Worried that this is it

[Zan]

Hi all,

 

I am generally a happy person. I started a good personal journey in 2003, I ended a good deal of all of the toxic friendships that I had, and after a few mishaps towards the end of the year; I managed to find a great new job, and new friends...

 

The problem is that being in a relationship has been a challenge for me, I had a very difficult childhood and due to both my shyness and my parents decision that I was not allowed to socialise with others. I have few childhood friends and after some experiences with bullying in high school I chose to cut myself off from the people who I went to high school with completely.

 

Then before I started to make positive changes in my life, I worked an incredibly anti social job; in which I worked late each evening and weekends. So although I had a small crop of friends I was not getting the chance to go anywhere new or meet other people.

 

Now, my partner and I are meant to be getting married... and I still don't feel like I have formed the kind of relationships outside of my relationship that I want to. I feel very childish, but going through the people who I wanted to include in my wedding made me feel deeply insignificant compared to my partner who knows hundreds of people. In addition to this I have no extended family - so I feel very lonely at the moment.

 

I am old and wise enough to know that it is quality and not quantity that counts, but I can't help feeling ashamed that I don't have that many people to invite to our wedding...

 

I don't believe in fast friends, I have been there and done that in my youth... obviously I can't invent friends for my wedding. But, are there any good coping strategies for getting through this... as all of a sudden I feel very, very, embarrassed and ashamed that I don't have many friends.

[Alabama]

There have been many truths to something. That even though people cna have many friends, they only have a select few who are true friends. I wouldn't worry about now having as many friends as your fiancee, because as long as the friends you do have are true friends, than what more do you need? You are right. It is the quality of a friend that is important and not the quantity. You'll be fine. Good luck.

[registered]

I don't think you should feel ashamed of not having many friends...as has been said it's quality and not quantity that matters.

 

No one else will care either... the thing is, most people have these "fast friends" you speak of, or they consider people they hardly even know their friends.

They may have 100 people they call their friends but they would talk to very few of them and probably recognise few of them on the street!

 

Most people only have a small circle of close friends - no matter what they say or how it seems.

 

Also, getting rid of those "toxic" friends was a good thing to do - a lot of people are happy to call people like that "friends" because there just another few names for the list.

Don't feel ashamed, feel liberated and dignified.

 

All the best.