Trisomy21 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I was cleaning out all the crap off my computer and ended up in the My Received Files folder, and saw my girlfriends message history for MSN... I believe there shouldn't be any confusion or fear in love. This just puts me back and well, I don't know what to do...Take a pre-emptive strike to save my own * * *? Or do women typically look at other men and want them? Or doubt their feelings? Her: I'm confused. Her: I dont think i love my boyfriend Firend: Oh.....why do you think that? Her: sorry to bail that * * * * on you but i trust your opinion.. Her: i think hes good for me right now.. Her: but i dont expect to stay with him forever Friend: you got lots of time right Her: is that bad? Her: is that normal? Friend: totally Normal Her: k Her: its just that i dont know. Her: i wasnt exactly raised right.. Friend: I think that if you're happy now just wait until you feel it's time to move on.... maybe you're going to meet someone that makes you want to leave your b/f or maybe along the way you'll realize you want to stay with him Her: i dont wanna feel trapped though.. and the more i become attached... Her: like, i still look at other men Her: and want them.. Friend: Well then ya it's time to move on Her: i dont want to.. Her: but i dont want to crush him Her: i do love him Her: im just not in love with him Friend: so he's like a really good friend? Her: an awesome best friend...that i sorta live with Her: and sleep with Her: but the sex is awesome Her: but hes also Her: what i prefer intellectually . Friend: so he's got a brain? Friend: its awesome, he has my sense of humour. Her: * * * *. Her: i work six days a week.. Her: i come home, he cooks me dinner and usually gives me an orgasm. Her: it's good. Friend: but.. Her: were planning to move in with eachother.. Her: and i think its a good idea.. Her: but....,.. Friend: it's a very long term thing? Her: no.. Her: but right now, i'm enjoying it.. Friend: well if it's not broken. Her: what? Friend: nevermind. Her: Ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daredevil Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 LOL sounds like my ex ^^ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsbguy32169 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Talk to her about it. I have a thought, but it's always better to talk with that person first. Personally, it seems like she can't tell the difference between what her heart is telling her and what her mind is telling her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OceanEyes Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Take this as her walking paper - this sounds like a girl who would leave you the SECOND she found someone else. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but that's how it is. People don't just talk like this, I can pretty much promise you that your relationship is on its last legs. Either try talking to her about it, or be the one to bail first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daredevil Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Talk to her about it. I have a thought, but it's always better to talk with that person first. Personally, it seems like she can't tell the difference between what her heart is telling her and what her mind is telling her. The funny thing about girls is that they always ask a friend about help and often they try not to be too judging on the bf but oftenly it appears not to be right. A girl with that mind or thoughts is bound not to feel right, and the fact she has such feelings means she isnt 100% into the relationship imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trisomy21 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 "I'm confused"...And I'm not? Typical women, always confused, even though just a week ago she went into a lengthy talk about why and how much she loves me....Ridiculous. So I talk to her, she tells me that she was saying that she didn't, just to get a response out of her friend...Uhhh, why would you want a response to something that was neither true or doesn't matter? Then she feeds me this pathetic excuse "I was really worried yesterday, I thought I was pregnant, so I took a test...It turned out negative. That got me thinking about being tied down, if I got pregnant, my life would be over, blah blah blah".... I don't see how that pretains, or makes you stop loving someone. The pathetic thing is, she'll continue to say "I love you" to me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relationship Coach Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I don't think she is confused at all, she's just using you till she finds what she is looking for. That's like finding out your employer put an ad in the paper for YOUR position. You're doing a good job BUT they want someone else who can do it better, maybe. I would take this as a two week notice and start looking elsewhere. You treat her well and it's just not enough, maybe after you end it with her she will realize what she had and what a real mistake she made. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cecelius Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Anything she says that sounds like she likes you or is interested in keeping this alive is ONLY to keep you around until she decides otherwise. I suggest you bow out now -- stop providing her a roof, meals, etc. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daydreamery Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 My honest opinion: she's not confused, she just doesn't love you I never feel that way when I love someone. Yes there are ups and downs, sometimes little niggles, but ultimately I would believe that I truly and utterly want to be with that person. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratherbesailing Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 How long have you two been going out and how old is she? It sounds more like she's a little freaked out about moving in together and isn't ready for it. She does tell her friend how wonderful you are but maybe she's just afraid to make the big plunge and move in. Who's idea was it? Haven't you ever told another guy that some girl besides your girlfriend looks hot? Do you honestly never have any doubts? Aren't you glad our girlfriends can't read our thoughts! Depending on some of your answers maybe it is just too soon and you guys are too young to be moving in together. If you want to keep her, I'd say tell her you don't want to live together until she's sure how she feels and play a little hard to get. Make her work for it and she may just loose some of her doubts. I think we all have doubts at times and we are lucky that we don't usually have to read about our partner's doubts. Good luck, I wouldn't give up on her unless you want to. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trisomy21 Posted January 20, 2006 Author Share Posted January 20, 2006 We've been going out for 5 months now, seeing eachother for a month before that. She's 21 and I'm 26. The part about "I wasn't exactly raised right" pretains to her childhood, her mother and step father were abusive psychos and she wound up in child care for the better part of her life. So she never really had experienced a normal relationship growing up, this is her first. She hates playing the "victim" card, but she really has had it rough, and I really believe that has a lot to do with her doubts. The moving in together idea was mutual, though she had been hinting at it for a week or so. She says that's what she wants and that I do make her happy....Like others have said, is she questioning whether or not I'm making her happy enough, or if she wants or considers finding someone who could possibly do it better. That is an issue I will further discuss with her tonight when she comes over. Thanks for all the advice everyone, appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Hmm... if I saw that my bf said those things about me, I would leave. Like OceanEyes and RelationshipCoach said, it sounds like she's got one foot out the door. I'm sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toolate Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 I say that she is having a hard time dealing with the hole move in issue and herself as a person. She can't even have a real discussion with her friend and really disclose how she feels about you. I tell you what insted of talking to her change up on her. Tell her that you think it would be best for you guy's to hold off moving together for a little while. When she asked why just say that you are not ready and you don't think that she is either. Time for her to grow up. Becasue a realtionship is not just about sex and cooking, etc. I would like to know how it works out. I wish you all the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Does she really need to be with you though. You obviously have no respect for her privacy if you feel it necessary to read her conversations. Its not only rude, but your question is baseless. Not all women can be generalized to by one snooped on conversation, maybe your insensitivity is why she's not totaly into the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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