more confused than before

[Big Jim]

Yesterday was an odd day for me. I hadnt talked to my girl since friday after a stupid drunken fight with her on the phone. She then started calling me like mad on monday, asking what she has done etc, i got calls, texts, and even an email. She calls me yesterday really really early, orbviously cannot sleep, beggin me just to tell her why im being this way. Well i call her back a while later and she is a wreck. She is falling apart at the seams. She thought i had left town (spring break) and even drove by my house to see if my car was there. She calls me back in the afternoon and is so down, i talk to her a while , then let her go. She calls again when i was at the gym, i call her back and she wanted to know if i wanted to come over. Here i was torn, i know i should say no, but i honestly cannot be mean to this girl (i could tell she needed to talk to someone). So i go over there. Well the whole night consisted of her opening up to me, talking about everything wrong in her life, she has hit rock bottom etc. I could tell it helped her tons to talk and she picked up alot. We didnt talk about us much, i kinda avoided it. I dont know what to do anymore, she has some serious isssues, and is so lost in life in general, however she does treat me poorly 50% of the time. I am no longer her doormat, if she is a * * * * * to me, i simply tell her to leave me alone and walk away, but at the same time she cant go three days without talking to me. Is NC the best choice? or should i try to conditionally be there for her still? I do have this to say, even though i had a good time, i feel worse today than i have in weeks.

[texasman123]

Kepp up what you are doing. Try to keepo things light and if she starts acting poorly towards you just walk away as you said.....Be there for her but don't let her suck energy out of you to make her feel better. you're doing well, keep it up...

[Big Jim]

It is eaiser said then done. I am changing on my part as well, i have realized there is a lot more going on with her then just our relationship, i guess i was blinded by my hurt ego. She had mentioned something about our last valentines together, how great it was, but then she also acknowledged she is not the same girl, in a bad way. She said she hasnt felt herself in months, and is so unhappy. Its odd, she was unhappy in a relationship with me, but even unhappier when there is nothing between us. I love and hate this girl at the same time, i hate some of the stuff she has done to me, but i still see the girl i knew for so long, sometimes. In a positive sense, these brief periods of NC (a week or so) have proven to me that i am ok without her, so that is easier for me.

[BONO]

Here is a thought.

 

Why dont you tell her that you are going to see someone because you are down ( in fact that might not be far off the truth ) This person has then asked you to get your ex in the session as well, to help you.

 

If your ex agrees then bingo - you are both seeing a prof about her problems and can turn the whole session into a date.

 

Scruff

[texasman123]

I really think that you have gotten to the point where you need to layoff her. She needs help. It is evident from all of your posts. She has problems and she needs to deal with them. It will drive you crazy and suck up haf your life if you try and go with her on this. Just get out of it now, and go against what I said before. If she calls and needs help tell her she nees to find other providers. It sounds like that will make you happy.

[Mun]

I know this is going to sound mean, but here it goes anyway.

You are not there to save her from herself, or from her problems...she has to resolve these herself. You can offer your support, and be there (if you want to) for when she needs to talk, but don't do it if it hurts you to do it...know what I'm saying?

 

Don't let her drag you down with her. It sounds like she needs more help than you are qualified to give. You are right in not allowing her to mistreat you anymore, she will learn that it's not acceptable when she sees you are not around for it like you used to be.