Lily04 Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 he's OK, but I know he's had a crush on me since September when we first met and he finally asked me out for coffee, he was sorta nervous... I would have felt bad to say no. But I don't like him in that way... unfortunately we live in the same residence so I didn't feel like I could just give him a fake number since I see him now & then. what should i do. p.s. I know I should be away from here... but I just had to ask since it's Valentine's day, he'll probably call me today... I'm too busy anyway with my work to go out. But just want to post a quick message.. i'll check back later for the replies once my essay is done. thanks guys. Link to comment
walkingwithaghost Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 you can just be friends with him. ppl respect honesty you shouldn't lead him on to avoid "feeling bad" or "being rude" leading someone on and letting them spend $2 on coffee for you is even worse. just be nice to him and friendly but make it clear youre not attracted to him. maybe when he calls you can ask him for advice about the guy you do like? that will surely turn him off and convey the appropriate message... Link to comment
Alabama Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 You could just tell you want to be friends, or maybe the truth. If you don't want to date him, than tell him so. Sure his heart will be crushed, but he'll recover. Good luck. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 Thanks. How do I make it clear to him that I'm not attracted to him/only see him as a friend though? I mean, I think he's a nice guy but I just don't see him in that way. So when he calls should I say, sorry but I'm really busy and not really interested in going out with him? Is going out for coffee even really a date? that's why I didn't want to say "I don't want to go out with you" because then he might be like "well, it's only coffee, it's not a date..." Another problem: when I met him in the library & he asked me out, I was sorta flirtatious. I didn't really mean to be, but I was... so I don't want to lead him on anymore. How to be clear with my intentions, but not hurt him either? Link to comment
wlfpack81 Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 If you really didn't like him then why give him your darn # in the 1st place!?!?! I hate girls who do crap like this. Just be upfront right away or at least make an excuse not to give him your # to begin with b/c by giving him your # you basically led him on. Link to comment
Mr. Jones Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 become friends with him? then somehow let him know you don't feel attracted to him in that way- but try not to be blunt about it Link to comment
Lily04 Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 maybe I can say something like I don't really see him in that way, but just want to be friends? And I just wanted to tell him so he doesn't expect it's a date or something? I dunno. I have a problem of unintentionally leading guys on. It's not like I want to... it's just that at first I assume they just want to be friends. And then they get hurt because they want more. So I want to be as clear as possible now... Link to comment
Mr. Jones Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 that sounds like the best way to do it. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted February 16, 2006 Author Share Posted February 16, 2006 Ok... guess I knew it myself all along. He still hasn't called me yet, and I'm too busy to think about it anyway. Link to comment
barenmind Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 Just because you give a guy a # doesn't mean you have to date him. If he's smart, he'll understand that. Don't just avoid a potential friend because he had coffee with you, and asked to have your # though. How "flirtatious" were you when you met him? Please don't mistake flirtation for showing kindness and interest in someone as a friend, just because you perceive that most men do. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted February 16, 2006 Author Share Posted February 16, 2006 Barenmind, Yes, I understand that. I have had coffee with male friends in the past (even when I knew they were attracted to me), and wasn't flirtatious so they got the hint that I only saw them as a friend. However, I am not friends with this guy, we've only seen each other on a few occasions. I also know almost positively that he is attracted to me and doesn't just see me as a friend, so I don't want to lead him on. He always gets a bit flustered when he sees me and checks me out and such. Usually when I saw him in the elevator I wasn't very flirtatious, just kind and acted friendly, and I think that's why he never asked me out. But then when I met him in the library I was in a really silly mood, thinking about Valentines Day and such, and did act quite flirtatious with him unintentionally, and I think that's what gave him the confidence to ask me out... Sure, I wouldn't mind going out just to get to know each other better as 'friends' but I'm not sure he wants that and don't want to lead him on either. Link to comment
Mr. Jones Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 situations like that have never worked out for me...just let him know your cool with getting to know him as a friend, but not interested in a realtionship with him. You can probably phrase it in a better way... goodluck and let us know how it goes. Link to comment
barenmind Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 Maybe he's shy and not used to being around women he finds attractive. If you really think he's a nice guy, maybe you could introduce him to some of your single friends who might be more interested. Invite him to hang out with you and your friends, then you won't have to worry about the whole date intimacy setting at least. Just subtely make it clear that the two of you aren't "together" without making him feel alienated. Link to comment
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