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dirtbubble

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This also is not a poem

 

I decided today like yesterday and the day before

Not to commit suicide today or tomorrow or any day after

Good to feel like I know

How I will feel about it later

 

I wish I could reach into every one of you

Make you know what I know

About life and truth

I am deluded enough

To imagine my knowledge is valuable

(Although I have not converted it into everlasting joy)

But I have to erase myself again from formal memory

 

This forum is not for me

After all

Because I cannot be consoled

My solitude is ineffable

I am alone and you all have helped prove that

I can only thank you

You will know how I feel one day

One day all of you will join my forum

Every word silenced

Deleted

Lost

Forgotten

 

This forum is for the heartbroken

Confused

Consolable

And advice is tolerated

Only from those who show no evidence of fault

Like Jesus

They have no sin

Or they are too young to have sinned

To have had relevant, first-hand experience

To have looked their own failings in the face

And told the truth to themselves

About what they see

 

I am vulnerable

I have made many mistakes

My mistakes include loving the wrong people too much

Over-committing

Leaving at the wrong time

Not committing

Caring too much about the tears of a lover

Not caring enough

Being too slow

Too fast

Favoring a dishonest lover over an honest friend

 

thereforeeee you are best advised

To ignore my advice

 

My mistakes do not include taking drugs

If anyone thought that based on what I wrote

They display an inability to read and think critically

Not my fault

 

Some of you young people will finally know one day

What it is to have made really bad decisions

Based on your best intentions and understanding

To have the consequences chase you until you collapse in the street

And understand that life is not fair

God's perfect plan for us is beyond our feeble ability to comprehend or appreciate

 

Goodbye again

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It's not mushrooms (though stay away from them), it not parasites (though stay away from them to), and its not you (kinda hard to stay away from yourself ). Life is full of disappointments, of bad luck. Sometimes its not fair and you just want to scream. Some are our mistakes and our own faults. Other times it is a case of bad luck that we couldn't have done anything about. I know. Sometimes I think if it wasn't for bad luck, I would have no luck at all.

 

But as long as you blame yourself for everything, as long as you live with the attitude that nothing good is going to happen, then that is precisely how things are going to be. You can't give into the idea that everything is going to go wrong. You have to have faith that things will get better. And you have to carry yourself, stand tall and proud and say that you aren't going to be like that, so down and mad at yourself, anymore. You are going to focus on getting things done, turning things around. Cause in the end, it will work out.

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Im sorry to hear what you have gone through, Shysoul has a good point though. With bad luck comes good luck, theres always light at the end of the tunnel. You never know what might happen, you might get a better job, you might win the lotto LOL who knows!!!! Just stay strong and dont blame anyone or yourself for the bad luck your having. It will pass. I know you can do it!

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