Disciple's Advice #1 (LONG but good)

[DiscipleOfChange]

Over the course of my time using this forum, many times I have seen guys post asking about conversational tips or asking how to casaully hang out with girls one-on-one or in small group settings. I'm not going to give you any websites or the like but rather recount something that happened to me last night.

 

A bit of background information first:

 

The girl I hung out with last night is a member of a club I'm in on campus which essentially has no purpose except for peopl to get together and hang out. A social club for anti-social types if you will. Anyways, I had never really talked with her in depth but she had been around at group meetings and the like and a bunch of us often eat lunch or dinner together at the dining hall. Case in point, she was just a person I knew nominally through a club and who lived in my dorm. It should be noted that my motivations were not emotioanl interest here

 

Now the story:

 

So last night, I go to the dining hall with nobody or plans of eating with anyone in particular. When I get my food I notice this girl and ask where she's sitting. She points over to a table and there's just her stuff there. So I go over and sit down. She's was having dessert and I was just starting to eat. We had a pretty pleasant conversation about our interests and the like and there were periods of silence but they were periods of comfortable silence. So anyways, When we're ready to go back to the dorm we make our way back and I ask what time she was leaving for home that night and I wish her a happy holiday break if I didn't see her again and she says she'll be packing up in her room and I could up sometime before she left. I told her I had a group project later that night but would come up in a little bit.

Anyways, I wait about half an hour and then go up and chill with her, basically just sitting around making casual conversation as she's getting her stuff ready. It came time for me to go to work on a project and so I left and wished her a good break again.

When I show up at my group meeting it turns out there isn't anything that needed to be done and so even though I had said goodbye already, I went back up to her room. We talked for another hour and a half and then her mom came and I introduced myself, shook her hand (to which her mom replied "oh, a firm handshake"---as an aside for you guys, a firm handshake is EXTRMELY IMPORTANT. Anyways, I continued helping with getting her stuff together and then helped carry stuff down to the car and wished her happy holidays a final time.

 

 

What's the moral here: Simple really. You don't need to work any charm or go to any charm-school websites. you just have to be a gentleman and a casual guy. If you see a girl you know or would like to know better, go up to her, say hello. DO ask where she's sitting and join her. Go with the flow of things. Silence DOES NOT necessarily have to be a bad thing.

Now nothing happened as a consequence of last night, but now I've spent a decent ammount of one-on-one casual time with her and thus developed a foundation of trust. I know I enjoy hangin out with her at the very least. An important thing to keep in mind is that spending casual time with a girl should not be about developing a relationship with her. It should be about simply getting to know her better and developing a sense of comfortableness with each other's prescence.

 

ADDITIONALLY, Chivalry is not dead gentlemen. On that note, chivalry isn't about showing a certain girl special attention or holding the door just for someone your interested in. Chivalry should be extended towards every lady. Helping carry things, holding doors, these are all things which you should practice regularly.

 

 

Feel free to Reply, PM or IM me.

 

 

~Mark

[ShySoul]

Mark,

 

Thank you. You always say what I try to get accross to people and in a very clear manner. You are right on in all your points.

 

Be polite and a gentleman. Be nice and respectful. No charm or special techniques needed. You already have the skills within you. Develop that foundation of trust first - as I say becoming friends with her. Do not focus on getting the relationship, focus on getting to know her and being comfortable with each other. And most importantly, always be a gentleman. Don't just do it to impress someone, then your motivation is wrong and its not going to help you out in the long run. But make it a part of your natural routine. It's the right thing to do.

 

Mark, I can tell you are a great guy. Please, don't change and keep posting these tips. You are going to end up with a great relationship before you know it. Just hope you don't mind me pointing to you and saying, "see, there is what I have been saying all along."