How to stop dating somone who likes me

[ocrob]

I got myself into a bad situation. I don't want to be one of those jerk guys, but I am in that situation. I am not a player at all, but somehow I got into this mess. I sitting at the bar of a restaurant having lunch and a woman started talking to me. We exchanged numbers and then about an hour after talking she asked me to go with her to this other restaurant. We ended up drinking all day and had sex. The next day she called and asked to see me and we had sex. I can't remember when we had the talk, but I said I was not looking for a relationship and just to have fun. The next day she called five times and left voicemails. I called her back and made it clear I was not interested in pursuing any time of relationship. She asked to see me and she came over. We talked in person and I again said I just wanted to have fun and not be with anyone. Well, she calls me everyday and wants to see me everyday. She is so overbearing and I have also realized that she has a mouth like a sailor and I just don't like her. We have had sex about five times in a short period of time. I have been extremely honest with her, but it seems she is determined for me to go out with her. She is already trying to change me and I am just so turned off by her etiquette. I don't want to have sex with her anymore and really don't want her in my life. What is the most tactful way to do this? I am all about honesty, but this woman seems to be close to the stalker stage. I want to be nice and not make her feel used or bad, but I just how no romantic feelings for her at all. Any suggestions?

[Darketernal]

Well it doesn't take a scientist to understand that this girl it 'totally' in love with you, and breaking up with her would litterary rip her heart open, so a 'gentle' approuch is adviced to say the least. Its a beginners advice actually 'don't step into a relationship that you don't want to be in the first place' , a girl always has 'marriage' in her head, a guy

 

always has 'sex' in his head, although it was short fun for you she wants something with you on the long run. First thing what i want to ask is , are you absolutely sure you don't want her in your life? She cares for you to bits, and she might be acting/talking a bit funny because she is in love with you. I feel

 

so sad for her that she can't be with the person that she wants to be, after all she made an effort into coming to you, and i personally think you shouldn't have engaged into having sex with her if you disliked her. I personally wish you would stick with her. If your going to break her heart do it in a subtle 'least possible hurtfull way that you can

 

think off' and let it be a lesson for the future that you don't engage into woman that you want to have nothing to do with on long term. Think less selfish. Always imagine yourself what its like to be in someone elses shoes. If you ever had a broken heart then you know its going forward and backward thru hell, and that is what is awaiting her if you ditch her. =(

[CarnelianButterfly]

Well, sorry to say, but you did use her and she used you, too. Granted you've made it clear that you don't want to see, but now you need to just stop responding. Don't see her, don't answer her calls, and DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN! If she continues to harass you, call the police, some states have weird stalker laws so restraining orders and what not aren't easy to get, but sometimes the police will just call her up and make it clear a third party is now involved.

[DN]

Tell her that, although she is attractive, there isn't the spark there that you need in a relationship. Thank her for showing an interest in you and say that you are very flattered. Apologise if she feels misled but you don't want to take the relationship any further. Don't make the mistake of agreeing to hang out 'just as friends'.

[ocrob]

Thanks for the advice so far. I am learning that we all have to take responsibility for our actions. The best thing you can do is be honest. Darketernal, I was honest with her from the beginning. I have known this woman for about 3 weeks at the most. We did not even know each other when we had sex. I chose to have sex because it felt good and she could have chosen not to have sex or only had sex, if I was interested. After telling her my feelings and intentions, she continued to want to see me and have sex. At first, I was not ready for a relationship, but open to getting to know her. Now I know her and really don't like her. I have heard her say the "N" word, which I commented on and she left me a long message saying she was not racist and just joking. She says the "C" word referring to women's lower half. She is just not the type of person I want to go out with. I realize that having sex with someone before you know them may be wrong, but if you set the guidelines at the beginning, then you are still being an honest person. This woman has taught me about everything I did wrong in the past to scare a woman away. When you call someone five times in one day it is not a good thing. When you call every single day and ask to see someone it is not good either. I have dated one woman now for two months and have only seen her three times. I ask a lot and she will rarely see me. We have become great friends, I respect her so much and we have not had sex. She is in the same situation as me and just wants to date and not get serious. She and I had an amazing date last night and I respect her so much and if she just wants to be friends, then I am fine with that. I truly like her as a person and enjoy her company. I made the wrong decision sleeping with this other woman only because I did not know she was not looking for what I was looking for. But, if you are a woman, then if you are going to sleep with a guy you met three hours ealier, then either ask the right questions or do it for enjoyment. Trust me, now that it has happened, I do not feel good about it, but at the time it felt wonderful. Sex is great, but making love to someone that you love is so much better. I am definitely on the other side of the fence than I am used to, but at least I have been 100% honest. DN, thank you for the advice. I also thank you for the don't hang out " just as friends" because that is something I would do. I would love more advice and opinions and if I sound like a player or jerk, then I guess I could be in this situation. I may be dillisional, but I don't think there is anything wrong with having fun with a partner, if everything is on the table. It had been a long time and I have needs. lol

[Tigris]

I agree with DN's advice.

 

Good luck

[annie24]

I agree with DN. Be firm but gentle. If I remember correctly, you have recently had a pretty bad breakup, so you could tell her also that as a result, you don't want anything serious with ANYONE. Be firm. Tell her that you don't feel a romantic connection towards her.

 

It's going to difficult for her, no matter what you say, but just be firm, and from that point on, avoid contact!!!!!

 

I don't think you're a jerk Stuff just happens sometimes.....

[ocrob]

Thanks Annie. I actually did tell her about my break up and told her I was not emotionally available. She responded by saying I just needed to open my heart and trust her. I will definitely follow your advice and I hope she does not go stalker on me.

[annie24]

I've often heard it takes half the time that you were together to get over someone. I don't know if that's true or not, but you did have a breakup pretty recently, so no... "opening your heart" to someone new while you are still nursing your wounds and lugging baggage around isn't the best thing. (And you can tell her that!)

 

Hopefully she won't go stalker on you. That's why caller ID was invented

[friscodj]

Well it doesn't take a scientist to understand that this girl it 'totally' in love with you, and breaking up with her would litterary rip her heart open, so a 'gentle' approuch is adviced to say the least.(

 

This girl is definitely not in love with you. This is not love. This is just sex and infatuation...big difference...

 

You've got to be amicable and make a clean break, definitely no "just friends" situation, as was stated before. You've basically hit the afterburner with this chick and gone for it all really quickly. It's been my experience once that happens, there's no going back...

 

Use your best judgment, be nice, be honest, thoughtful of her feelings, and cut it clean...

 

P.S. There are a lot of people on this site that would probably love to have this problem...

[AwdreeHpburn]

I totally disagree with almost all.

 

I think a lot of single people date, get involved, have casual sex and then realize its not what they want. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. (In MY opinion.)

 

You've been clear and honest from the get go. If she hasn't respected your position by now, its time to discontinue all contact.

 

She sounds clingy and to be honest, a bit scary. I think you should cut her off completely. No more contact.

 

I know it sounds cold and you'll feel bad. You sound like a nice guy. Having sex with someone you've dated/are dating is normal win our society whether people agree with it or not. People do it all the time.

 

You're not obligated to marry this person or have a long-term relationship because you had sex with her.

 

Tell her you're done. Say you're sorry if you have to but you are not contractually bound to this woman you don't like. I suggest you be very careful though. In case she is a stalker. Don't say anything hurtful but don't be overly friendly either. She WILL misread that. Good luck dude.

[ocrob]

Friscodj, if this was just sex and infatuation then I would be fine with it. I don't believe that this woman is in love with me, but she definitely wants more than I do. Sometimes I wonder if people read posts before they make comments.