troublegal05 Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 hey everyone, this is just a quick poem I thought I'd share...I would appreciate it if anyone could give me some feed back on my poem and maybe add some constructive critisism...Thanx in advance Pardon my cries, I've laid them to die buried with your shot of grins nothing left to hide, come to smoke these lies consumed to heavens size the ego of your crystal eyes to what I have despised No longer a compromise all for me to hope so hard for me to cope To whom I pay the praise to say its just a phase? My head is in a daze I'm walking through this maze I feel you cup my hips as I stare deep down at your lips... Only to bear regrets to sips... Awakened now by my bitter tasting lips... To whom it may concern Too late for me to learn... Life's glass is risky...sitting, sipping the last of my whisky... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven1607307306 Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 Well I think it's pretty good. I'm not sure about that major shift in line 16. It's kind of sudden, but hey everyone has their opinions on what a good poem is. I still think it's great, pretty deep. I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 It's good. Maybe just putting a line in between where you change the rhyme scheme would help the flow by alerting the reader to a new section of the poem. But overall I like it, feelings of longing, being lost and of regret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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