gratefulpain Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 About 3 and a half weeks after horrific ending... we had a fight where she moved back with her MOM this was the 3rd move out in 2 years... But she would always come back in a day or two... annyway during our cooling off period she told me she was dating again.. I was floored, crushed and devastated, no sleep, no food, everything.... but I did the NC like you all suggested .. Which made her call me immature and mean.. but I kept it up.... I prayed for her happiness every night so I would loose my anger toward her that worked for my healing ... I mean I was way in bad shape.... ... she came the other day to pick up her appliances...(3 weeks have passed) we had a moment... we hugged each other I said "sometimes I miss you"... she cried and said the same... we said bye etc... She asked me if I had a new girlfriend.. I told her that was an akward question.. she said " just wanted to know if you have moved on" I told her" it was too soon and Im just reading books, going to work and working on myself...." She said I don't see why we can't be friends I care about you.... I just nodded..... Here's the deal.... she calls once a day and just small talks about nothing... its weird ...like how her day went bla bla.... I'm actually still recovering from this... if you notice my earlier posts..... We dont have mutual friends exept we paractice softball at the same field sometimes...The other day she was a softball practice and between innings she would purposely go to her cell phone to check for messages...almost like trying to get me to notice... then when I ignored this she was purposely late getting back on the filed and says " sorry that was my boyfriend" to a teammate as if on purpose... aww that hurt like a motrha!!!!... why would she purposely want me to over hear that crap.... whats the deal.?... the fact that the very thought of her new so called boyfriend makes me cringe.. is that a sign im no where near healed?... why would she purposely want me to over hear that crap.... the other day I didnt answe the phone ,, she left a message in a real sad crying voice... si i gave in and called her back.... it was bascially nothing.. then she started small talking..... Im freakin confused... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Sounds to me she doesn't know what she wants. Either that or she wants to keep you in her life and have you keep thinking about her, just in case. If I was you, I'd go complete NC as hard as that might be. It might be a good idea to tell her exactly why you're doing it though. That way she'll know that it's to get over her, not because you're being mean or anything. After all, she's moved on, why shouldn't you be allowed to too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diggitydave Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 My Friend, I made the mistake of trying to keep things sort of going as friends for 3 months after me and my ex broke up. Let me give you the best advice I can give you. Deal with the pain now, don't prolong it. Stick to NC. Granted every situation is different. The dust needs to settle, both of you need to figure things out and get your hearts aligned with what you both want, not just what you're used to or emotionally attached to. Good Luck My Friend, David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mystik Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Which made her call me immature and mean.. but I kept it up.... She is the one who is immature and mean. No wonder why you're confused, she's playing games with you. She doesn't want you to forget her and she doesn't want you to move on - hence the daily "mini talks" and guilt trips. Lonely is right, she wants to keep you there and waiting, just in case. You NEED to go cold NC. Let her know why you're doing it, and if she can't understand and starts crying again, that's really not your problem...she dumped you, so she has to face the consequences of doing so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrocza Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Yup. I agree with the above. She's trying to get a reaction out of you. She wants to see "if you've moved on" She wants to keep you close and yet... She seems selfish. You need to go NC. This isn't about her anymore, it's about you, remember? You need to heel. If that works out better without her daily calls and cruel comments to see how you are, then do it. You owe her nothing now, but you owe yourself everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pikey1972 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Yip, I agree with all the above comments. I agreed to be friends with my ex immediately after the split (he was the dumper). I found it increasingly difficult to keep my emotions under wraps and kept hoping we could rekindle the relationship. Last month, I decided I needed some space to heal and move on, so I explained the situation to my ex (in a note, admittedly - I'm a coward at heart ;-)) He e-mailed me the following day explaining that he understood, that he would give me the space I needed, and that he would leave it to me to contact him again when I felt able to. He still wants to be friends and I'm sure over time we'll be able to be friends (I've done so successfully with two other exes). However, it does take time - in my case it took over a year to be friends with both exes. So I'd say give it time. If your ex is a true friend, she'll understand and give you the space you need. If she explodes / cries / screams etc, then she isn't a true friend and just wants you there as a back-up / solace. Just my tuppence worth! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gratefulpain Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 Thanks everyone.. I guess I got weak... the hearing of her voice and small talk made me forget we wer broke up momentarily... then the hint of the boyfriend things cuts me like a knife and i instantly want to tell her to go to hell (i dont though) NC is so hard.. even though I havent been answering he calls .. except responding to he sad voice mail... In a weird way It made me feel good that she was trying to call me..... is that sick or what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mystik Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 It's not sick, It's understandable..and natural. You dated, so obviously you cared for her and perhaps even believe you loved her. You can't help but like being needed. You're not alone in feeling good like that. You just have to understand that while it makes you feel good that she makes it seems like she needs you, you'll feel even better when YOU really don't need HER. NC! NC! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 No it's not sick, it's human nature. BTW, it sounds like she is trying to keep you as her fall back guy, in case things don't work with the new bf. She is also still trying to make you care by pulling the immature juvie stuff. Ignore her, do not give in and let her see that she has hurt you at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 No it's not sick, it makes you feel wanted. I was the same way when my ex started calling me up again after just a month of NC. Just remember, her calling is also her way of manipulating you. Tell her why you're going NC and then stick with it. Even if she calls like crazy, no matter how weapy she seems, don't call her back. In time when you're ready, you can. Let her know for a fact that you're doing this to get her completely out of your system so you don't feel "that" way about her anymore. If she's truly not interested in having you as a backup, I think she'll understand. If not, I have a feeling you're going to be getting a few calls. Stay strong Good luck to you man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny1607307342 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Just do what feels right for you. No one said you HAD to be friends. It normally slows down the healing process, my ex is like that but we're at college so I have no choice, like he says quite confusing things sometimes too. It's really not good. I mean you can be friends once your over it, in a few months or something, if you really want a friendship. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
healinginnyc81 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 hey, I was best friends with my ex since the day we met in our second semester of college. We still go to the same college and see each other a lot. But I told her that we can't be friends because I need to have my space away from her in order to get my life back. I honestly don't know if we'll ever be friends and that really hurts me. I care about her a lot. I don't know if she cares about me but I'm just trying to move on the best I can without thinking too much about her. Being friends just will hurt your healing process especially when you still wonder if you might get back with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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