Being blunt

[Warbeast]

Is it ok to just be blunt when asking a girl out on a date, just come right out and ask?

[Moore]

I don't see why not.

 

Your not going to get anywhere by beating around the bush. I guess it depends on how serious you are about going out with that person.

[fireflies]

Yes, but whether or not you'll get a "Yes" depends on the girl, whether or not she's interested, and how she takes your "bluntness." You're more likely to meet with romantic success if you take the time to flirt, get to know her, and see if she flirts back before you "attack" your prey.

[Warbeast]

Well I am talking about girls that I don't even know at all. Like there was this girl that was our waitress at a resturaunt and I thought about just saying "hey, you want to go out with me sometime", but I didn't.

[PocoDiablo]

That's TOO blunt. You do have to at least talk to a woman for a few minutes to see if they have any chemistry with you. Otherwise you come off as a creep.

 

Real life example: We've got a waitress friend and we asked what's the worst line she hears. The #1 is when she walks up to the table, and they say "Hi, can I get your number?" Apparently she gets this all the time. It's really disrespectful and desperate. They don't even know her name!!!!

[shorty20]

I think being blunt is a great way to go. I knew of this guy, been to his house once, because he was dating a friend at the time, but other than that, we'd never really talked or hung out just me and him. He contacted me about a year after I'd been to his house. All he said was "hey, can I take you to a movie tomorrow night?"... that right was probably the best way anyone has ever asked me out on the date. No beating around the bush... I knew he was interested in getting to know me... I think being blunt shows confidence and girls love that.

[Beec]

I think it can work, and it has for me. But it is not something that I would prefer to do. I prefer to take steps in that direction and read her body language as I go. An example would be if I met a woman at a party, have ben talking with a little bit of flirting. I might tell her when apporaching a time i wanted to end the conversation that I enjoyed talking with her, and I'd watch how she reacted both in words and her body language. With a good reaction, I might suggest that we should do it again soon. With still a good reaction I would jsut ask, or if I were not feeling so confident, suggest we make plans to do that.

 

I have also stopped a woman in mid sentence when she suggested that a group of people, including both of us do something, and say: "I've got a better idea, why don't you have dinner with me". But I did know a her when I said it.

[annie24]

That's TOO blunt. You do have to at least talk to a woman for a few minutes to see if they have any chemistry with you. Otherwise you come off as a creep.

 

Real life example: We've got a waitress friend and we asked what's the worst line she hears. The #1 is when she walks up to the table, and they say "Hi, can I get your number?" Apparently she gets this all the time. It's really disrespectful and desperate. They don't even know her name!!!!

 

I agree! If you don't really know the girl, then blunt is bad. Yup - chit chat a while, ask her where she's from, what does she like to do for fun. If she seems receptive to you, then ask her for her number.

 

Now, if there's a girl you've known for a while, then blunt is ok.

[Warbeast]

Well thanks for the replys, I know what I need to do now. You all have been real helpful.

[saren]

How about the other way around? Is it ok for a girl to ask a GUY and be blunt like that?

[ShySoul]

Think of it like this, if a total stranger approaches you and asks you out, what are you going to think? You may be flattered that they noticed you. On the other hand, if they know nothing about you then why would they be interested in you? All they know about you is your outer appearance, a rather superficial criteria to decide if you want to go out with someone. There motivations are suspect, are they really interested in getting to know the person or are they just looking for a date with the first pretty thing that comes by?

 

Talking to someone first is always better. It comes accross as you are actually interested in knowing the person. However, it is your motivation that counts. If you are only talking to the person to appear less creepy when you do ask her out, that is wrong and shouldn't be your goal. It will come out in your actions either then or at some point in time. The thought of asking for a date should not be crossing your mind before you honestly can say you know the person at least somewhat.

[Dating Coach]

Think of it like this, if a total stranger approaches you and asks you out, what are you going to think? You may be flattered that they noticed you. On the other hand, if they know nothing about you then why would they be interested in you? All they know about you is your outer appearance, a rather superficial criteria to decide if you want to go out with someone. There motivations are suspect, are they really interested in getting to know the person or are they just looking for a date with the first pretty thing that comes by?

 

This is quite normal, and there is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone physically. It is very normal for us to want to learn something about someone who is attractive to us physically. Girls do it, guys do it. Just because someone is attracted to someone physically does not mean that they have bad intentions. You treat physical attractiveness as if it is a bad thing.

 

A girl will see a cute guy and hope he asks her out all of the time. No big deal. A guy will do the same thing. A guy can approach a girl who is attractive, start a conversation, and if it looks good he can ask her out. Do you think this is an insult? C'mon now. Sheesh! I said this to you once before, girls aren't such fragile creatures that must be pampered like babies. These are big girls. I think they can handle a guy approaching them because they are attractive and not be offended by it. If the guy only tries to get in her pants then yes, she can make the decision to avoid the player or to have some fun too. If the guy approached her because she is cute, but he seems generally interested in what she has to say and who she is, then she can make the decision to persue that guy or not.

[ShySoul]

How is it pampering a girl or treating them like a baby to simple engage them in conversation for the pure sake of engaging them in conversation and not having any motives on your mind of asking them out based solely on physcial attraction? It's actually treating them with more respect I would say.

 

Girls are approached like that all the time. A good number of the guys who do that are creeps. Ask any girl and they can probably tell you of a horror story involving this situation. For some people, this may be cause them to be on a state of high alert. Just going up and asking for a date would scare these girls off. What I am saying is to be aware of that. Do not make it your intent to go up to someone solely for the purpose of getting a date with them. Make it your intent just to talk to them and get to know them. Then, once you have garnered a respect for the person interior as well as the exterior, ask her out if you really feel inclined.

 

In waiting until you know the whole person, you show more respect for both her and yourself. You give her reason to believe you are sincere and not a creep. You demonstrate then you are enough of a gentleman to wait until the proper moment instead of just jumping on her like she is prey. You show her that you genuinely interested in who she is. Most girls would appreciate that. Plus, it gives you a chance to see if you think there is anything there beyond purely physical attraction.

 

You may notice someone based just on appearance. And sure, people will go up to others based on that physical appearance. But if that alone is what is making you eager to go out with her, you will probably find yourself disappointed in the end. If you talk to someone expecting nothing but a conversation, you will come accross as more sincere (because you are) and if anything comes from it then it will be a pleasant surprise.

 

Physical attraction is not bad, that's completely misunderstanding me. But it should not be the sole thing that determines who we want to ask out. Doing as I have suggested lets you decide if you want to ask out based on something deeper and more meaningful. And it is simple being respectful and a gentleman.

[Dating Coach]

How is it pampering a girl or treating them like a baby to simple engage them in conversation for the pure sake of engaging them in conversation and not having any motives on your mind of asking them out based solely on physcial attraction? It's actually treating them with more respect I would say.

 

That is a matter of opinion. I don't think asking someone out because they are attractive is disrespecting that person. If a girl came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Shelly and I couldn't help but notice you. You look like an interesting person and I would like to go out for a cup of coffee sometime. Would you be interested?" There is no way I would think to myself, "Ugh! What a total player! She just likes me because I am good looking to her!!! NO WAY!" Instead I would be flattered. Even if i wasn't attracted to her I would still be very flattered and wouldn't take it as disrespect. In fact, she was asking to get to know me, not to marry me.

 

Now if a girl came up and said, "You are hot and I just can't wait to sleep with you!", I would still be flattered that someone thought that of me, but I would be turned off because she was so quick to want to bang me simply because I met her physical needs.

 

On both examples there wasn't much of a conversation to get to know someone, and only one would I consider disrespectful-if even that. Now a girl is a bit different only in the fact that they get approached far more than guys do, and also that society puts a different set of expectations on women and men, regardless of how they really feel. Society has expectations on how we are "supposed" to feel and in a lot of ways it is unfair to women. Just like how if a guy sleeps with 50 girls other guys look upon him with respect-and believe it or not a lot of girls aren't phased by that either. However if a girl does it, all the other girls label her as a sIut, and so do the guys.

 

The whole point is that if you ask a girl out because she strikes your fancy, it is not insulting or superficial just because you asked her out. It depends on the manner in which you present yourself. In the same situation except reversed roles, there is nothing insulting or superficial about going up to a girl and saying, "Hi! My name is ShySoul and I could help but notice you. You look like an interesting person and I was wondering if I could buy you a cup of coffee?" I usually introduce myself a little differently, but the point is that if you do this, it is not insulting, and it is not offensive. Of course some uptight people might get pissy at this, but for the most part people will either say yes or no, but will be flattered that you came up to her.

 

Girls are approached like that all the time. A good number of the guys who do that are creeps. Ask any girl and they can probably tell you of a horror story involving this situation.

 

Yes girls get approached like this all of the time, and yes a good number of guys who do this can be creeps. Also it is true that a good number of girls can tell you a horror story about this as well. No dispute there. But you know what? I'd also say almost every girl out there has also accepted several invitations that came about this way. Half of the girls on this board have probably met their current boyfriend in a similar situation. Most of the people I know have had dates start off like this, many of which are still together happily.

 

To think that girls are little babies that can't handle a situation like this is just silly. I'm not saying that is what you said, I'm just making the point. Women are big girls and they can handle this situation without looking at it like an uptight child. "Oh I can't believe the nerve of the guy to dare ask me for my number!!! He doesn't even know me!!! How could he want to have my number! What a total loser!" That's just unrealistic and silly. Of course if a guy comes accross as a loser when he makes the initial contact, then it's likely a girl will think this, but a guy can just as easily be honest and straightforward and come accross respectful and actually succeed with the approach. There's nothing wrong with doing it.

 

In waiting until you know the whole person, you show more respect for both her and yourself. You give her reason to believe you are sincere and not a creep. You demonstrate then you are enough of a gentleman to wait until the proper moment instead of just jumping on her like she is prey.

 

Approaching a girl you find attractive doesn't mean she is prey. Your whole attitude towards this approach is purely negative. If you don't feel comfortable with it, then that's fine, but just because you don't like it doesn't mean that guys who do are making women "prey". Sheesh!!

 

You show her that you genuinely interested in who she is.

 

What, you can't be interested in who someone is if you are first attracted to their physical appearance? Just because a guy approaches a woman that is attractive doesn't mean that he doesn't care who she is. That's the whole point of dating! You get to know that person and who they are and you do it openly where both parties show the other that they are doing this in attempt to find a romantic partner. Again, if this is not for you or you can't do it yourself, that does not mean it is wrong. If you don't like it, don't do it, just don't knock it either.

 

You may notice someone based just on appearance. And sure, people will go up to others based on that physical appearance. But if that alone is what is making you eager to go out with her, you will probably find yourself disappointed in the end.

 

You can't be eager to go out with someone because they are attractive? If you are eager to go out with someone you just met then you are setting yourself up for disappointment? That has nothing to do with how the relationship turns out. Now if you are only focused on physcial throughout the entire relationship then of course there is no depth to what you have, but being eager to date a beautiful woman that you don't know is not a bad thing and it does not mean that you will have a disappointing relationship. I know many relationships that are perfect and they started this way.

 

Physical attraction is not bad, that's completely misunderstanding me. But it should not be the sole thing that determines who we want to ask out. Doing as I have suggested lets you decide if you want to ask out based on something deeper and more meaningful. And it is simple being respectful and a gentleman.

 

Why shouldn't it? Physical attractiveness is real, everyone feels it. You're just asking someone out, you are attempting to get to know someone with whom you feel a physcial attraction to. There is nothing wrong with that, you're not asking them to marry you! You get to know them when you go out! You don't get to know someone any more or any less by going out with them or simply keeping it on a "friends" basis. The only difference in "going out" is that you both are clear on where your "getting to know each other" is going.

[ShySoul]

How about the other way around? Is it ok for a girl to ask a GUY and be blunt like that?

 

Sorry, no one answered your question before. I think the same "rules" apply for both men and women. Talk to a person. Hold a nice pleasant conversation. If things go well, then either party may ask the other. Girls do not have to wait for the guy to say something. Whoever is feeling it should just ask. You don't know unless you try, and there is no point in risking not speaking out and never knowing what could have happened.

 

Now, I have never said it is insulting to ask someone out because they "strike your fancy." I have always said that it is superficial to ask someone out based solely on physical appearance. I think people should ask themselves what it really is that "strikes their fancy." If you see someone and say to yourself, "she's gorgeous, I have to ask her out," what is that saying? You do not know anything about the person. All you know is that she is a pretty face. But if you engage her in conversation first, then you can find out if something else, something deeper, more meaningful, and be in tune with who she really is "strikes your fancy." I'm not saying random approaches can't work out. I'm not saying they will all be bad. I'm just saying it shows more class and respect to actually engage a women in conversation with no intent other then to get to know her first. This is not treating her like a baby, it is treating like a lady.

 

Some may not see these points. These people are more focused on the physical and most likely view the situation as a game in which they have to have the upper hand.

 

I am saying that while not all guys are creeps and view the girl as prey, there is no way for the girl to be able to tell the difference. Not all sleezes approach a girl by saying "hey baby, want to hook up?" Some girls are very sensitive, have experienced that a lot in the past. I've heard more stories from girls having bad experiences then I have heard good experiences. They are thus constantly on guard. I have heard from a few women who say that if a guy just came up to them at random and said he found her interesting, that they would run as fast as they could. As they said, how can he say I seem interesting when all he knows is how I look? He doesn't know my personality, my interests, my job, or even my name! There is no way for the girl to tell which guy is good and not. There is no way for the guy to tell which girls are cautious and leery. So I suggest talking the easiest and safest approach. Have a real conversation before you ask the person out, for coffee, or something like that. Get a feel for each other first. Then if you both feel comfortable, arrange to meet up some time.

 

All I do is say what I have seen work and what women say they want from a guy, and what they end up going for in a guy. If you don't want to listen to it, that's your lose. Take my advice or not, I just hope that I give people something to consider.

[Dating Coach]

I agree that the better is to start up a conversation, that's how I met my girlfriend. I've also seen guys who are considered great guys approach a girl they saw, and the asked them out successfully like this. Just by doing so doesn't mean you are superficial. I see cute girls all of the time and half of them I wouldn't even date if they begged me. You have to have a personality. There is nothing wrong with approaching a girl and straight up asking her out and then getting to know her during the date. I think a conversation to build some rapport is a better way to go, I just thought your dissing on the guys who approach cold turkey was a bit off.

[ShySoul]

Then you misunderstood. I think you have the tendency to argue with me so much that you bypass what I say and find something to disagree with. Though I'm glad to you read my posts so much and care enough to argue.

 

Actually, making a judgment about someone and whether or not you want to talk or go out with them because of there physical appearance is the very definition of superficial. Honestly, I looked it up.

 

Superficial - of or pertaining to the surface; concerned merely with what is on the surface, external or outward only.

 

I'm not saying these are bad people doing it. I'm just saying it is rather superficial of them and I'm not going to be like that. I'm focused on what's real and more meaningful, whats below the surface, the interior not exterior.

[Dating Coach]

If I see a cute girl, and approach her because she is cute, but decide after talking to her that she is stuck up and not my type, so I walk away and move on, then I disagree that I was being superficial. For most people in this world, looks are important, but they are not everything. If someone tells me that they don't care what someone looks like, then I call BS. I think it is superficial if you date people that are attractive and don't care about what's beneath. But approaching a cute girl that you don't know isn't superficial IMO.