octopus Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Well everyone, We're all healing; we're at different points along the road. Sooner or later, we'll come to full realization and acceptance that this break-up will be permanent; the dumper will never think he/she made a mistake and come back to us and beg. We spent a good amount of time healing, and it is our duty to ourselves that we remember the lessons from this break-up; so that our next relationship is healthier and we are more prepared for anything else that may come. let's all post the lessons we've learned and discuss them. Here's my number 1: Lesson 1: My dreams will only include myself. I have found it to be very painful that when I lost my loved one, the dreams we'd dreamed together, OR my dreams that included him were lost forever too. From now on, I will only dream for myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lillady898 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 -A break up is exactly that; Your relationship is broken. What's there to go back to? -If he doesn't treat his friends/family right, he's not going to treat you any better. Brace yourself for the break up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
octopus Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 2) Always, always be good to yourself, and do what YOU want to do.When people make you happy or miserable, you're always alone with YOURSELF to deal with it. I think that in the long run, this kind of thinking would lead to not letting yourself get hurt by others. In other words, this time "did he hurt me so much?", or "did I let myself get hurt so much?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I learned it is better to take things slow and dont force a square peg into a round hole. My ex and I were fundamentally incompatible and I knew it from the beginning but I wanted a relationship so bad and I was so mesmerized by the fact that someone wanted me so bad, was so much in love with me, etc., that I was willing to overlook some of the glaring incompatabilities between us. I even tried to adapt to his way of living and doing things although after a while, I got sick of that. I learned to not ever date a guy who is in their 30's and living at home. The living at home thing really caused a damper in our relationship, and to top that, my ex had a real controlling mother. I had a hard time dealing with staying over by his parents' house with the parents around, his sister living upstairs with her two rambunctious kids, etc. I guess I am too used to being on my own and living on my own to ever be able to deal with that again. It is also not a good idea to date a guy who is a perpetual child because they WILL NEVER grow up, not even for you, and if you try to make them grow up, they see you as the evil witch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gratefulpain Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 x) Ive learned to have a healthy relationship with myself first. be comfortable with my own approval. never letting anyone else validate me. x) Ive that if I hurt really bad after the breakup that meant I loved really deep in the relationship... x) Ive also learned to take time to mourn dont be ashamed dont try to deny or be super strong cry if I need feel the pain if I need dont mask it or fix it... x) Ive learned not taking a bath or eating for 3 days and looking sad and desperate makes convient store clerks watch me more carefully when Im in their store. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deejay74 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 i've learned that i shouldn't rely so much on my girlfriend for my own happiness. i've learned not to lose myself in the person and to remember my wants and needs. i have also learned not to feel so insecure and needy if/when my girlfriend is busy with her life, that means i need to be busy in my life too, or i should be happy that she is busy and let her do her thing. staying in the moment when i am with my girlfriend and trying not to worry about the future or dwell on the past is something i am trying to remember to do next time. in fact, i am trying to remember to stay in the present in all aspects of my life now. it's hard, but it does help especially now when i am with my friends or with other females. it helps to distract my thoughts of the ex and refocus my attention on the other person and my immediate surroundings. the only thing that i still haven't figured out how to discuss the issue of infedelity when suspicion arises. [EDIT] just like gratefulpain mentioned above, i need to be happy with myself first. how can someone be happy with me if i am not happy with myself? my big regret is that i didn't see this or i wasn't this way when i was with my ex. who knows what would've happened or if i still would've gotten dumped. [/EDIT] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 The person in the mirror is your best friend and won't leave you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benny1077 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 -I've learned that you can't love someone else again until you love yourself -I've also learned that sometimes the past should stay in the past Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigerwalk Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I've learned that sometimes no matter what you do that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is make yourself someone who is capable of being loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TroubledTwenties Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Like my quote says, the heart will keep beating, you will find love again... Oh yeah, and most of the time it's not about how someone else hurt us but how we allowed ourselves to be hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvagain Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I'm guarded now so I've learned not to give myself 100% to the other person. Maybe this is not the right attitude but it is for me now. I've learned that if the pain is this bad it's because I have truly loved with all my heart. I've learned to love unconditionally, without thinking twice about it. I've learned to love the other person and see past their imperfections. It is their imperfections that make the relationship special because if we where all perfect then the relationship would be dull. I've learned that if you love the other person then you should let go and let them live their life. You never know what the future has in store for us. Most of all I've learned that some things are too good to be true and if they're that good then it must be a dream whic you will eventually wake up from. Best wishes to all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gratefulpain Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 In response to Luvagain... I know how you feel, your hearts been schooled. But..... If you stay out of arms reach so that you cant be hit... you are too far away to be hugged too.... I will love again.... and she wont be perfect, I wont be perfect, lifes not perfect.... so it'll be perfect..... Quote: if there are no dogs in heaven... then when I die I want to go where they went... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drum4god Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I've learned that you can never be afraid to lose that person. No matter how you feel about them, if they are doing something to you that you feel is disrespectful, you need to call them out on it. If it continues you walk away. I also learned that mystery is intriguing at first, but will get you burned in the end. I learned that I am the prize, and not the other person. I learned that giving love to a selfish person will not change them to become unselfish. I learned that despite my heartache. I can look in the mirror and say I treated this women with the upmost respect. I can be proud of that. I learned that no matter times you beat yourself up for not playing your card right, or making mistakes in the relationship. It still wasn't meant to be. The bible says "Love covers a mulititude of sins". If that person really loved you they would overlook your mistakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreamweaverdude Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 What i am learning is: 1) Relationship are definitely a two-way street. Dont put all the effort in it to make it work. Make the other side contribute so that both feel like they have a vested interest in the relationship. 2) Dont ever beg to stay in a relationship. It only drives you further away. Use the NC to either draw them back in or heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarcube Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 What I have learned so far (almost three months after my break up) 1- In the future, when I get into a relationship I will keep my own separate group of friends independent from my significant other. If we break up, it will make the process of healing easier. 2- Never lose your individuality/sense of who you are in when you get into a relationship. For example, don't do everythign together and keep your own activites and interests that are separate from your significant other. 3- It doesn't matter how much you love somone if they don't love you back. Your feelings mean nothing if they are not reciprocrated. 4- With a relationship break up, you learn who your true friends are because they are the ones who are there for you during the hard time. 5- Like some of you guys have stated already, don't beg, don't call, don't email. They don't want to hear it. At least keep your dignity. 6- The sooner you accept its over the better. It only drags out the process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red10 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Well, it's been about a month for me, but here's a few things I have learned: 1. Go with your gut instinct 2. I didn't know how much I could love someone - and as many have already posted, I must've loved him more than I thought because of the pain I felt when he left. 3. I've learned that your friends are always going to be there - and your family. That's the best love out there - you will always have that. 4. I've learned that I am stronger than I think, with each obstacle in life, I only grow stronger. 5. I've learned to not need anyone but myself - meaning only I can make me happy. For someone else to make my smile brighter, well, that's just a bonus. 6. I've learned that it's not the end of the world, just the beginning of another chapter. 7. I've learned to forgive, and try to see his side - it's not easy and probably even more painful, but I feel good that I can try to see this from both views - I feel like a better person. but unfortunately this is something i will never forget. eh, just a few lessons still learning... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny1607307342 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I've just learnt not be be so naive. I've learnt everything about the male sex (well, nearly!) and that there are no such things as 'mixed signals'. Also that there is no point wanting a relationship in which the other person is not crazy about you. Don't settle for less than you deserve. AND that i must be made of iron for putting up with seeing this guy everyday, having him flirt with me on and off with no meaning to it, AND cope with the fact that he got a girlfriend IMMEDIATELY despite telling me he doesn't want a relationship with anyone! It's a test of strength guys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
healinginnyc81 Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I've learned many of the things all of you have mentioned: have my own life independent of the relationship, be happy with myself, enjoy life and live in the present. I've also learned that I am capable of this depth of love. I've learned that it's possible to have such a deep connection with another human being. I've learned that someone else could love me. I've learned that I was needy and I need to work on my own security and loving life without needing someone else in it. I've learned that I can go through the most horrible heartbreak and live to tell about it. Most of all, I've learned that I AM NOT ALONE. I have a whole community of people who have shared their experiences with me and who have supported me through this time. Thanks, everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaKe__ Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 You don't die from heartache. There are no such things as mistakes,just experiences you learn from. Relationships have nothing in common with computer games-when it's Game Over,you don't start from the beginning.Just find another computer game You actually receive more love,when you give less. If the person has changed lately or you see obvious red flags-leave the relationship,before the person dumps you and leave you with even more wounds. There is no nice way too break-up,no gentle way to destroy.Just an end. Don't listen to words,but actions.Don't listen to "I love you" when you receive no love. Just because one human being is a jerk to you,doesn't mean they all are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spawn Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 never change for anybody, be myself. no blind faiths and last but not least love me first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
octopus Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 I've learned that love, at the beginning especially, is really blind. There's absolulety no point in staying in a relationship where both sides aren't crazy about each other. And that says BOTH sides. Also, i've learned to start and be in a relationship for the right reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PassionatePices Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I learned a lesson here and that is ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverCloud Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I have learned that it takes two to make a relationship work. I have learned only time can show what is the true personality of a person. I have learned not to be soooo naive. I have learned to not trust people blindly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diggitydave Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Don't try too hard When it's over, it's over Not always your fault, it takes two Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Setter5 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 How the other person chooses to communicate significant conversations is most important to the health and strength of the relationship. Let us say what we mean, Let us mean what we say, Let our life and language be in agreement - Senaca Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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