Comments or advice please

[lonely days]

I am not sure where to be posting this but here goes

 

i was in a 5 year live in relationship and my ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. it's one of these situations where there was no spark anymore which i mainly contribute to the fact that i was a major pothead and lost my zest for life.

 

We owned a home on the east coast of canada and when we broke up I left to move back to my home town in the middle of Canada. While on the east coast i was halfway through completeing an Electrical apprenticeship. Due to provincial regulations the hours and schooling I've completed thus far do not count where i am currently living and i have been unable to find employment in my field. i spoke with my employer on the east coast today and he said he will hire me back whenever i want because he likes my work and work ethics.

 

If i go back i have no other choice but to stay with my ex in our house for a week or two until i get my feet on the ground. I told her to stay with her parents for that time if she did not want to see me and she said that's not necessary. My career is the only thing I have going for me at this point and i do not want to start from scratch and give up what i've worked so hard for. She seems to think that i am only going back there to try and get back with her, which i would like nothing more but my career is important to me aswell and the possibility of having to see her around with some other schmuck just makes me sick.

 

I believe the idea of us getting back together is not totally out of the question because she is a very straight talker and would have no problem saying there is no chance and all i get from her is I need more time, i'm not ready or not right now but don't wait for me, which i guess is pretty considerate.

 

if i stay with her should i try to get her back or should i just not bring up the past relationship whatsoever. I know everybody says they've changed but i really have in the sense that i do not do drugs anymore and have no desire to again. I'm alot more positive about things and believe that the issues that caused the demise of our relationship stemmed from my drug use ( it made me tired, irratible and lazy ) She had 3 months to see what else is out there and when i spoke with her last she said everyone she meets are hicks, and losers. I think she is starting to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side and she had a pretty damn good guy already in me ( even with the weed).

 

I asked her why she did not want to try again, and she says if i move back in with her permanently to try and work things out she doesn't want to get mad at me. I don't understand what the heck that means. We had not spoken for almost 3 weeks when i last contacted her and she sounded really excited to hear from me and was worried that i had found someone else and that's why i hadn't been calling.

 

I am worried that if I go back there she will only think that i did it to be close to her and if i stay with her it would ruin all chances of us getting back together. I know if i do go back i have to get a place as quick as possible and then not contact her for about a month and try to start over with dating and everything because telling how i've changed is alot different then being able to show her.

 

If you made it this far i would really appreciate any comments or advice, this is a big decision for me and I should have never left where we were living but the breakup came out of the blue and I just had to get out of there.

[DN]

If you return their to live and want her back it is a risk - she may have moved on. But if you decide to take the risk show her by your actions that you have changed for the better and don't mention the relationship. Actions speak louder than words, especially in this case.

[lonely days]

I know she has not moved on with anybody else and from what one of her friends told me she really hasn't moved on in her head yet. She is not dating because she is still trying to fgure out what is going on between us.

 

I think you right I need to be given the chance to show the improvements that i've made. i've come along way in the past 3 months especially when it comes to my outlook on life. This breakup in a sense is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. I got off the drugs but I lost the one I love.

[NR498E]

I think you should go back.If your career is the only thing you have than stay with it.If I were you I'd go back and I'd try and steer clear of her for like a month like you said.That way when you are ready to contact her you will be settled and moving in a positive direction without her.Once she see's that you are doing everything you said you were going to do that will then prove to her that your all the man she ever thought you were.That's what I would do.

 

Damn that sweet, sweet ganja, damn it to hell.

[lonely days]

Yes andy I love that sweet, sweet ganja but as good as it is anything in excess will only cause problems including drinking to much water.

 

I will have to stay with her for a week or so until I can get a place to live and get another vehicle on the road. But I will not bring up any relationship talk when I am there.

[NR498E]

Well goodluck with everything.Let us know what happens.

[newts]

I totally agree with DN, go back to the house and show her how much you have changed. Let her bring up the relationship issues.

 

Just show her what a wonderful man you really are.

[lonely days]

newts you seem very perceptive, your right i am a great guy lol !

 

I just got caught up in the weed for over 10 years and i did not know how to stop it. When she broke up with me I quit right then and there because i realized how big a toll it was taking on me in certain aspects of my life. i managed to get a 95% average in college but i could not keep a relationship together.

[Dako]

I think you should go back there to work, and deal with her separately. She might just like the new you.

Don't hook up with your old pothead friends and keep your wits about you.

 

I know how drugs can worm their way into your life, but it's boring after a while. There's too much else that's more valuable, like your life.

[lonely days]

Dako, the weed is a very hard thing to avoid up here in canada it is everywhere you go, teenagers to grandparents smoke up here. i've been able to avoid temptation thus far and hopefully i can continue. i am trying to take things day by day. You are right that it is fun for awhile but gets very boring and routine after awhile.

[curlygirl47]

I'm kind of interested in this whole conversation because my ex used marijuana and occasionally cocaine (apparently he has been doing this for a while, though I never asked how long). I do know that his ex-wife has called him a pothead, cokehead, and that kind of stuff --- to which he responds by referring to her regular use of pain pills. Anyway, most of my life I've been drug-free, but I've smoked pot with a few of the guys I've dated because they were into it. I did that with this guy, too. But I'm absolutely afraid of cocaine. I can't even believe that one time I did let him put a tiny bit on my tongue when we were having sex. I didn't really notice that it had much of an effect, and don't laugh because I don't know how much it takes to get an effect. Anyway, my point is that the ex decided to quit all drugs around the same time we broke up. I imagine it's hard (duh), but do you think it could screw up his emotions, change his thinking, etc? He was so tender to me before this break-up, and now he's so distant. If you've noticed my earlier threads, you'll see that he last called me at 2:56 in the morning last Monday (9 days ago), drunk and wanting to come over. We both drink, by the way, and that hasn't changed, but we're not like alcoholics or anything. I wasn't home when he called, and by the time I got the message I figured he was sleeping -- he had gone to his mom's since he couldn't get me, so I just left a note on his truck and told him to come and see me again if he wanted, but I didn't call. Okay I am totally rambling. I was just interested in the whole drug/relationship effect. And I tell you this, too --- if I could get my hands on some pot right now, you'd better believe I'd be sucking it in just to make myself feel better, cause I am pretty damn miserable.

[Dako]

The main reason I gave it up was boredom with it, and it was time to grow up. As lame as it sounds, being straight was a high compared to being befuddled and stoopid.

 

Believe me, here near the Mexican border weed isn't in short supply, and sinsemilla in the bathtub with growlights is common. Recently when I was in a bad way over my divorce I took a few hits and it made me lazy and confused. I'm that way anyway because of my breakup!

Never again!

[curlygirl47]

Well, my fellow quit because of his son (who is 12 and has already tried pot) and because he knows it probably contributes to his sexual problems --- well, the pot does. The coke has the opposite effect, apparently, but there are even bigger risks legally with the coke, and he has already had to fight a reputation in this town for dealing, which he doesn't do. You know, the more I write about this fellow, the more I realize how many problems he's got, and they have little to do with me. I was the one really good thing in his life for the past four months (I wasn't perfect, but I was really good to him), and now he's dumped me for the fast life. He wanted to have sex with his old girl "friends," basically, though he didn't put it that way, I know that's it. He isn't ready to be faithful and is afraid he can't be. And that's what I don't get. How a guy with the kind of sexual problems he has doesn't want to commit to one woman who is crazy about him despite those problems and who will be faithful to him. Agghhh. I need a drug dealer.

[Dako]

Or something real.

[lonely days]

Well my ex called me today to see when i would be coming back. i told her that it would be in a week or two. She told me she has no problem with me staying at our house but she does not want to be in a relationship right now ( she brought it up ). I told her that is fine but I am coming back for me and my career. i told her that i understand that it might be too hard to just get back into a relationship and living together but i would like to spend some time with her once i get settled and find my own place and she agreed. So there is a possible reconcilliation in the works. She told me she thinks she got scared because we had been living together for 5 years and was not sure what she wanted anymore. So i will be patient and hopefully she will give me a chance to SHOW her how i've changed..

[lonely days]

can you get the sparks back with your ex?