a2000 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Went out with a guy in my class.. twice. I told him we can only be friends.. I didn't think we were right for each other. Haven't been out with him again because I don't know if he realises we can only be friends. He is always saying how good looking I am and just making comments, flirting etc. He asked me out last week. I told him I can't go out with him so he told me.. "We are only friends, I thought we sorted this?" The thing is.. he wants me to go round his to chill out and watch a dvd. I don't mind, I just don't want him thinking he will change my mind. I have never had a boyfriend or had any boys that are friends. I'm 19.. Shall I go round his as friends or does he want more? Can a boy and a girl be friends?? I don't know.. help please Link to comment
hk87 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 You just have to tell him your only coming round as a friend- nothing else. You have to set the rules before, otherwise he might get carried away. There is no reason why you shouldn't be friends. It's good to have a mix of friends. I'm not sure if guys and girls can be friends without one wanting more. at one point or other. I'm still deciding on that however. It's usually how you start talking- one likes the other as more! Hk87 Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Hi there, I am sort of on the opposite side of this scenario. Where I really like my friend but he only has feelings for me as a friend. This has been hard coming to terms with. You know trying to find different angles or ways he can look at it. The thing is we are on a "break" for a bit so that I can sort out my feelings for him. We are still friends and always will be. We do have a special connection and once my heart can come to terms with the reality I think it can only make our friendship stronger. I try and look at it as Jerry and Elaine on Seinfeld they were a couple and then were the best of friends. We weren't a couple but nonetheless we will be great friends. I think that if you have told your friend that is all you want to be and he still is giving you the vibe that he wants more...go with your gut because you are probably right. I would say maybe not hang out for awhile and let him get used to the fact that you are just his friend. Good Luck, Link to comment
Alabama Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 You've made it clear to him that you just wants to friends, and that's okay. I have plenty of girls are just friends. Nothing more. If he can't accept the fact that you don't want to be his girlfriend, than that's his problem. Good luck! Link to comment
TiredMan Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Hmmm don't get this guy. If I went out with a girl twice and then she said the "friends" thing, I wouldn't hang out with her again. Why should I? You either start out as friends or you aren't really friends. It doesn't "develop" that way and any guy who says it can is lying. He just wants more but is taking anything he can get with the hope of it blossoming. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I have plenty of male friends who are just friends. They tell me about their gfs, I tell them my stories too. Yes, men and women can be just friends. As long as you are clear about your feelings, sure, there is no problem. Have fun! Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Yeah, there are definitely platoinic relationships. If you want to test his intentions, talk about any guys you like. But don't talk about relationship problems... that won't tell you anything. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I have plenty of male friends who are just friends. They tell me about their gfs, I tell them my stories too. Yes, men and women can be just friends. As long as you are clear about your feelings, sure, there is no problem. Of course there are plenty. If someone goes out a couple of times with someone and THEN one of them decides that, then I know I wouldn't stick around. And like I said, guys who do stick around with the woman says that after they already went out is just HOPING. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Yeah, I hope he is not "hoping." That is a serious waste of time. When I talk to my male friends, I tell them all about my crushes and bfs and I offer to introduce my male friends to my single female friends. I try to make sure that they are clear that it is about friendship, and nothing else! Link to comment
TiredMan Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 but again, if these were guys you went out with and then decided that you wanted to be just friends, then I don't know what to say about these guys. If you started out as friends, then that's a whole other thing. Sad thing is that I know guys who will stay in that "friend" role because they like the girl and are hoping. I want to smack them in the head and tell them to just ignore her lol. Link to comment
hopelesslee Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I think that, yes, men and women can be just friends, but it is usually more complicated than that. Often, one of the two people is interested in the other as more than a friend, but they don't broach the subject because it is, obviously, very sensitive. Sometimes both of the people are romantically interested in one another, and they then have to decide whether or not the friendship is important enough to risk losing. I'm not saying it's impossible for people of the opposite sex to be friends, but I do think it is harder for both people to consider the friendship as just that for a long period of time. Sadly enough, there are often alterior motives on one side or the other. With this guy, you should just be sure to make YOUR motives clear, and that he understands them. Link to comment
akskier Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 I think if you hang out with him, it might give him some excitement, and mabye a new feeling of confidence to wanting more from you. It sounds like he already does want more, but you can still have friends that are guys. just like i have plenty of friends who are girls, nothing more than friends. but if you've talked it out already - and you both understood it's friends only, if he can't resist, then it's not your fault and it's his problem. Link to comment
a2000 Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 Thanks for your replies. Update: We are going to the cinema at the weekend. He better not try anything! I don't think he will because I've told him enough times.. we are just friends, right? Link to comment
TiredMan Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Thanks for your replies. Update: We are going to the cinema at the weekend. He better not try anything! I don't think he will because I've told him enough times.. we are just friends, right? Why go out with him to the movies then? Seems you are kinda stringing him along. Maybe knowing he wants you is a rush for you and more important than his feelings? If he wants more than friends and you don't, then you should just not hang out with him at all. Link to comment
a2000 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 Why go out with him to the movies then? Seems you are kinda stringing him along. Maybe knowing he wants you is a rush for you and more important than his feelings? If he wants more than friends and you don't, then you should just not hang out with him at all. After I went out with him the first time I said that we can only be friends because he wasn't right for me and I wasn't looking for a relationship at the moment. He asked me out a few weeks later and I said I was busy. He asked me out a month later and I said I can't go out with him because I am shy and he said 'well that didn't stop you coming out with me before?' I didn't reply. He asked me out a week later and I said 'I can't go out with you I think we are total opposites and it would never work out' and he said 'I know but we are only friends, we worked that out before?' So I said 'yeah thats what I thought..' Now he has asked me out again so I have said yes. I don't mind going out with him, I know what you mean it does seem like I am stringing him along but if I have made it clear to him so many times maybe he really does just want to be friends? It's not a rush for me knowing that he likes me because if he keeps saying 'we are only friends' maybe he doesn't like me that way anymore? I don't know to be honest. I just have no experience with this sort of thing. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 If you have no interest in him, and he obviously does, then don't hang out with him at all unless you want to hurt him because you will by stringing him along. Link to comment
a2000 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 If you have no interest in him, and he obviously does, then don't hang out with him at all unless you want to hurt him because you will by stringing him along.Ok i'll keep that in mind.. but are you saying that we can't be friends? He was once interested in me, I rejected him but he still wants to be friends so I just think why not? I have interested in him as a friend but nothing more and he knows that. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Ok i'll keep that in mind.. but are you saying that we can't be friends? He was once interested in me, I rejected him but he still wants to be friends so I just think why not? I have interested in him as a friend but nothing more and he knows that. No. Because his interest didn't just fade away. He is HOPING for more. If you hang out with him, you will be deciding that you want to string him along. Link to comment
close2you Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 Love often starts with friendship.We will love the person who is our friend.Coz after being his/her friend,we come to know abt their nature.And we start loving that someone.We cant go around and propose a stranger.To love a someone who loves you is life. Link to comment
a2000 Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 Update: If anyone has read this thread.. We are friends but tonight he text me saying "Have you got a boyfriend?" I've told him 2 times straight out 'i just want to be friends' and he always says "We are only friends" Why would you ask your friend if they have a boyfriend? I must be stupid thinking that we could just be friends Link to comment
TiredMan Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I think you like the attention. Because it is clear as day what he wants and you know this. I even told you many times, yet you always seem "surprised." You like his attention. I am sure of it. Link to comment
a2000 Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 ok but its not like I encourage it! The only thing I have done wrong is go out with him (3 times) and that was only after him saying we are only friends. Anyway, I need to get out of this situation. I can't ignore him or have 'no contact' because I see him on most days in university. I have told him we can only be friends enough times, what more can I do? Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Tell him you can't see each other anymore. And call it a day. Link to comment
a2000 Posted March 15, 2006 Author Share Posted March 15, 2006 Tell him you can't see each other anymore. And call it a day.Easier said then done. He will want to know why. It's not like he has done anything wrong. Maybe I am just confused. Link to comment
NJRon Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 No, it is quite easy. Done it and had it done to me before. "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way about you as you do for me and I can't be friends with you." Link to comment
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