Porn addiction is ruining our sex life... Men & Women plz Help.

[jsx730]

In my opinion, there is onyl a problem when:

 

1.) The porn itself is illegal (ie: underage, beastiality, etc etc)

2.) Porn/Masturbation is replacing sex, ie: One partner prefers masturbation to sex with the other.

 

#2 doesn't necessarily point to a porn addiction either. It simply means that for some reason, porn is a better means to the end then having sex. This could be due to:

 

Relationship Conflicts: One is not comfortable with their partner.

Monotony: Sex has became boring and routine.

Insecurities: Either partner not being comfortable with themselves.

 

I'm sure theres other reasons too. Just don't focus in on the porn and think that it is the ONLY problem present.

[whenamansloveisreal]

many women talk about how hubby has lost his spark with his chubby and so on but how many women will admit to this - when u first start dating, gals dress it up, romp with u at any time any where, make u feel like a god. then when the dating turns into a live-in relationship, and hairy legs and toothpaste spit become involved, sex becomes less and ends up something u do before bed after a long day. now how does that look from a male view point? also, if your male lover puts you first, treats u like an orgasms goddess, how many women do the same? when was the last time you said to hubby, 'just u stay like that - and let me ravage u?' think about that. i was talking with a recently divorced friend about these things and he told me a story of how one night, after he had gone downtown, his wife sighed and whispered 'omg, that was the best oral i have ever had!'. and he said 'too bad i couldn't say the same thing'. so before couples start pointing at porn, or drooping willies, take a look in yer own backyard and see if you've trimmed the lawn recently - wink.

[Shadows Light]

I really do get what your saying here. In my situation... I looked at "ME" first. Yeah.... you get burned out on work, kids, home, and more work. It seems that after a while you just get complacent and too damn tired. Wasn't it Shakespeare who said... "Familiarity breeds contempt"....

 

In my case I worked on me. I blamed myself for the lack of a sex life. Having given birth to children, going through post-partum and then the stress of work.... I may have dropped the ball. Or so I thought. "OUR" issues started way before children. And... I did think that children would change it. It didnt'. Children make a good marrriage better and a bad marriage worse.

 

I made changes... I took my butt to the gym and got back into shape. I dressed better. I took pains to make sure I wasn't a sweat-pants and sweat-shirt mama. I pulled out all the stops with the sexy lingerie and clothing. And yeah... I did it on a consistant basis till it became habit again. AND NOTHING.

 

Phil McGraw said in Relationship Rescue book... "The only difference between a friendship and a relationship is the level of intimacy." IF...we don't have intimacy in our relationship... then what are we??? heck.. .we weren't even friends anymore since we couldn't "communicate" and talk about the problems we were having.

 

MY "X"... LIED to me about the PORN. My "X" would use porn before he came to me to be intimate.. and he didn't hit me up for sex for long long periods of time. And yes.. I DID try to seduce him... he was unseducable.

 

Did he have a "porn addiction"????? I don't know. I'm not a doctor to diagnose... but I do know that PORN was getting between us. I'm not a PRUDE... porn doesn't bother me. Its when he prefers it over me.. that I have a problem with it. I seriously seriously thought it was "ME" .. that I had lost it. That I was not beautiful or attractive anymore. And that is simply not the case at all.

 

One thing I have learned about relationsihps is... "If one person in the relationship has a problem... YOU both have a problem.. and you both need to sit down and problem solve together. Relationships take two... its not a solo act"

[kat224]

I have a question. I've been dating a man for a couple of months. Last week he started asking me questions like, "How do you feel about porn movies in the bedroom, and vibrators, masturbating... I was shocked. I was in a marriage for 20 years and my late husband and I had a great sexual relationship without the need for anything this man was asking me about. It really scared me and I put the brakes on the relationship. I'm worried he's into pornography. He also did not become aroused when we were engaged in some pretty "heavy kissing." I found this to be odd. Does anyone have any advice for me? Am I thinking on the right track here?

[TiredMan]

I have a question. I've been dating a man for a couple of months. Last week he started asking me questions like, "How do you feel about porn movies in the bedroom, and vibrators, masturbating... I was shocked. I was in a marriage for 20 years and my late husband and I had a great sexual relationship without the need for anything this man was asking me about. It really scared me and I put the brakes on the relationship. I'm worried he's into pornography. He also did not become aroused when we were engaged in some pretty "heavy kissing." I found this to be odd. Does anyone have any advice for me? Am I thinking on the right track here?

 

He is not your ex-husband. thereforeeee he may have different interests. I do find it disturbing that you say you put the "brakes on the relationship" when he actually shared this liking of his WITH you.

[Shadows Light]

He is not your ex-husband. thereforeeee he may have different interests. I do find it disturbing that you say you put the "brakes on the relationship" when he actually shared this liking of his WITH you.

 

I have to agree with TiredMan. You can't judge one mans sexual proclivities next to anothers.

 

This New man was opening up to you to actually put it on the table and talk about it. Thats great... don't shoot him down before he gets out of the starting gate. He was trying to communicate.

 

It may be that you are not open to or used to this avenue of sexuality.

I don't think there's anything wrong with pornography per se. However its like anything else... taken in moderation and within boundaries its ok.

 

For instance.... you wouldn't assume this man was an alcholic if he tipped one too many glasses of wine "One" night. Right?

 

As with anything I think education is key. You might try going to your local book store and picking up a book or two on human sexuality. And educate yourself on the various ways that humans express themselves sexually. Kinsey did a study in the late 50's that showed that both men and women viewed pornography and it really did then fall into the median of society... or "NORM"... but taken in proportion. There are those who use these devises in excess.

 

So poster don't knock it till you try it. Be open and experiment and when you've pushed your boundaries to where you feel "creepy" and not good about it... thats when its NOT for you or not a good thing.

 

Give your New guy a chance and do something wonderful.... you've got the chance to be open and honest with him. Communicate. Ask the pertinent questions now up front. But don't compare him to your previous husband.

[TiredMan]

I am proud of this guy that he felt comfortable enough and close enough with her to share that he enjoys this with her in detail. And for his trouble, I feel he got burned. Shame!

[Shadows Light]

KAT224....

 

Welcome to Enotalone. I see that it was your first post here.

 

Its a great place to find answers for whats bugging you... or to learn and expand your horizons.

 

I can understand when your new guy opened up to you how shocked you may have been. You'd been with the same partner for 20 years and mayhap NOT been exposed to the many variety's of ways people express themselves sexually.

 

There is a whole spectrum of expressions of sexuality out there. Not any one of them are entirely right... or wrong.

 

My mother coming from a more conservative very sheltered Eastern Eurpean environment has/had not been exposed to much. The first time she saw a porn flick and the acts there in... went against the grain of everything she knew and was taught. You'd have thought she'd discovered the culperate to all the crime and violence in the world upon viewing a skin flick. Its just.... the way she was wired. No big deal.

 

I'm very open. Was raised here in the states... and am a big proponent of education. I'm a believer that if you've thought about it... someone somewhere has written a book on it. lol. And as I've grown into my own skin... I've been able to pass along some of this knowledge to her. NOT that she'd ever use it... ohhhh no... but she's less... shocked. lol.

 

If you can.... Give your New Guy a break and cut him some slack. He's gotta earn some points trying to be open and communicate. Doesn't necessarily mean he's a degenerate... far from it. He's just more worldly.

 

Keep coming back.. keep reading... keep learning.. and keep expanding your horizons. Remember knowledge is power.

[ddchen]

I think you should help him to quit porn addiction, porn addiction is very bad to health, dangerous in family life. And now the internet is for porn, everyone can get porn from internet easily, you can install a porn filter program like "NetDog Porn Filter" on the computer, it will work quitely when your man was on the internet, and it will block those porn websites.you can get "NetDog Porn Filter" from : netdogsoft . com

[ZeldaPrinces]

That's so awful. Personally, I find it disgusting that a man or women could masturbate or look at porn in a relationship. Its like the partner isn't enough for their wishes.

I reckon looking at porn is mentally cheating on your wife. You are looking at other women naked. I'm sure you wouldn't allow it if it was a women in reality standing naked in front of him and him masturbating over it.

And why would he masturbate? Why aren't you good enough for him?

Break up with him. He's an ass.

[gilfer]

Porn is really bringing down our society...sad to say...it's a real shame...

 

porn is not to blame in this case or any case, its the way the person uses porn, its like a gun, a gun never hurts/kills anyone, its the person who pulls the trigger that hurts/kills people.