A strange turn of events

[Pips Estella]

I suppose I feel a bit lonely today and would love to write in the hope that someone out there could give some advice or just some words of encouragement!

 

 

I live in Paris and am learning French. Last night, I had two French friends around to my apartment for coffee. Now, as my French is by no means perfect, I do make quite a few mistakes. But the two friends spent the whole evening pointing out and laughing at *every* mispronunciation, every incorrect use of vocabulary, register and grammar that I made. At first, it was like being teased, and I took it with good grace. But after I while, I felt positively ganged up on and outnumbered.

 

They may not sound like good friends at all, but here's the funny thing: I have known one of them for four years and the other, a good few months, but both I considered as my best friends in Paris. I can assure you, they have never treated me horribly before now - they have always corrected my mistakes or accepted them, which is fine! But when they are together, like they were for the first time last night, they mock me relentlessly. The worst bit was, it was mocking for mocking's sake: when I made an error, they simply looked at each other, laughed and never corrected me.

 

I spoke to one of them about on MSN a later on, but she accused me of being too sensitive. I told her that I don't mind being teased about mistakes in French, but after THREE hours of constant teasing, I felt more like a victim than their friend. Indeed, their behaviour did remind me of bullies at school and when they left my apartment, I felt like I'd lost the respect of both of my friends. I have to confess, I didn't feel so friendly towards them after that.

 

So, I feel a bit sad this morning. I've read some books and tried to speak my thoughts aloud (also known as, talking to yourself!) but I still feel rather dejected. If you do find some spare time, I would really welcome some advice. I do like both of these girls but now I've seen their "dark side", I don't consider them to be "best friends" anymore. Even if they apologise for upsetting me, things can't really be the same again, can they?

[LiquidCherry]

When I was in fourth grade I befriended a girl that had just moved to the US from Russia. At first her English wasn't very good. Larger mistakes I would correct her with and sometimes she would ask me for help. I never made fun of her, not once. Not even when I introduced her to our friends did she get made fun of and we were only 9 or 10. There are certain things it is okay to tease someone about but you have to take a cue so you don't end up hurting any feelings.

 

You've told one of them how you feel and your friend responded defensively. Tell the others too. The next time you hang out with them see if there are any changes. Maybe you won't get an apology, deserved as it is, but if they subside you know that they care. If they continue making fun of you I'd cut them loose.

[Alabama]

What was the setting that they would correct your grammar or pronunciation? If it was public, they might not have wanted to make fun of you in public. But if they did in private, they would be able to get away with it. Or maybe they were just having fun. Anyway, if they do continue as LiquidCherry said, than I'd cut them off. If it was only a one time thing, than I suppose don't worry about it. Good luck.

[stolenshadow]

Hello, sadly there are people who only dare to show their real personality when they feel "supported" by others, they won't express their anger or fears if they are alone, but if they are in crowds or even with another person they suddenly gather courage.

 

It seems to me these girls you mention are the same, and I wouldn't trust them, it's nice they helped you but they are not good friends, you can be sure that whenever they feel brave/safe they won't respect you and can even hurt you.

 

I suggest you to look for new friends, being in a foreign country is difficult, but there's a lot of people out there that can surely appreciate and respect you.

[Pips Estella]

Stolenshadow - your comment really made sense. In the past, both girls would get a bit frustrated with my level of spoken French (I'd ask them to repeat something, or have difficulty with a word) but they never seemed to really mind or bring me up on it. I think that their repressed disapproval of my language skills just poured out when they got together. Another one of my friends has reassured me that they would have done it to any foreigner trying to speak French - it wasn't personal. I think she's right. Both girls had just met each other and wanted some common ground to feel relaxed around each other. Unfortunately that common ground happened to be teasing me.

 

Thanks to everyone who replied to my post. I don't feel that my confidence has returned yet after that knock, but give it a few more days, some bars of chocolate and striking up conversation with some new people, I may be well on my way to smiling again.