annie24 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 ok, well, you can vent to us about your ex bf. Yeah, your feelings are normal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 Here's some more venting...... I actually answered a caller id blocked call and guess who it was??? If you guessed my ex bf, you would be right. He asked me if I had the kids?? I said no, why are you calling me?? He said that he wanted to make sure that the kids and I were okay during the storm being plowed in(I figure he drove my during shift and noticed). Then he started questioning me and I said again "Why are you calling me??" He said that "I wanted to see how you and your boy were doing "(he meant the guy he thinks I'm interested in)?? I said "F*** off, M******" and hung up. Why is he still calling me?? I am trying to get over him, why won't he let me move on with my life?? Now I cannot even answer my cell phone without fear that it might be him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I think he may still be calling because he gets a kick out of tormenting you. YUUUCKK!!! Just let your voicemail pick up from now on (for a while). My philosophy is, if it's important, someone will leave a message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Echo Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Nathalie, This situation SUCKS, and I am soo sorry, but you know what? This simply proves the kind of person he REALLY is. He sounds very immature..and he's a COP??? yikes!!! Hang in there girl....and STOP answering the phone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 It really sounds like he does get a kick out of tormenting you. You said he was a cop too? Jeez, no wonder I don't like police too much. lol He may have been hurt by your new non-existant guy, but it sure as heck isn't any excuse for him to attack you like this. After all, who ended the relationship huh? Are you expected to hang around waiting for him forever? Heck no! It's good to hear that your friend is willing to forgive you. I can see it from her point of view, if that's all you talk about it can be wearing. At least your ex's actions will probably help you to get over him all the more quickly. Honestly, he sounds stalkerish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 Thank you, everyone. Yes he is a cop (scary) and you're right he is now being stalkerish. He broke up with me, I spent the whole breakup trying to patch things up, talking, saying we should go to counseling and he wanted nothing to do with it. Now all of a sudden he has the little boy mentality "I don't want it, but no one else can have it either" I am getting stronger the crazier he is. I haven't heard from him since last night, I hope he doesn't do anything else to throw me off balance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 The little boy mentality is dead on I think. I think it goes a little deaper though. Before he had control over you and your feelings. You wanted him back after all and tried very hard to do so. When he found out that you had a "boyfriend" he must have realized he couldn't play with your feelings anymore. His control over you was gone in his mind, so he paniced and went to another form of control. Fear.. Honestly Nathalie, if he does call again, tell him he's acting like a stalker and if he does it again, you'll call the police. I'm sure police officers have a higher standard when comes to that. That would surely get him to stop. At least his craziness is showing you the real him. Real attractive huh? Oh and I forgot to mention. You're not the stupidest woman alive. Not by a long shot. You made a bad judgement call because you were hurting. I don't think anyone can claim they've never done that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 Thank you, lonely, but as for calling the police, I can't. We have a dept of about 40 (maybe less) and they would all stick by him. I would go to the chief but if he lost his job or got into trouble, this town would most likely make it out to be my fault. I have 2 kids who still need to live in this small town. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigerwalk Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Nathalie, you right about making sure that your kids are safe. I'm not downplaying the seriousness of the situation, but if you don't feel physically threatened then just ignore all of his calls, blocked calls, and private numbers and let VM take care of it. If things begin to take a turn for the worse, then you have physical proof of his threats on voice mail. It's also never a bad idea to document these sort of things....just in case you may need them down the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Wow... I would *so* be talking to the police chief... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 If it continues, yes I would too. If the local police chief wouldn't do anything there are ways to make him do something, like going to another town's police chief to investigate. Despite what a lot of police officers may think (at least the ones I know), they aren't above the law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 Thanks again, lonely, the fact that so many people care means alot to me On the bright side, I have received no calls since sunday night, maybe he's done with trying to torment me. If I make it through today with no calls from him then I figure I will be in the clear. I leave for home this saturday for a week, so he will not be able to contact or see me.... Wish me luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo34 Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Nathalie, do NOT let this "man" intimidate U. Cops DO stick 2gether, especially the dirty ones. Just because he thinks that he can get away with stalking U or anything like that....he's going 2 get in 2x the trouble. He is using his position as a police officer as a personal vendetta. Think about all the access that he has. Say U have a new man and his car's in your driveway. Do U know that all he has 2 do is run the guy's license plate and get ALL of his personal information. Then, he can make life VERY ROUGH 4 this new guy(when U do get one) AND U. If I was U, I would without a doubt in my mind go and speak 2 the police chief about this. The cops are supposed 2 "serve and protect" not "intimidate and stalk." Far 2 many woman have ended up beaten, hurt, or even dead because of creeps. Don't let yourself become another victim of this type of harassment. Don't think "it won't happen 2 me." Look, he could even do something 2 your kids VERY easily in his position. I mean, I don't know how old they are, but let's say that your kids are getting out of school, and if someone were 2 see a cop talking 2 a kid, they wouldn't think anything of it. Not trying 2 scare U, only trying 2 bring reality 2 the forefront. Protect yourself, and this town ISN'T going 2 be against U or your family. Scandals with law enforcement people are often 2 common. This will be just another dirtbag that thinks he's above the laws that he's supposed 2 help enforce. Take care, and if that is in fact U in the picture there, then U will not have any trouble finding a new man anytime soon. Just ease off of the alcohol and protect yourself and your children. Take care!! -Solo34 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 Thanks Solo, Everything you say is true, he does think he is above the law and everytime I have spoken to a guy (interested or not interested in) he has run their plates or found a way to call them and start asking questions about me. One of my friends from this town that I have known for 5 or 6 yrs wouldn't say hi to me the other day so I went up to him and said hi. He said "don't take this personally but no guy in this town really wants to talk to you anymore because of how crazy the ex is" (he has called, gone to their house or generally made it known he was looking for them) Weird thing is, I am the one who wanted to get back with him these past few weeks then all of a sudden he acts like I have been cheating on him by talking on the phone with a guy. I would ask him (the ex) to go out to talk, and he would say no and go with friends instead. I would be so hurt and weepy and he didn't care. Why is he acting like this now?? I still haven't heard from him, so maybe he has given up.... p.s. yes, that is me in the pic and I could care less about men right now, even if I was interested, the ex would find out and ruin it. I also never have gotten as out of control as I did on friday night and I hope to never be like that again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonelyinasmalltown Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 You are an attractive women Nathalie. To the problem at hand. It's much worse than I thought it was. If I was you I'd definitely be going to the police. If the local police won't do anything, there are always police in the next town or state police right? Yes, bad cops do stick together, but only if they know each other. What's happened to you is criminal harassment. You yourself has already stated that no other men in town want to talk to you anymore because your ex calls and harasses them. He sounds like he has a real big mean streak in him. Do you really think it's going to stop? I really do pray it has stopped, but seriously, if he calls and harasses you again, go the cops, any cops. Don't worry about what other people may think of you. You're the victim here you know, you're only going to be standing up for yourself. If other people can't respect that, then to heck with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigerwalk Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Nathalie, I didn't realize that it was that bad either. I do recommend getting help from someone...soon, otherwise it's going to be tough to have a life until he finds someone new. Proof is going to be key, because you're right. If it's a he said-she said, the cops will protect their buddy. See if you can document anything that has happened or does happen and make copies. Once you have the ammo, then you can go to anybody you want to. BTW, I agree with solo, you will have no problem finding a good man...when you are ready! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Echo Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Hey Nat!! I dated a cop for a few years on and off. We're no longer together but still friends. Your story is very scary to be honest. Seriously....take precautions in case things get worse. This guy has NO rights as far as your love life is concerned. If he thinks he is "above the law" and starts making trouble, definetly report him. My ex has told me in the past that if there is a complaint against an officer, a mandatory investigation is required. Maybe this guy has had former complaints against him. Police officers ARE required to hold a higher standard of other people because other people depend on them to do the "right" thing. This guy could have a screw loose when it comes to personal relationships...and yet still be a great officer. Oh..and I know it's not really any consolation..but Law enforcement DOES have one of the highest divorce rates of any profession.... PM me anytime if you need to talk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 You guys are making me wish I didn't erase the 3 crazy msgs that he left on Saturday night. He hasn't called since sunday and it is now 911pm, I think I might be in the clear. He said what he had to say and I didn't put up with it like I usually did, I told him where to go and hung up. Maybe he finally realizes that I mean business, and that be can't treat me like dirt anymore (or that he will leave me alone just for the simple fact that he thinks that I am with someone else). Only time will tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Yeah, umm... save any future messages. Period! No excuses. And, if he leaves a burning cross on your lawn, photograph it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 Yeah, umm... save any future messages. Period! No excuses. And, if he leaves a burning cross on your lawn, photograph it. LOL thank you for the laugh, NJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Echo Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Yeah, lets hope his "crazy" phase was short lived and is now over. Hang in there Nat...you are doing awesome and being strong We're here for ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yelloemail Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 ex boyfriends suck don't they! your friend shouldn't be mad at you, really. i mean, i have had several friends who have gotten drunk and got a little emotional, it is totally normal! ask her if she has ever done anything like that and i am sure she will have to answer with a "yes". sometimes we are just emotional and it is good to get it out! tell her you are sorry (if you want) and if she says you were overly dramatic just wait until she has trouble in paradise and becomes a little emotional. than remind her how she got mad at you. that sounds a little mean but come on, if she has wants to keep a friend that is female she has to understand that there will be drama and emotions at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathalie1970 Posted February 16, 2006 Author Share Posted February 16, 2006 I need you guys now....this is a long one, my life has been in emotional upheaval all afternoon, I received 2 awful emails,basically telling me that he believes I have been with this other guy for the last year and that basically I am an awful person, which of course stupid me responded to it with a nasty email of my own. "Whatever, you lied to me again and again yourself. You are a spiteful jerk, who has a memory like a sieve. I know you were talking to sarah when you had changed your number(yes, everytime we got into a fight), I knew you talked to kate the whole time you were in florida last year and direct connecting sarah at 2am(again in florida). I know about the girl from philadelphia when you went away new years, I know about your little girl tony, brittany, waithera, julie, karen....the list goes on. Let's not forget how you called Sarah the night we broke up at her work a year and half ago or how you called Karen 2 days later inviting her out here or how you were picking up girls while you were still sleeping with me or going out with sarah. By the way you never were "friends" with kate or sarah, you use to talk to them maybe once every couple of months, then all of a sudden they were so important you couldn't let them go(talking to them constantly). So when you talk about distrust know that I share it too, but was willing to work through it. How many times did you make me look like an a**, do you ever ask yourself that? Yet, I still took you back and got over it, because like the a**hole that I am, I wanted to be with you no matter the cost to my self worth or pride. As for scott, I didn't start talking to him until I found out you went to florida this last time and asked him his opinion on what to do. I never saw him once, the last time I saw him was last july or august at the airport, when I was working and so was he. He didn't understand why I still wanted to be with you when you didn't want to be with me but he still never put you down or tried to talk me into bed. Remember, you were there when I told him we couldn't go out anymore because I was back with you. I never cared for scott in that way or wanted to sleep with him. And as for leaving anything for you anymore, you don't have to worry about that, I guess I just am alot more forgiving than you are or ever will be. You are mean and spiteful, you love to forget how many times I tried to talk to you these last few weeks, and how rude you were. You didn't care at all about how I was feeling, and as for talking to other guys about how to handle our problem, I did. I talked to guys and girls hoping somebody would give me insight on what to do. Never say that you "still" love me because the love I know is forgiving and kind. I figure you have already done something spiteful and hope she's worth it, you inconsiderate jerk. I unlike you have been faithful no matter how you treated me, there was no "other" guy. I could care less if you believe me, take your crappy, a**hole attitude and go to hell. By the way, I want the picture of me that I paid money for(the one I told you I wanted), I figure you have thrown everything in the garbage, so fish it out and leave it at my house. Go torture some other girl's life, make her feel like she's worthless, make her lose self respect and think she is not worth unconditional love. Did you honestly think you could break me?? I am stronger than that, stronger than you think. I will have a happy life and thank god you will not be a part of it because you don't know how to make anyone happy. Your past relationships have shown the world that, I was just too stupid to see it. The rose colored glasses are off and so are the gloves, I will fight for my happiness and you will never again destroy it. " He responded with this email "I'll get you your picture when I see that your not around. I have not put you down in these emails so keep your insults to yourself. Lets not forget that you are FAR from an angel." And then I finished with this "I never said I was an angel, far from it, but you act like you are. I know how to love someone no matter what their faults are, you don't. As for the insults, you have put me down constantly (to my face and in your backhanded comments), so I figure now that I could give a flying rats a** about what you think of me, I owe you. Like I said my self worth and pride are back, you were a jerk this last weekend, all you care about are your feelings. Your feelings now mean nothing to me, I tried to do something nice and got slapped in the face, so now I am done being nice to you. Even broken up, I always put you first, trying to make you feel better, no matter how inconvenient it was to me (and before you say anything I enjoyed doing it, because that's what love is). You on the other hand did not. You want my true feelings about everything, well now you have it. I don't like how you treated me or how you talked to me or how unforgiving you are. I am not perfect, but if I did something to hurt your feelings intentionally or unintentionally I apologized, I always forgave you and never acted like jerk if you had gotten me a card (hell, all the s**t you put me through, I should have a greenhouse of flowers and a library of cards) You only think of how you feel, think of someone else for a change Unlike what you would have done, I talked scott out of going to the chief this last weekend, he told me to take care of this situation or he would. I actually told him you were not normally like this and that you just were hurt that I was talking to him about our relationship and that I lied to you about talking to him but you would not have your cousin call him again or cause any more problems. I don't expect a thank you out of you, because that is so unlike you (yes, that was a shot at you but it feels good to finally say it instead of keeping it in for fear of hurting you), but I knew that if he did go to the chief, it would not look good for you at all. I did not want you to get into trouble (why is beyond me?? since you have so little regard for me, being the lying b**** that you say that I am)" He sent this email and then called me to basically say the same thing "I'm glad that your "friend", who you just talk to about your problems, is looking out for you, and is willing to come to ****** and get involved in this mess. He sounds like a great friend for somebody that you've only been talking to for five weeks. None the less, if you feel that you helped me, I am grateful. You can tell fire boy to grow a set of balls and come confront me on his own if he wants to impress you so bad. You can escort him to my house if you like. He sounds awful fired up for a guy who has no interest in you. (don't you think?), but you know what you're doing I hope. By the way, what the hell does he want to tell the chief that I did? I have not done a damn thing. " I was at my girlfriends house studying for the real estate exam that I have to take tomorrow and ended up bawling. He tries to say "I wish you nothing but happiness" I stopped him and said "I wish you nothing but misery and don't fool yourself, you don't want me to be happy" I said I have to go, I have to study and he was like "I wish you luck on the test". How can he yell at me one second and try to be nice the next?? I could just puke, he has upset me so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bcuzitwasfun Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 Hi Nathalie I've been following your posts and thought that I'd respond to this one. This is my first post to this site as I've been reading and finding support from the great people from this site. I won't go into my break up story, however I did see my ex today in the parking lot at work. She ask me if I got her email and I said I have not seen it or it may be in my junk email folder. My email program randomly selects what to put in junk email. She got mad and told me to f- off. That hurt me. Eventhough yesterday was Valentines day, which was a good day for me, today has been a bad day, a set back day. I think that we have a V-day hangover. Anyhow....... It sounds to me like this guy still has strong feelings for you and wants to keep you on the back burner. He knows that besides being very attractive, you know and can share the true feelings of love. That is something that is hard to find now a days. I can't give you advice, I can only tell you what I'd do in your situation. It is allways easier to say what you would do than to do it, so here it goes.... I think that you should let this be the last communication for a while. It may be impossible but give it your best shot. He needs to really find out what he is giving up by treating you like sh!t. You are the only one that can show him by ignoring him as much as you can. From what his responses are to you, it seems like he knows, he just needs to find out. Many people think that moving on means finding someone new to date or going out and partying all the time. I don't agree with this theory. I think moving on means moving on without your ex. You can live your life without them and in most cases you can live it better. That tends to eat ex's up more than the new gf/bf. They realize that you don't need them and that you really did love them once you are gone. I hope that I have helped you some. I really do hope that you do well on your exam. Go For It!! This is a good move on your part! Your friend bcuzitwasfun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJRon Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 All I can say is I hope you feel better for getting that all out of your system. I hope now you can move on. I hope that you kick butt on the exam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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