I'm trying soooooo hard to move on

[sweetheart230]

It seems so strange to me that I could still miss someone after how badly they hurt me and treated me. I know deep down that no matter how much I cared for him that he is not, and will never be, the right person for me. I know that there is much better for me out there. After the last time I saw him, I just knew it was wrong.

 

But a part of me, a big part, still misses his kisses and touches. He was the first person I ever let my guard down with and was spontaneous with. I was truly myself with him, I gave up control, I really let go for the first time. He took advantage of that, but I miss that feeling. I showed him all of me, the good, the bad, and everything I was scared to show everyone else. He used me and abused me, but I know inside that he liked the things about me that I was scared to show other people.

 

I just miss the feeling I had when we snuggled up together, how safe and warm I felt. That is perhaps the most corny thing I have ever said. The bad certainly outweighed the good, but I still miss the good so much. He took all the good things I felt and dangled them in front of me to get what he wanted, and gave so little to me. But I don't know if I can ever feel that intensely again. All he had to do was touch me and I would have done anything he wanted. I don't know how he had that much control over me, but losing that control, just feeling the moment felt incredible.

 

I've been working on being friendlier. There are lots of guys who approach me and are interested lately. It's nice. But, strangely enough, it hasn't made my feelings for him go away. If anything, its made them resurface. I thought I was over it. But sometimes I fall asleep just trying to forget how it felt to lie next to him.

 

How can it be that I have so much going for me in my life, and yet all I want to do is feel him kiss me and lie in bed with him again? How can someone who was so horrible and abusive to me make me feel for the first time liked for who I was? Why do I still cry when I remember how his hands felt on my waist? How the hell can it take this long to get over someone who made your life hell for a year and a half?

 

All I want to do is get on with my life and forget him. But all I seem to do lately is wish he was holding me again. I'm literally making myself sick. This is completely ridiculous. It's been two months since I spoke with him. Why am I still doing this to myself? How do I stop this?

 

Thanks for listening to my stupid whining. I'm sorry if it sounds melodramatic.

[Caterina]

You're not whining. Don't worry, this to shall pass.

[redhook]

No, what you are feeling is not stupid at all. You believed there was something there that wasn't. You loved him and he abused it and you from what is sounds. Being male I was in a similar situation. She beat me up several times but I always came back for more. I was longing for her to be like she was when things were at there best. Problem was the best was few and far between. Stay strong. Time will heal this to.

[Dako]

You need more time. Lots of us do.

[Itsok]

Sweetheart, give yourself a break and a hug. There's no reason you shouldn't feel confused, upset and hurt by what has happened.

 

What you really need is to go to a few counseling sessions and that will help you clarify things in your mind.

 

How could someone so abusive make you feel so loved? Because it's a horrifying cycle. Of course when someone is so mean and horrible to you, the moment they are loving you feel like gold, like you have accomplished something so amazing that your soul aches just thinking about it.

 

Don't worry, it will be ok. Pamper yourself, spend time getting through your anxieties and pain, and hold your head high.

[sweetheart230]

I have started counseling. It has helped me realize why I was so stuck on him. With him I lost control of myself for the first time. He's a good person inside, but he had so many problems and I became his emotional punching bag. I've just never felt that good with anyone. I've never felt that bad, either.

 

Two days after I saw him, I made out with this guy who was a way better kisser than he was...but it just made me feel empty and made me miss how good it felt to be with someone who I felt connected to. I know time heals all wounds, but I wish it would heal them a little faster.

[spunkykatt]

It takes time to heal a broken heart, and there are times when he hits you for no apparent reason, days when you just cry and miss that person so much. Honestly though I think you should stop and think about how the relationship was wrong, I mean dont sit around and idolize the good things and make them more than what they were. We tend to do that after a hard break-up, make ourselves think that the good stuff was better than what it really was. You will get over it, its just going to take time. Dont worry about the bad days, or having them, if we didnt have bad days then we couldnt appericiate the good days right?

[butterflycloud]

Hi there

 

I felt, and somtimes feel the EXACT way that you do. I too was an emotional punching bag and luckily I got out.

 

After missing him so much, although knowing that I couldnt be with him, I went to see my therapist. This is what she said, and Im sure that this will help you.

 

You have two parts to your brain- the lower brain and the higher brain. The lower brain is the 'human brain' that requires physical touch and affection from another human and as soon as you are alone this part of the brain starts craving that physical touch again- almost like a child having a tantrum " I want it and I want it now!!!".Then you have the 'higher brain' the more rational of the two, the part of the brain that is aware of 'higher and more spiritual knowing', this part of your brain tells you that he was abusive and that you are better off without him.

 

So at the end of the day you have an internal conflict- let him go vs " I want that loving touch again". So what do you do???

 

The advice is hard to do but worth persuing.Whenever you miss him- his touch, his kisses, his telling you that he loves you, just remember that it is only the primitive part of your brain that misses the physical touch and not really him for who he is. Just tell the primitive side to shut the hell up and think of something else.

 

Once you do this for a while you will realise that you dont really miss HIM but rather SOMEONE who will hold and touch and love you.

 

Allow your higher brain to rule your emotions and not the lower brain. All said I know that it is hard and that you will lapse into missing him from time to time. But keep at it!

 

All the best!

[Dako]

For what it's worth, after 6 months, I don't want my ex back. That damn woman is still wonderful, but my longing for her is gone. I hardly think about her any more. No, I'm not fooling myself, and it's a relief.

 

I wish you the same.

[PassionatePices]

sweetheart230 I know it hurts but it will get better as each day passes.Focus on you and be good to yourself.

[keenan]

For what it's worth, after 6 months, I don't want my ex back. That damn woman is still wonderful, but my longing for her is gone. I hardly think about her any more.

 

wow. [contemplating....] do you feel that way even after talking to her or seeing her?

[Dako]

wow. [contemplating....] do you feel that way even after talking to her or seeing her?

 

Good question. I feel a little weaker in her presense but a little voice reminds me she really hurt me and would do it again. Her voice is a bit less lyrical, her smile a bit colder and her advice a bit less understanding.

She gave me some advice recently that I dismissed out of hand, though I used to respect her counsel.

 

She still looks good, though.

[luvagain]

sweethear230,

 

Damn, you have just described exactly what I feel for my ex. I miss her kisses, laying in bed watching her sleep, running my fingers through her hair, all the great things seem to out do the bad. I'm trying so hard to move on but she keeps invading my thoughts and dreams. We haven't seen each other since she called it off which was in october.

 

I find myself searching for her foot while I sleep. She did that when we were together. It is the littlest things that I miss about her. I can still smell her hair, her clothes, even her perfume. If I close my eyes I can still feel her breath on my lips and her cheek agains mine.

 

I read your posting and I just had to let go and cry. She is not the girl I knew. I still miss her kisses and touches. In the seven years we were together I too was truly myself with her. I let my gurd down as well and I gave myself to her 100%. Now I feel that it will take a long time or a special person for me to give myself 100% again.

 

I hope things will get better for us. I try not to think of her by burying myself in school work and research. In any case, I feel that I was meant to love someone either in this life or the next.

 

Please be good to yourself