College just for hook-ups?

[hopelesslee]

I am a senior in high school, have never been in a serious relationship, and I'm starting to get worried. I've heard so many rumors that college is more of a place for hook-ups, one night stands, and not really the best place for relationships. Is this actually true? I'm worried that if I don't have a long-term relationship in high school, I'm just going to get walked all over in college because I'll be looking for something serious and meaningful, whereas most guys will trick me into sleeping with them or something and not actually care about me. What do you all think about this? Is college really like that?

[Alabama]

Heck no! I have lots of friends in College who have serious relationships and people are dating all the time. Don't let stupid things like that detour you from dating at College. If anything, it's better at College. You get a better choice of whom you wish to date and more flexible time to date them. So, don't worry.

[annie24]

No, not at all. I did the random hookups thing in college, but I had plenty of friends who didn't - who were very loyal to their bfs or gfs back home. Or, they simply chose not to be part of the "party crowd."

 

Everyone is different, and you'll find that there is a wide variety of people on every college campus. There are the party people, study geeks, skaters, boneheads, intellectuals, environmental activists, drama people, etc etc etc.

 

No worries

[sweetheart230]

I'm not gonna lie...there are a lot of hookups where I go to school. I was unpreparedBut there are tons of real serious relationships, too. Lots and lots. You won't get tricked into having sex with someone (just try not to get completely wasted...I lost my virginity to a stranger that way and I would advise you to avoid that fate at all costs).

 

You have to remember a few things to avoid getting hurt, though. Your resistance is down when you drink, so its easier to get taken advantage of if you get too drunk. Second, don't let a guy charm his way into your pants. Some of these guys are really smooth talkers. Its easy to get attached, so if your red flags are going up and you feel as if something's just not right, don't be intimate with him.

 

There are tons of great guys at college! So many different people to choose from and meet. It will be lots of fun. I go to a ridiculously small school and still meet tons of cool people. Lots of guys want relationships. You just have to be picky and know which ones do and which ones don't.

 

Good luck!

[mystik]

Hey there, I'm in college right now...and unfortunately where I go, there is a lot of hook-ups, one night stands, etc...A LOT. Granted, I also lived on residence which is a bit different than if you live at home. My first few weeks there I could not believe how college really WAS a lot like college "in the movies." My first year, I mistook a lot of the attention I got from guys for real relationships. I did not actually lose my virginity to any of these losers and "players" but came close a few times because I so desperately wanted to just be liked. Be careful of guys like that, and trust me you will meet many who are like that. BUT, like everyone else has said, there are many people who did find meaningful, long-lasting and respectful relationships. It's just a bit harder to find those (but isn't that the case everywhere and not just in college?) Concerning being "tricked" into sleeping with someone who doesn't care about you...I suggest you just trust yourself. WAIT until they've shown you that they truly care for you. Do they ask you out on a date? Do they call you to see if you want to go out? Do they drop by your room to study? to go for dinner? Those are just some little signs that show you they're not just looking for sex. The guys who just want to sleep with you, will not even try to hide it. They will call you while they're drunk at 2am in the morning. They will turn to you and start massaging your leg right after being rejected by three other girls. They will try to get you drunk. And if you say no, they'll turn around - literally - and hit on the next girl. I fell for so many guys like my first two years and felt so bad about it...thinking that maybe I should just sleep with them. But you know what? End of second year, I gave a guy my phone number at a party, not expecting him to call as I had given up already. But he called me the very next day asking to go to a movie. That was the start of one my most fulfilling and loving relationships. He waited a long while (couple months) before I lost my virginity to him. Don't worry about this so much, you're going to have a great time in college. No matter what, trust yourself, don't do anything you don't want to, don't believe someone will love you if you just sleep with them, and even if you do make mistakes, take them as learning experiences and don't beat yourself up over them. The type of relationship you are looking for will come eventually, and it will be worth all the previous heartache and worries

[flutegirl23]

I'm in college now with a boy back home. We've been together 3 years and I've been in college for almost 2. Yes there are the hook ups but there are also people in committed relationships. And also, another thing that a lot of people think is that just because you're in a relationship with someone at home or another school you don't do anything. False. I've made so many friends and gone out and done things. As long as your open with what you're doing and you have trust then things are good.

[LIFE]

I'm a junior in college and I have yet to find someone/be in a relationship. I've joined clubs and volunteered for some random stuff but now I don't have time for anything anymore. I mean, it's better than High School but still, my experience has been terrible....it's almost like a nightmare. People have screwed me over so many times I nearly went crazy...so I hope you make the best out of it.

[Kevin T]

I'm not sure about everywhere, but I think college could be seen (at least from my experience) as a place just for hookups/one night stands. I've seen a few couples there... but a few weeks later, they had all broken up. lol Given the high-party atmosphere and energy in college, I'd say most students are primarily concerned with having a good time, not having a relationship yoked around their neck.

[ShySoul]

It's not about where you are, its about the people involved. Many people will see college as a chance to "experiment" and "get wild." They will only be out for one night stands. But there are many who want a serious relationship as well. You will also find those who want one night stands at any age or period in your life. And there will always be those who want serious relationships. If you are someone who wants the real thing, then just be careful about the people you get involved with. You can have the real deal in college.

[epilogue]

You've read it all. They've had bfs/gfs and hookups at the same time.

You will find serious relationships, don't expect to find faithful relationships easily. I really hope you find what you want. 'cuz I haven't.

[annie24]

Not to state the obvious or anything, but the primary purpose of college is to get an education and broaden your mind. College is there so you can take classes.

 

As for your extraciricullar education - I guess that just depends on what personal choices you make and what path they lead you down.

[SomeGuy112]

Hey hope, I'm pretty much in the same position. I'm a senior in high school and have never been in a meaningful relationship. I don't think college will be as bad as you heard though. From what I hear it's really all about the choices that you make. You'll see the one night stands and you'll see the genuine guys too. If you decide you want to meet guys by going to frat parties and such, you'll probably get a lot of one night stands. If you prefer to meet the guy who caught your eye in class and then approached in the cafeteria or something (I donno just made a senario up) then you might have more luck at finding a genuine person. I think just generally the manner in which you meet the person or they approach you will tell you a lot about their intentions. Anyway, it also depends on your interests and where you go to college. Like I said, frats are probably for one night stands and so are colleges that has reps as party schools.

 

That being said I do agree with annie that college is about education lol. And keep in mind that just because you are at college doesn't mean you are only meeting/dating people from that campus. There's still the entire city the college is in for you to explore. Good luck and I hope you get into your top choice if you haven't already!

[anxietygrl]

all my friends who went to college have met their sweethearts there and remained faithful to them. Even if your in a relationship....it is healthy to hang out with lots of people too....to broaden your circle. Just don't hurt that person that your in the relationship with, be adult about it.

the other half of my friends did hook up etc but the to the extent that you seen on "tv."

[CarnelianButterfly]

I personally thought college was for getting a degree, but I'm an engineer and we're not really know for our sexual explotes.

[ShySoul]

So you can't major in sex ed? Bet that dashes a lot of peoples dreams.

 

Just for useless information: Apparently accountants rank as the sexiest major. Who knew?

[anxietygrl]

I guess Im naive because I thought college was for learning and meeting new people too...not for tons

of hook ups, sexual (sometimes irresponsible) experiences etc....really that healthy for a young mind?

Im way too mature for my age lol. Im the mommy of my friend's group.

[Kevin T]

But the thing is though, what's wrong with expecting to meet someone at a large school with 40000 students? I see nothing wrong with such an expectation.

 

Of course one is there to obtain a formal education in whatever, but a lot of people who are in their 30s and 40s (especially amongst ones I know) mostly all met their husband or wife while they were in college or university. I think in a school of literally thousands of members of the opposite hovering about, one would be wise to attempt to take advantage of the given situation.

[ShySoul]

Good point Kevin. Though I went to a small school that didn't have nearly that many students. So the odds may be less then what you are thinking.

 

I think you shouldn't rule out relationships. But it shouldn't be priority that you find one. Focus on school first, and if something happens, then go ahead and take advantage of the opportunity. But don't have expectations that something has to happen.

[parkersoups]

As my high school counselor told me, "College is what you make it." If you go expecting hook-ups, binge drinking, unprotected sex, STD's, and failing grades than you will most likely find that.

[Kevin T]

Well, lots of people I know would fall under that category! For them, university is just a big joke and game; especially since mommy and daddy are paying for it all anyway!

[mystik]

Well, lots of people I know would fall under that category! For them, university is just a big joke and game; especially since mommy and daddy are paying for it all anyway!

 

YUP!! I know a guy who is COMPLETELY loaded. I'm talking "my daddy's the ceo of a major international corporation, my mom is a trophy wife, we have ten houses in various countries" type of loaded. And what does he do? He smokes pot all day. Sometimes he switches it up with a little cocaine. He's going to get a big money paying job from his dad anyway so he really doesn't have to care about his grades.

 

And another guy I know, got a Porsche for his 19th birthday. WHO the heck gives their child a Porsche? So instead of doing any work, he uses it to pick up the ladies.

 

But on the flip side, there are some rich kids who deserve it. My girl friend gets everything she wants, but she also spends 18/24 hours of her days studying or doing something school related. She has no worries whatsoever that she will get into Med School. That's so much more admirable.

[ShySoul]

Well, lots of people I know would fall under that category! For them, university is just a big joke and game; especially since mommy and daddy are paying for it all anyway!

 

I know how that it. People who are getting a free ride while others have to work their butts off. So not fair.

 

But like mystik said, there are those rich kids who honestly work hard and earn what they get. So it comes down to the individual and what they want to make of themselves.