I'm a horrible person

[Impedimenta]

I had a fight with my mom again. I can't help myself lately. I yelled at her again for no reason and it was the last drop. For the last few days I;ve been acting weird. It's like I can't helo but yell. I don't even know what's up with me. Sure I did it before but only like once a month, not every day. I'm almost 19 and I act like a freaking 13 year old. Aren't I supposed to grow up by now???

 

I don't know if it's college stress or something else. I just hate myself so much now

I don't know what to do. Another "I'm sorry" won't work

can anyone tell me how to properly apologize?? I apologized so many times before after fights that for my mom "I'm sorry" probably doesn't mean a thing any more

[LostInMyThoughts]

First off, you're not a horrible person! We all get angry, and that is absolutely okay.

 

You're not acting like a 13 year old. You sound like you're acting like a person who is genuinely angry about something.

 

It sounds like you're developing into an anger/shame cycle (something I excell at...). Basically you get angry about something (college or stress), let that anger out (yelling at your mom), feel bad about how you deal with your anger (apologizing), then shame yourself (i hate myself, I'm a horrible person), then you probably repress your anger, until it explodes again into this cycle.

 

Time to stop.

 

Its okay to get angry.

 

So what is it that you're angry about? Now that you've got a clear head, think about what it is that you are getting angry about. Until you can figure that out and work on it, you'll keep getting angry about it.

 

Thats okay, but now how should you deal with your anger. I can imagine that your mom might be pushing you into finding out whats wrong, and you eventually let off steam by yelling at her.

 

I suggest trying a new approach. Maybe go into your room and punch the hell outta your pillows. Or throw them on the ground, or go for a run. Or my favorite dance. Something physical to get up all that adrenaline out of your system (by the way when you get angry, you trigger your fight-or-flight reflex system which kicks in adrenaline. Not using that adrenaline, it turns into a toxin!).

 

As for an apology, you're right saying sorry over and over again, and letting things happen, isn't much of an apology. So here is what I recommend. When you are calm, come up to your mom, and be honest with her. You're really angry about something, and you keep expressing that by yelling at her. You're not sure what you're angry about, but that you're going to find out. If she pries, and it makes you mad, tell her you need some time to blow off steam. Walk away and release that anger. Then come back and continue talking to her.

[Impedimenta]

I'm not angry.. I.. don't know what I am. If I tell mom that it's stress and college, she'll say that I am making excuses. But I will try what you suggested

[italianstalian]

a little bit of vodka now and then would help that

[LostInMyThoughts]

Sorry, I had assumed it was anger about something.

 

Maybe before apologizing to your mom, you should take some time to think about whats bothering you. Then you can explain a little better.

 

Don't necessarily say that the reason you yelled at her is because you're stressed out, but rather say that you're really stressed and you're not sure why you yell, and that you're sorry that you took it out on your mom by yelling at her because it was wrong, and she's not the reason your stressed. It's a subtle difference because now you're owning up to your mistake, not just making an excuse for it.

 

Good luck.

[Serendipity1607307077]

All teenagers have clashes with their parents, especially daughters with their mothers!! I think it might be time for you to think about what you want out of life and think about moving out..

 

Mum and I could be the worst of enemies but since I have moved out we are the best of friends...