mystik Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 I had been dating my ex boyfriend for a year. A month ago, I had a dream that he and one of his best girl friends slept together. I'm a very rational person and obviously did not believe that just because I dreamed something, that it was true. I told him my dream, just for laughs and he said something like don't worry I love you, blah blah. I've never been the jealous type, pride myself on having a life independent from my boyfriend, and 'allowing' him to have a life of his own too. But I started getting these weird and paranoid feelings about her, no matter how uneasy I felt. He always wanted me to meet her, said she wanted to be good friends with me, just didn't happen as we always hung out in large groups, so didn't really get to know her too well. Anyway, I convinced myself that I was just being silly and paranoid, after all, he insisted he loved me, and treated me like he did. I don't take any crap from guys so it wasn't like he treated me badly or acted like he liked her...but I just had this odd feeling. WELL long story short, last week he confessed that he had fallen for her over the last month, that it didn't change how he felt about me, but that I was right all along. I guess my point is........I'm going to fully trust my instincts from now on. I'm not bitter, I believe him when he said he wanted it to work and hoped he would just "get over it." I'm just saying...I should have trusted myself. Anyone else been in the same situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keenan Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 I've never had it play out exactly like that, but I trust my gut. I think humans are information sponges. We soak up lots of things that we aren't processing fully at the time--an unusual turn of phrase, a glance that lingers too long, a pause that lasts a couple of seconds longer than it usually would, etc. By themselves, these things don't mean much...but over time, and in the right combination, they might accumulate to form a tidy little package of 'uh oh'. Of course, it's possible to overdo it. But it sounds like you didn't! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Need1ozHope Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 My ex use to have multiple dreams of me cheating on her with a girl named Jez. She was certain that I was cheating and would get on my case all because of her dream. I never cheated on her but she thought differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keenan Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 My ex use to have multiple dreams of me cheating on her with a girl named Jez. She was certain that I was cheating and would get on my case all because of her dream. I never cheated on her but she thought differently. Well. I guess that falls into the 'overdoing it' camp. Sorry, man. I guess it's important to consider all the biases and insecurities the "sponge" brings to the situation, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scout Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 This is why I don't date guys who have female best friends. I've had it backfire on me in the past, and I've seen too many incidents like what you described. Sorry to hear this happened to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 I've never had it play out exactly like that, but I trust my gut. I think humans are information sponges. We soak up lots of things that we aren't processing fully at the time--an unusual turn of phrase, a glance that lingers too long, a pause that lasts a couple of seconds longer than it usually would, etc. By themselves, these things don't mean much...but over time, and in the right combination, they might accumulate to form a tidy little package of 'uh oh'. Of course, it's possible to overdo it. But it sounds like you didn't! Very true - Scout - Yikes!!!! I've been in a similar situations also, and it really sucks when a guy falls for his female best friend. grr.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bethany Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 I trut my gut 100%. Your mind can be convinced, your heart can be fooled but your gut is never wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coollady1957 Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Yes quite a few times I have had that GUT feeling or instinct about something. More times than not, my intuitions were right on the money. I have not had the exact same situation that you did, but it was a situation with my now ex BF and his cheating. I rely on my gut instints quite a bit. I agree with Keenans post about how we absorb things into our mind and thoughts daily and eventually those thoughts might come together in to a revelation of " uh oh, something is just not right here" . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mystik Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 My ex use to have multiple dreams of me cheating on her with a girl named Jez. She was certain that I was cheating and would get on my case all because of her dream. I never cheated on her but she thought differently. that sucks too!! I'm sorry your ex didn't believe you. At first I started getting worried because I didn't want to drive him away because of my crazy/irrational insecurities. But it wasn't just the dream, it was all those little things that keenan described. Even right before he dumped me, I had convinced myself that I was just crazy. And bethany, what you said "Your mind can be convinced, your heart can be fooled but your gut is never wrong," is so true. Well at least I learned something from this! Definitely will be more aware of my own feelings going into the next relationship. thanks everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Wow, thats sure must suck!!! How dare u replace u for his gal best friend, no excuses, he did it conscioulsy knowing he's in a relation. Yea, at times u have to relied on ur instinct/guts, but at times one might over do it and it might not be so reliable. Anyways u should have dump him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 People have greater abilities of perception then we give ourself credit for. As keenan said, we are always picking up pieces of information. With good observational skills and a little lateral thinking, it is remarkable how much a person can decipher. Some people will say its gut, instinct, phsyic ability, etc... I think its just our brain putting the pieces together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bethany Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 It's not from your brain, it comes from you gut. It's a GUT feeling not a thought or a series of thoughts adding up. And from a woman about instinct and on a thread about instinct..... you would be wise to 'listen' to yours, it will save you a lifetime of heartache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 LOL - your gut doesn't "think" - your gut processes food I do agree with the the "picking up pieces of information subconsciously." I don't remember where I was reading about it, but it was a scientific explanation recently in some journal about the science behind "intuition" and "a 6th sense." That's basically what it came down to - little things that your conscious mind didn't think much about, your subconscious is storing info, thinking it over, without even knowing it. It's like this: I've dated guys who have had female friend. With some guys, I was very suscpicious and had a bad "gut feeling." With other guys with female friends, not at all. It wasn't the amount of time they spent together, but I think it was that gut feeling. The "gut" was probably reporting on tiny little things that I barely noticed, like how they said her name, or maybe how their eyes looked when they talked about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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