mbc9ie Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I have done my best to help my wife.. she needs help needs to get on anti depressents again..... We have been separated for 3 months... she has been with a guy 3 times.. and he is her friend.. i have met him and he is cool and has promissed me that he is going to only be her friend, becuase he thinks her and i should fix things.. she is tired of every one telling her that she is wrong and what she should do.. she thinks no one listens to her... i feel like i dont matter... she tells me she wants to divorce me... and then when i finally say go ahead... if that what you want.. the next line is.. dont be that way.. i get so confused..... I love her.. but i walked in on him and her in my living room having sex.. we are sepperated.. and i understand what she is going through.. the affair with the friend s all that is making her feel good in her life right now.. she feels dead in side.. her and i slept to gether.. and she felt numb.. i went to kiss her and she cried... I o not know what to do.. her depression issue is clouding her judgement.. the other guy does not want her and she does not want him.. all her friends are pissed cuase they think she is being irrational becuase she is trying to walk out of our marriage.... and they think what she has done with the other guy is wrong.... i am all she has.. and i think thats why she hasnt left me yet.... I dont know.. we have a 14 month old son.... and I am lost... I am getting empty inside...... when do you know when enough is enough.... actions speak louder then words... does the N/C work if you have a child... I think she doesnt know what she is going to lose becuase i really have not left.. we live in the same house still.... it is making it so hard.... Link to comment
Danny H Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 does the N/C work if you have a child... I think she doesnt know what she is going to lose becuase i really have not left.. we live in the same house still.... it is making it so hard.... NC with a kid is very hard, if you move out and try to gain some space, you'll feel guilty if you don't speak to the child, and she can also use them as a tool to guilt up too. People on here suggested to me, that you just keep all talk about your kids, nothing more. That way hopefully she'll miss having somebody to listen to her ups/downs. best Dan Link to comment
mbc9ie Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 thanks man.. its the worst thing.. she wants out but has no where to go.. so she wants me to go...... it is hard... Link to comment
Bethany Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I advise you to encourage her to see a doctor. And I don't know how to say this but come straight out with it but... She says she wants out and I fear she could look for a different kind of way out if she does not seek help..She seems extremely depressed. Also, this other guy is just messing her up even more and I would NOT consider him to be of any help right now, in fact he could be making things worse, and he needs to go. Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 You know what the interesting thing is though? As a kid that went through having his parents divorce, I must say that not once not ONCE did I actually ever hear the things I really needed to hear. My parents never admitted things, they pretended to be perfect and act as if my behaviours and actions were a result of something outside of their divorce when in fact it had everything to do with what I was going through. It's one thing to affect a child's life because you two couldn't work it out, but it's another to blindly let your ego get in the way that you can't even admit anything to your child just to help them with going through it all. Especially when they don't have any choice but to deal with it and wonder why it all happened. Now I'm not a professional, I'm not a woman and I'm especially not this guy's wife, but surely I'm not the only one that can at least read into what is going on here. I can sorta relate as I once went through bouts of depression and irrational behaviour, but there was a lot that contributed to it that meds alone and councelling alone wouldn't fix. My ex had to endure all of it with me and I'm truly sorry she had to go through all of it, but I know now that I wanted to fix things... I just didn't know how to or what to do. This guy friend of hers played into it all and got what he wanted from her. Or maybe there's something else going on between them and simply want you to remain oblivious toit. The brutal end fact though is that you got to really listen to her in this, you have to hear what she is saying and what she is truly wanting. Not what you think you're hearing or what you want to hear, but what she is actually saying. It's very tempting to go for what is familiar and what we know best because it's safe to us, it's predictable and its something we can comfortably handle. Unpredictable, unfamiliar things put us into a state of over-analysing and constant rationalizing so that we can make sense of it all. In your case man the only best advice that one can actually give is in the end to actually listen to her and actually see how she reacts to everything. People aren't always good at asking for help or really knowing what to do because as much as people try to help someone discover something, in the end only that individual can make the leap. That's where one can only help those that want to be helped. Good luck with everything and I hope things work out for the best. Max Link to comment
mbc9ie Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 Tomarrow we start spending time away from each other... we both know that is the only way we can get through this. Us being sepperated and still living in the same house.. its just not leting the anger and underlying issues die. She knows she has problems and that she needs to deal with them. she wants to fix our frien ship and is we can get though that she, says that then we can try to fix our marriage...if we can she wants to stay married.. but we have argued every day for three months. becuase we havnt stoped blaming ech other to a point and just accepted that we both are at fault.. and taht we need to fix this together.... the other man, is just a friend.. they clicked well.. and that since then nothing else has happened.. He wants her to be happy and he wants her to be with me.. and that we need to give us a chance. she has issues that she thinks medicine and counceling will not help. but we are gonna try.... anything it takes... i by trying have still pushed the issues and all that has done is kept her mad... so we are hoping that the space will heal the wounds..... she says that if we can get through this she wants to stay married.. so who knows... i am trying to get her to go to counseling with me... but this is hard.. and i hope it all fgoes well.... Link to comment
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