I'm so confused by my friend. Please give me some advice!

[Daniel05]

I've had a friend in work this last year or so. It started off as a chat and getting to know each other and then after a few months it developed into a closer one. We had a few work nights out and we enjoyed ourselves and had some good times. I'm quite quiet, less so with people I know and get on with whereas my friend has a more laddish side and is more confident with people generally. He likes to put his arm accross your shoulders on nights out and I liked that as I felt he liked me and I've never had a friend who would do things like that - the friends I've had are more reserved. Our friendship developed further through the months - first with playful push and shoves walking down corridors in work then it went to playful punches and this last few months there's quite a lot of calling each other names and tongue in cheek insulting each other. But... at one time the work nights out were great now we're part of a group and he works directly with them and I don't so I know them on a basic level and that's it. They're OK but I'm not too fond of any of them and I can't really see them as being good friends. There's a guy who works with my friend and I can see he likes him and whereas before the guy didn't really used to go on nights out now he is and he is the main man as far as my friend is concerned. He's a lot more outgoing and has funny one liners all the time which my friend loves. Now he's the one who has all the attention on nights out with the arm around him etc and he doesn't say a word to me apart from maybe a pat on the back halfway through the night! It's the same in work too really - we're great when it's the two of us and have some good banter but when we're part of a group he'll immediately go for the loudest most confident bloke there to bounce against if the other guy isn't present. When we're in groups he'll make eye contact with everyone else when he's talking but not me at all unless on the rare occasion no-one is really listening and he'll finish the conversation looking at me not to loose too much dignity. This makes me feel inadequate and I just sink into myself. He'll often say halfway through the night 'Oh you're quiet!' What does he expect?! OK, talk to other people but I just don't why he does this! Please give your advice cos I think about him and the situation every day I get jealous and obsessive about it!

[Mun]

It sounds like you've been replaced as the "flavor of the month" by this other guy... I don't mean this to sound offensive, I don't know how else to describe it, Sorry.

 

You might try withdrawing from the friendship a bit and see if he comes after you. It may or may not work, depending on how deep your friendship is and what it means to him to keep you around. At least you would get some answers. Hopefully...

 

Love

[Alabama]

I suggest confront him about this. If he's now just hanging out with other friends and not you, find out what's wrong. I am sure he still cares for you as a friend, but it sounds like you've been replaced. So, talk to him. Good luck.