Is he shy or just not interested? :(

[KristyK]

Ok, so here's the deal. There is a guy at my work I am very interested in, but I am so very shy! We don't work together, just in the same BIG office building. I usually see him in the morning when I come in and maybe another 1 or 2 times during the day if I go downstaires. We have never spoken, but I know he has seen me around. We have made eye contact quite a few times, but I never have enough to courage to smile at him...he must think I'm a real b**ch. Anyways, I decided that if I want anything to happen, even just a friendship, then I'm going to need to do something (I'm also new at work, so friends would be nice)...so I decided I would say "goodmorning" when I came in in the morning...the only thing is, he will NOT look at me! I get the feeling he knows I'm there...but he refuses to look on purpose. I was thinking about it, and I find that when I'm interested in someone I tend to do that too...pretend they're not there, because I'm so shy...but I think he's doing it to give me the message that he's not interested. The other day I decided that he is for sure not interested, with all the body language he is giving me (if we do happen to make eye contact, he doesn't ever smile at me, or he won't look when he knows I'm there...he could be standing 5 feet from me and not look over), so I decided to stop trying to say hi and stuff. Then, the very next morning I went in late, and it was just me and him passing each other, and he looked at me and we made eye contact, and then he looked away and I didn't say anything, it was the perfect opportunity I had been waiting for, but since I had decided to give up, I didn't say anything! I have seen him hanging out with 2 other guys sometimes, and both of them have checked me out, smiled, and said "hi" on more than one occasion...so why doesn't the one I'm interested in do that?? I hate being so shy....I mean what's the worst that could happen? I know I would be hurt if he wasn't interested, but at the very least, it would still be nice to make a new friend! I've thought about getting to know the 2 that actually DO smile and say hi to me, then I could meet this other guy. Anyway, guys....I should pretty much get the hint that either he's not interested, or has a girlfriend right (because he won't look or smile at me)....not that he's just shy? Any suggestions on how to go about this? Give up, or keep trying? Thanks so much, and any help is appreciated!

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Hello there and welcome.

 

I went through the same exact thing. Three times. Three different girls. Three different years. What are the odds?

 

I didn't know any of them, but we worked for the same BIG company. I saw each of them during a specific time during the day. There was eye contact 'a plenty with all three of them. Everyday I would try to push myself to smile at them, but I couldn't. I got so many hints from each of them, but my shyness and self esteem reversed my positive thinking. I thought I had all the time in the world, then our company changed and let go of a ton of people, including two of my girls. The third girl is still there, but I have since left the job. I never got to talk to any of them. All I had was eye contact, which got me absolutely nothing but regret.

 

I think you should give it a shot since you are interested. Keep saying "good morning" to him. You'll become more and more familiar. Make a remark about how it's good spring and warm weather are coming up. Try to feel the vibe he gives you. Who knows if he's shy or not interested, but you have to find out before you regret doing nothing. Shyness and being not interested both go hand in hand when it comes to the signals they give.

 

I should know, I ignore the girls I like. And it is a TERRIBLE stragedy. Yes, I said stragedy. Do you have an "opening" where you can expand the "good morning" into a 2 minute fluffy convo?

 

Good luck.

[red10]

maybe he's thinking what you're thinking....

 

the only way to find out is to just say hi. plus, you have a great reason, you're new!

 

it's always the build up that gets the best of your nerves...once you hit that, usually it's a lot less stressful and you find out it's not really that bad, however it ends up.

[ducky]

Actually, I can't tell much from your post if he likes you or not. But if you like him, you should do something!

 

If you're too shy to approach and talk to him, try holding eye contact with him for 4-5seconds and smiling. That should drop him a major hint!

[ShySoul]

Perhaps he is shy as well and reacting in the same way that you are to him. In which case, you can go around in circles not speaking and never getting anywhere. Someone needs to take the initiative and start a conversations. Why not you? I know it isn't easy, but keep trying. Eventually you will get it right.

[advice_guy]

I guess you should not give up and keep trying. Just smile at him when he approaches you next time and if possible, just ask him if he works for so and so department. Ask him about few people from that department (just to start the conversation) and whether he knows them. Smiles win hearts . The next time you approach him, you would be familiar to him and hence you have the reason to say "Good Morning" and speak something. Shy guys take some time to open up. So, I guess it would be better if you break the ice and take the lead. Try to smile and initiate the conversation . Try to talk about something in common initially. In your case it should be work related and the after couple of conversations, you can try to get bit personal. It's better to take some action rather than waiting for each other to start. Believe me, you would make agood friend and also it would make you happy.

 

Good luck.........

[ShySoul]

Great advice from advice_guy.

 

Take the lead and talk to him, working on a friendship. Give him time to open up. Once he does, you would be surprised at how open a shy guy can be.

 

And yes, smiles do win hearts.