Trust issues

[77streaks]

Hi there,

i am very unhappy with this guy i've been together with for 4 mths.

He was extremely intense, and we have met each others parents and he claimed that he wanted to marry me. I was unsure, the time seemed too short, and i am going abroad to study.

 

despite his claims of love, and acts of sweetness, he has a best friend, a girl who models in various states of undress for men's magazines. He chats online with her and seems very secretive. She has introduced dates to him.

One social occasion, he told this girl that i was his 'friend'. later i found out that he used to go out with her. I was really angry and wanted to call it off as i disliked his insincerity.

 

He cried, begged and pleaded. I relented.

 

We get along intellectually and creatively, yet i cannot trust him.

 

I just found a card he made for his best girl friend, which he hid. It sounded very "romantic" in nature, proclaiminng the joy of have met her, and that their lives are "entwined". I found it suspicious that he hid the card. He claimed that he knew i disliked her and would react to the card.

 

I left. Now, i am unhappy, and i wonder if i have issues trusting or if i made the right decision. I would appreciate some perspective...

 

thanks

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Absolute right decision.

 

Id be a bit put off just by the intensity, but to be honest, without trust you dont have a whole lot else, and it sounds like your boyfriend is/was still emotoinally involved with this girl, if not physically.

[arwen]

Well, I see red flags popping up all over the place here:

 

* he's introduced you to her as a friend

* he used to date her

* he is still in much contact with her

* he makes some sort of romantic gesture to her

 

I don't know, if it smells like it, it... you get the gist.

 

I think for such an early stage in the relationship, you have an awful lot of issues here. I went out with a guy who wanted to marry me, etc. He never fancied me in fact, he was just rebounding. His ex sent him a card, and I started hearing less and less from him. I broke up with him two weeks later. Turns out he never got over that ex.

 

I hope this offers some perspective, I think you shouldn't be in a relationship when you gut tells you otherwise.

 

Ilse

[77streaks]

thanks for your reply. yea, my friends find his intensity strange. i feel a strange sort of blank feeling, and not that great.

 

i guess it is quite obvious. he keeps telling me that he is not what imagine him to be. doesn't feel good, but i'll survive.

[77streaks]

it is very uncomfortable for me to be near him anymore. I wanted to be loved i guess, and this could well be a rebound, explaining the great intensity.

 

at the beginning of the relationship, his presense helped me a great deal, as i was going through therapy, i was in an accident and suffered PTSD. I am a little depressive and being in a relationship with him allowed me to open up and cheered me up immensely.

 

to be clear, he has not dated this good friend who is a girl, but he told another ex date that i was his friend. He tried to remedy it, but the truth i guess is that i really just can't feel emotionally safe with him.

 

this is the first time i am posting on a forum about my emotions, and i am really glad to hear from you, and i feel very supported. thanks!

[arwen]

Oh, sorry I got confused about the different girls

 

The most important thing is that you are unhappy in the relationship. The best reason to call it quits!

 

ilse

[annie24]

I think you did the right thing. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't trust him either!!! And how can you be in a relationship with someone you don't trust? It's just not possible or pleasant.

 

I hope you meet a nice new guy who doesn't have underwear models as best friends

[Itsok]

Absolutely did the right thing. Better to get out of this relationship now before their 'friendship' turned into something else.