want to learn how to hang out with my female friends better

[workaholic]

Hello, I have a problem that I've been grappling with for a long time and I'm glad that its finally come to surface. First..I don't have alot of female friends unlike some of the other guys that I know. They have so many "sisters" who do great things for them. Invite them to parties, buy them items, introduce them to other girls who really really are interested in them (romantically ), and so on.

 

Secondly, I grew up with this false, immature belief that a guy likes to hang out with a female friend just so that he could increase the odds of having sex with her or becoming her boyfriend. So through elementary to highschool, when I saw boys flirting with girls and hanging out with girls I simply thought that they were doing the processes of seduction. This in turn influenced my behaviors as well.

 

Now I've found out (the hard way) that some girls aren't interested in having sex with guys..they just want to be friends with them..and that's final. Which is no problem with me..except that consciously/sub consciously I don't know how to hang out with a girl in a way that has nothing to do with the "I want to have sex with her" state of mind. Some of the guys I know DO NOT have this problem..they treat girls the same way the treat their guy friends, especially girls whom they've known since childhood.

 

I wouldn't have this problem if my childhood was full of experiences learning how to socialize with girls or if I had a lot of sisters in my immediate family.

 

So, I'm looking for some tips on how to hang out with girls in a way that remains platonic. Also on how to improve on my platonic behavior.

 

P.S: I keep hearing from people that it is the girl who chooses who she wants to develop a romantic relationship with. True?

[Alabama]

I had the same problem, but I learned a good way to hang out with a girl, simply for friendship, is simply talk to them as you would with your regular friends, even if they are guys. I honestly believe, besides biologically, that guys and girls aren't that much different than what the media or people say. Just think of anything that interests you and converse with that or any topic that comes to mind. Good luck.

[registered]

You want to have sex with every girl you hang out with?!

Yeah, I know that that isn't the case...and that's my point....surely you don't want to have sex with every woman you know right, and so you aren't going to have the problem of acting to seduce her.

 

And then you just talk about or do anything else...you don't have to think about talking to guy mates, and it's no different for girl mates.

Just do as alabama said.

 

Yep sisters (or cousins or other relatives) are the best way to learn about hanging out with girls in a platonic way.

 

I think you already know how to hang out with girls platonically...you just have to do it.

 

P.S: I keep hearing from people that it is the girl who chooses who she wants to develop a romantic relationship with. True?

Lol, I wouldn't believe it simply because someone else said it... as guys we have the capacity to choose and make decisions too...if a girl chose to develop a relationship I just wouldn't say "ok, I will do whatever you want"....she wouldn't do the same.

Either side can choose, but unless both do at the same time then it is unlikely a romantic relationship is going to develop.

I say false, simply because guys think too!

Guys do tend to act on the signals women give though, this is just natural (probably instinctual).

 

A more important issue is showing that you want a romantic relationship....again either side can do this - what's to stop one side?