Double J Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I've been with my g/f for over several months now and we have a wonderful relationship. We each love each other very much and have a vibrant sex life. But the problem is that I haven't been able to shake off my sporadic urge to see porn. When I haven't seen her for a few days, I just get tempted - and sometimes it's hard not to give in. This, of course, does not intrude on our relationship in any way. I just do it sometimes when she's not around. I've probed into this and I think I know why us guys look at porn. We do it because it's in our biological nature to want to mate with several partners. We're like the animals of the animal kingdom. But if we're already in a relationship and truly care about someone, we're obviously not going to cheat. So we resort to the most socially acceptable alternative that doesn't really cross any boundaries - and that is to view porn. I've seen the endless threads on this forum that focus on pro-porn vs anti-porn debates, so that's not what the purpose of this post is for. How do you conquer the urge to want to download those pictures or videos? What are some of your methods/suggestions based on your experiences? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Jax Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Well porn isn't a bad thing exactly.. But if you want porn and wanna kill the other woman part of it, try having ur gf pose for some sexy pics for you or make your own.. My bf was a porn FREAK and he was actually the one that wanted to stop, because he felt looking at other women was wrong, so when we can't be together.. he has a buncha pics and stuff of me.. Only thing to be carefull of is in the event of a break up whats gonna happen with those pics lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I think I know why men look at porn, but how do you shake it off? You answered your own question: just shake it off. Keep shaking it until you can't shake it no more. Seriously, I am not in your boat when it comes to multiple partners, at least not now. I say, as long as you are faithful to her and you have the urge, what's the harm. I know a lot of women will disagree with me, and honestly if it bothered my girlfriend/wife I would put my porn to pasture, but no harm-no foul. It depends on the individual. About ten years ago, around you age actually, I watched porn just to see raw sex, and I wondered what it felt like. I grew out of that stage since it doesn't replace my wanting of a partner. I mean wanting as in physically and emotionally. Plus the acting is so horrible. Come on, how many pool boys from South America and amazingly hunky pizza delivery boys are gonna get laid? Sheesh! I've seen the endless threads on this forum that focus on pro-porn vs anti-porn debates, so that's not what the purpose of this post is for. How do you conquer the urge to want to download those pictures or videos? What are some of your methods/suggestions based on your experiences? Don't look. The more you look, the more you want. Find a hobby to take your mind off those urges if it bothers you or your girlfriend to watch it. If you're on a diet, do you drive to an All You Can Eat Buffet? No, because it's torture. Same with internet porn. If you want to stop the urge, don't visit the sites, plain and simple. You may outgrow the urge once you become closer to your girlfriend. You may not need anything else, or maybe you'll mature past the porn stage. Or maybe not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Maybe you shouldn't stop the porn habit at all, and shouldn't be in a committed relationship so you're free to service all those wild women in the jungle. Seriously, It's really unfair to let a woman become attached to you if you feel trapped already. Sounds like you want two things that don't mix. A relationship and dreams of conquest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double J Posted January 24, 2006 Author Share Posted January 24, 2006 Seriously, It's really unfair to let a woman become attached to you if you feel trapped already. I never said anything about feeling trapped. I love her and she loves me as well. I'm sure there are several guys on this site that have girlfriends/wives they love, but force of habit keeps them looking at porn (not all but some). My g/f understands, but like most girlfriends, she'd prefer that I don't look at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
novaseeker Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 It's like anything else ... just be aware of what your "triggers" are (ie, pay attention to what kinds of things you are doing and/or thinking before you get the urge to view porn) and next time you notice a trigger coming, take control of the situation and get yourself involved in something else away from the computer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 DoubleJ You're right, sorry I put words in your mouth. Your line, "We do it because it's in our biological nature to want to mate with several partners" stuck in my mind. I did jump to a conclusion. I guess I'm fortunate to have never gotten into porn. I really don't get jazzed by it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 If she is understands you look at it and it not too bothered, I would just focus on limiting it...if you have not seen each other for a while I can see why you would have the urge! Or, perhaps it would be better to take some pictures of her, most guys I know prefer to look at something real, and their partner anyway, however there are also some big issues with pictures in a relationship that is not yet committed (or even is). Perhaps writing one another sexy erotic stories or emails during those lapses may be a good idea instead. Or, see if she is willing to look at it together. Porn can be part of a healthy, fun relationship if both are open to it. It may remove some of the guilt of looking at times if you know she is okay with it. As long as it is not interfering with your sex life with HER, take some pressure of yourself in looking now and then. If you really want to stop though, it's like breaking any other habit and finding ways to distract you in those times you are more likely to partake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daredevil Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 The way I came around this matter was that before I had a gf I didn't see it as a problem wathching it, but as we begun to get close and the relationship involved and we had great sex and showered together etc, then the urge to watch porn disappeared a lot. But a way to come around is that when I get the urge to watch porn, then I start thinking of the times me and her were close... on the things she makes me feel, our sex, her body, things which would be nice with her etc.... These things ignites a feeling inside u as porn does.. .and if you don't see this as a good enough trick then try this trick with her... I started sending her some sms messages telling her "*Kisses you and gently cuddles you a little, while looking into your eyes*",, I started to flirt with acts i've done or would like to do with her.. then it develops out and she liked it a lot, she told it turned her on.. we keep the sms not as cyber sex but on a decent level with a lot of flirts and things we tell each other to keep the spark when we aren't seeing each other.. it does a great wok for me to receive a message from her telling, what she would like to with me and where she would like to kiss me etc... it worked for me, but perhaps i'm just weird Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate111 Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 My boyfriend loves porn. He masturbates on his days off. Do I care? No. He gives me the love and attention I need so I don't care. I might care more if he was putting more energy into the porn than me. Masturbating is a private pleasure. It isn't bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 My good friend's husband had a serious porn addiction. He had mags, vids, and half a hard drive full of everything from just naughty to out right nasty. For her it was really difficult to accept the shear volume of the porn he had. A few items wouldn't have bothered her, but he spent a lot of time and money on all that stuff. He's not as obsessed now, but only after they had several long discussions (with minimal sceaming). Some women don't really mind porn and you might actually get your girl to go along with you on pics and vids. Try sitting down with her and talking about it. Invite her to watch a fav vid with you. I know I find some to actually be entertaining and alluring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spunkykatt Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Ok I know what you are saying when you talk about men being predisposed for multiple sex partners and that monogomy is not theorically what men where created for. I have read about human sexualitiy and I know what it says, men want as many partners as they can have so they can spread their DNA and insure survial of their bloodline, and not to mention survial of the fittest. Now that aside, men shouldnt use this as a copout for porn. I know that looking at porn isnt cheating, but when you choose to be in a committed relationship then you also have to choose to put that desire to breed with muliple partners aside too, and that is porn. No matter how you try and justify watching porn, the simple truth is that when you watch it your only feeding that desire to be with more than one woman. I mean its like giving a drug addict just a little taste and then saying you cant have anymore...if you keep watching porn then your not really sure of your committment...are you?? Think about it, if you need more than one woman to look at then you need to go and find more than one woman and accept that your not ready to be in a committed relationship. Thats my thoughts on it anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate111 Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 I don't agree Spunkykatt. My boyfriend loves porn and he is the most faithful and loyal boyfriend I have ever had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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