advocate Look where you are now, do you really think you can let go of the past?? (I mean forever not just a few weeks or months) If you can, then do it. I know no matter what any of us say, you will go. Please know that we will always be here for you. Yes, I will let go of the past 100%. I will not go if you think I shouldn't. She has been calling and keeping contact with me. I keep saying lets give it another chance cause I think it's our last shot. But she says no. She says it's over "for now" Seems like she's leaving herself room for the possibility of getting back together. Today I told her one of my customers wants to set me up with their daughter. She became very interested in that. She wondered if I would do it, and if I would kiss her, and if I would tell her if I kissed her, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Yes, I will let go of the past 100%. I will not go if you think I shouldn't. She has been calling and keeping contact with me. She says it's over "for now" I keep saying lets give it another chance cause I think it's our last shot. But she says no/ Seems like she's leaving herself room for the possibility of getting back together. In fact, today I told her one of my customers wants to set me up with their daughter. She became very interested in that. Wondered if I would do it, and if I would kiss her, and if I would tell her if I kissed her, etc. My foolish friend, what do you hope to gain by telling her that you kissed someone else?? So what if she acts jealous, maybe it will push her into the arms of another?? As for her saying it over "for now", she is just saying that to keep you around. My ex bf said the same thing to me for 7 weeks, I kept saying I will date other men or I'm going to move on, he didn't believe me. Well he found out I was talking to a guy that I dated while we were broken up a year ago and he went crazy (calling me names, etc). I haven't gone out with, much less have been interested in another guy since we broke up, why?? it's because he used the phrase "for now". I've decided that phrase is one of the cruelest phrases out there....if she wanted to be with you, she would - through the good and the bad times. (I know I was wit my ex fool). I am not going to tell you what to do because if it goes wrong either way, I don't want to feel like I steered you wrong. Only you know how to approach your ex gf and what will or will not work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markm Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 My foolish friend, what do you hope to gain by telling her that you kissed someone else?? So what if she acts jealous, maybe it will push her into the arms of another?? Wait! I didn't kiss anyone else. Nor did I tell her that. She just asked if I would. She wondered if I would kiss someone else Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Wait! I didn't kiss anyone else. Nor did I tell her that. She just asked if I would. She wondered if I would kiss someone else My bad Well, in any case, I hope that she wouldn't ask you if you did or that you would tell her. It would not be a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I basically ignored her for 9 months, thats why shes pissed in the 1st place. Are you absolutely, positively sure you ignored her for nine solid months? I'm with friscodj on this one...something's not adding up with this girl. Do you not find it at least a tad...odd...that in a mere three weeks she already had several dates with some guy, including a weekend trip where he was along?? You've definitely got the rose-colored glasses on right now, my friend, and I'm afraid you're hooked on the ups and downs of this relationship. It may take you some time to realize that these wild rollercoaster types of relationships usually wreak emotional havoc on us that takes years to recover from - oh, and they rarely ever last, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 If you do try to get back together, make sure you address the issue, have a plan to correct it, and follow through on that plan or this will all happen over again... Does this apply here? Also, really take time and look at things. This is not all your fault. She's bailed on you more than once and was not perfect either. Do you really want this woman back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markm Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 Well we rarely slept together, kissed etc. We just bickered about stupid worthless stuff. She is a very very sweet girl. She likes to have many friends. She went with the group to go skiing after she moved out. I'm not blaming her much for it They did nothing together but ski, trust me. She's not a liar, but she can withhold information sometimes. However, if I ask her a quietion she will answer truthfully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo34 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 You're in denial my friend...about LOTS of things. I can sense that you're confused about things, 2. Not only about her...it just seems 2 me that U have alot of things going on in your life and that at least 4 now, this girl isn't really helping U out...it kind of seems that you're neglecting something that YOU need 2 deal with. Maybe a fear of commitment on BOTH parts is also the problem here. I could be totally wrong about this post, but it seems like U have other things going on as well...again, just a feeling that I have, so I could be way off here. Just ask yourself if you're really where U want 2 be with this girl in your life. -Solo34 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markm Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 You're in denial my friend...about LOTS of things. I can sense that you're confused about things, 2. Not only about her...it just seems 2 me that U have alot of things going on in your life and that at least 4 now, this girl isn't really helping U out...it kind of seems that you're neglecting something that YOU need 2 deal with. Maybe a fear of commitment on BOTH parts is also the problem here. I could be totally wrong about this post, but it seems like U have other things going on as well...again, just a feeling that I have, so I could be way off here. Just ask yourself if you're really where U want 2 be with this girl in your life. -Solo34 Could you be more specific? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo34 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I mean...she left U before, and there's just so many things that I think U 2 didn't really talk about. Didn't U say earlier that U weren't "available" with your feelings. Ex: not telling her that U love her, and maybe other things, etc. I just wonder why U TRULY didn't tell the woman that U love that U love her until she's gone. It just makes me think that U might have other issues, etc. going on with your personal life...U know? Maybe work, etc. is 2 much 4 U...either way, U shouldn't have neglected her. My 1st post 2 U here stated things about not 4giving the past, etc. Can U truly 4give her and LOVE her like she deserves, and can she do the same 4 U? -Solo34 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markm Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 I mean...she left U before, and there's just so many things that I think U 2 didn't really talk about. Didn't U say earlier that U weren't "available" with your feelings. Ex: not telling her that U love her, and maybe other things, etc. I just wonder why U TRULY didn't tell the woman that U love that U love her until she's gone. It just makes me think that U might have other issues, etc. going on with your personal life...U know? Maybe work, etc. is 2 much 4 U...either way, U shouldn't have neglected her. My 1st post 2 U here stated things about not 4giving the past, etc. Can U truly 4give her and LOVE her like she deserves, and can she do the same 4 U? -Solo34 I think we can. Besides not loving her the way I should have, I haven't done anything to hurt her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo34 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Alright, well...if this is what U want, then I hope U can get her back and love her right. LOVE IS A HUGE PART in a relationship. Not 2 burst your bubble, but it just might be 2 late. If U go 2 her, she'll probably just think that you're saying and doing this 2 just get her back with U. I'd give it some time, THEN do this; and I don't mean 3-7 days...I mean, at least a month or 2. -Solo34 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kadvati79 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 THEN do this; and I don't mean 3-7 days...I mean, at least a month or 2. I wonder how that will go, I'm in a similar situation with my ex. He said we have broken up and he is pretty sure he's made his mind up but we shouldn't talk for a few weeks. So I decided to take the next month of NC. Neither of us have made any moves to get our stuff back from each others places, he has alot of my stuff and I have some stuff of his. When I visited him - I noticed he still had all our pictures on the wall, but seemed totally comfortable with the concept of breaking up? His best mate who lives with him thinks he's just gone off the deep end... I'm not sure what to think. Anyway, I hope you are your ex sort things out - I can tell you really have your heart set of this. Let us know I'm keen to hear how it goes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I just wonder why U TRULY didn't tell the woman that U love that U love her until she's gone. It just makes me think that U might have other issues, etc. going on with your personal life...U know? Maybe work, etc. is 2 much 4 U... Look, guys, stop being so hard on this guy. He's already being too hard on himself and doesn't need more... I really think the reason he didn't give her more emotionally is because she wasn't giving back in some way or his intuition was telling him this relationship wasn't right...think about that idea... If it was his job or something similar, don't you think she should have been there for him and tried to help him out instead of leaving him???? I do... It takes two in a relationship buddy, don't put all this on yourself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo34 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Hey Frisco, I wasn't putting it on him...I was asking if maybe there was something ELSE in his life that was distracting him from his love 4 his woman, that's all. If it was work, etc. then she should've been down 4 him regardless. Yeah, in the words of Rob Base..."It takes 2 2 make a thing go RIGHT..." -Solo34 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Hey Frisco, I wasn't putting it on him...I was asking if maybe there was something ELSE in his life that was distracting him from his love 4 his woman, that's all. If it was work, etc. then she should've been down 4 him regardless. Yeah, in the words of Rob Base..."It takes 2 2 make a thing go RIGHT..." -Solo34 It's cool, it's cool... It seemed like everyone was harshing on homes here that's all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo34 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I see... -Solo34 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markm Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 Listen to this! I go over to house last night and she is still "out with her friends". So I text message her and I get no response. So 6:30 this morning she sends me a text. I asked where she was and she asks "why" I told her I went over to her place to drop off her mail and she wasn't home. She says she stayed at a friends house. LOL Apparently, the guy she no longer was gonna date invited her to see a movie a she slept over. What a joke. So I drive over this morning, feeling like crap. We lie in bed together talking about the same stuff. We talked about how for 9 months I was distant and then bringing up ever bad thing I ever did. So I told her that I was taking much of the blame, but I would not take it all. We talked and both cried a lot. She doesn't want to get back together. As I was leaving we talked a bit more and she started really crying. We said goodbye, and that is all. 3 Years gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Oh Mark, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. Regardless of fault, blame, responsibility, reason, etc. this situation is definitely bad. She's crying a lot, you're crying a lot, she's seeing other guys, and sleeping over for god's sake. Right now, you are so caught up in the situation, you need to muster courage and strength and cut it clean ASAP... You say 3 years are now gone but from reading the entirety of this post, I definitely think that is for the best and that things could be worse. What if you married this woman? Owned a house together? Had children together? At least you can both walk away from this, which is what you should do... Also walk away with the fact that it takes 2 Mark to make a relationship work. You mentioned some negative points about her earlier. Also, I really feel like your emotional distance has a valid reason, like deep inside you knew something was wrong. Believe in these two things and the healing and maintaining NC will be easier...not easy by any means...but at least you'll have something to hold onto... Don't waste anymore time with this woman. She is not for you. Start healing and working on yourself so when the next one comes along, you'll be ready... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo34 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Yeah, well said FriscoDJ...Damn, that woman is WRONG!! -Solo34 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kadvati79 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 There are few people in this world who really really commit their mind body and soul to us. As a person who has been the cruelest of dumpers in the past, I can honestly say, she will regret this before her end. Maybe she already does but guilt and pain and emotion is clouding her perception of reality. Some people actions only display the feelings they can handle, with the ones they can't deal with bottled up inside or neglected. Considering all you have been through, the strength that you must have is nothing short of amazing, although I guess that is little comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
friscodj Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Some people actions only display the feelings they can handle, with the ones they can't deal with bottled up inside or neglected. Profound. Very true as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I am so sorry, I was hoping it was going to turn out better than this. She is not worth it, you deserve better. Did she say why she did not want to get back together?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markm Posted February 24, 2006 Author Share Posted February 24, 2006 Thanks so much, friscodj. You're posts make me feel better every time I read one. You are very very insightful. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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