loveable_hippie Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 Hello all this site has helped me with many things so I hope someone can help me with this one. I know this will be long so bear with me. First I must give a little information...My Husband (Joe) and my sisters husband (John) work for the same company both as store managers. John has worked there for 2 years and Joe started there last month. Since my husband started there John has been terrible to him, turning him in to upper management for stupid things and things like that. Well last week Joe got upset to the point that he told John in no uncertain terms what he thought of him and they got into an argument about what has been going on. This has torn my family apart some are on Johns side some on Joes and neither side will talk to the other (the holidays should be fun this year). Yesterday I thought I would go to Johns Store and try to sort things out. As I was walking around the Store I heard John and one of his employees talking in the next aisle. John said to her "I told my wife that I am working overnight so I can stay with you tonight" then this woman who I don't know said "Great my period just ended so we can do anything you want" at that point I left the store without talking to him. Now I don't know what to do. If I tell my sister what I heard she might think I am just trying to start more trouble and that is if she talks to me at all. I don't feel right not telling her because I don't know if he is useing protection with this woman and he might get some disease, and I dont want her to find out from someone who dosen't know her and who may say it in a way that will hurt her more. I'm lost on this anyone got any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomAdvisor Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 Now I don't know what to do. If I tell my sister what I heard she might think I am just trying to start more trouble and that is if she talks to me at all. I don't feel right not telling her because I don't know if he is useing protection with this woman and he might get some disease, and I dont want her to find out from someone who dosen't know her and who may say it in a way that will hurt her more. I'm lost on this anyone got any ideas? This is a tricky one. I thought exactly the same thing. Under normal circumstances she would probably believe you, but right now it's possible she will think you are lying and being very cruel because of the situation between your husbands. It has potential to make things worse. How long have they been married, and do they have children together? I'm not sure if you should tell her, but if you do, you can't tell her without some proof. Would his wife be able to check the records to see if he really did work late on that particular night? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 I think that if you want to tell you sister then you should do it, allow her to take it at face value or think whatever she wants about her. If you feel obligated to tell her then do so. It all depends on the kind of person you are, if you can just let it slide or do you feel the urge to tell her. Its a difficult situation but make up your mind and stick with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 Yes it is a difficult situation. Often the messenger is the one that cops the brunt of the anger. I think maybe as Someguy said you could tell your sister to check if he is actually working the night in question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psyche Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 anonymous tip maybe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ComputerGuy Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 I think you should call her up, organise a time and place to meet up, and let her know its important. Try to make sure its just you and her when you break the news to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bethany Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 I would tell him what you over heard and tell him it needs to stop and you won't tell your sister. Or if you feel you would betray your sister by not telling her, make him do it. Give him a time limit to end it and tell her what he has been up to and tell him that if he doesn't YOU WILL. You shouldn't even be in the middle of HIS mess. Make him clear it up. He's the lying cheating husband, treat him like he is. Do what's best for your sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratherbesailing Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 If your husband was cheating and your sister knew would you want her to tell you? I would. She could take it out on you but you probably know in your heart whether she is that kind of person so you can be ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TLC Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 Wow..... this is a hard one. First of all, lets look at the facts: 1) You DON'T know that he is cheating for sure. You overheard a conversation that COULD have been a joke. Not a very funny joke mind you, but still, it might not have been serious. You need to know your facts first before confronting anyone. 2) The relationship between your sister and her husband is their business. He may or may not be cheating on her, but whatever is going on you should stay out of it - particularly because you don't know the facts. I understand that you want to protect your sister, but without having more solid evidence there is not point speaking to her about this. It will make things MUCH worse in your family. Be patient, all will be revealed at some point soon, and when it is, you will be there to catch her...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanilla Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 wowowowow...conversation that could have been a joke? if my sister heard my husband/partner/boyfriend joking around with another woman like that I would WANT to know about it. I do not want to be committed to a man who finds sexually joking with other women behind my back is acceptable. No matter what problems I face with my sister, bottom line is she IS my sister. I would tell her. If she gets really angry then say "you are my sister and I love you- I just wanted you to know" and walk away. Can you imagine if YOUR sister knew all this and never told you? Do you know how hurt y ou would be that she kept this from you even if at the moment you didndt believe her? Cheating comes to the surface at one point or another. She may be angry with you now - but when she finds out for herself she will know how much you really cared - and that to me is what counts the most. In my case, I wouldnt be able to sleep knowing that I never told my sister the truth, no matter under what circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeawutever Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 I don't think you should tell, ok so she's your sister and I knowhow much you care about her, but that's really up to him to fess up or get himself caught, but you can come with evidence and leave it to your sister to see them and figure them out, ex: lsecretly leaving a photo, but don't let her know about this, or secretly using a viode tape, but don't go on telling nor tell her "this is wut i found", DON'T SAY THAT, let her figure out. But you can say this to him "I wanna tell you that I've herad wut you told the other woman the other day, just warning you and this will be your first and last time you cheat on my sister mister, I'm warning, she'll find out sonner or later" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 I don't think it is fair to just leave it to her to find out. Okay, if you did not know her...maybe. But you do. And she is family. It's not as simple as "just letting her find out". He is putting HER health at risk at this point. Not only STD's, but what if she is planning with him to have a baby, and brings a child into this mess? Or..his mistress gets pregnant and she finds this out? This is something that will damage her now or later, and I think NOW is better then hiding the truth you know from her. I don't care if he uses condoms with her or not, or with his wife or not, they are not 100%...and I bet he is NOT using them with his wife anyway. I think you should call her, meet her, tell her what you OVERHEARD. Be compassionate and let her know it is hard to tell. Do not tell her "he is cheating"...just tell her the facts as YOU know them, and let her do her own work from there. Be supportive. I am sorry, maybe it was a joke...but that is not something *I* find funny either, and if my sister overheard my partner saying things like that to another women, I would want to know about it too. And let HIM explain it to me for me to decide if it was really a very unfunny joke or not. For me my sister is someone whom I need to take care of...and that does not mean keeping the truth or sheltering her. Sorry, but that conversation does not seem "innocent" to me. I don't think any more "proof" needs to be found in order to tell her what you heard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miracle29 Posted November 14, 2005 Share Posted November 14, 2005 sorry i double posted, please read the post below Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miracle29 Posted November 14, 2005 Share Posted November 14, 2005 Me being the secrent agent preggo private I, I am , I would have followed him to this trollops house and then gone and gotten my sister told he and then knocked on this skanks door and busted his loser behind. However that plan is gone so now its off to plan B. You need to either come right out and tell your sister the truth or have someone call her without giving a name with the ol' annonymous tipsky. The ol.. "Hi, I'm a co-worker of your husbands and I just want to tell you that he is was not working late that night at all, he is having an affair with a co-worker. If you don't believe me, then please come up to the job and confront him." He needs to have his balls busted for this. Don't allow her to be fooled like this. Me being the person I am, I wouldhave charged in that office and told Ms. "I'm off my period and him off". I would have gone off and then called my sister right then and their and said "tell her "so and so" tell her what you're really doing tonight". Your sister would have known from the anger in your voice and his reaction that you were not lying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loveable_hippie Posted November 14, 2005 Author Share Posted November 14, 2005 Thanks everyone for your input I did tell her about what I heard and she wasn't even shocked she told me that she had known for a while that he wasn't being fathful but just needed to hear it from someone else (A woman always knows). She went to see a lawyer today about a divorce and intends to sue for custody of their children (I might have to talk to a Judge about him cheating on her) but I'm willing to do that to help my sister. Again thanks to everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted November 14, 2005 Share Posted November 14, 2005 Thanks everyone for your input I did tell her about what I heard and she wasn't even shocked she told me that she had known for a while that he wasn't being fathful but just needed to hear it from someone else (A woman always knows). She went to see a lawyer today about a divorce and intends to sue for custody of their children (I might have to talk to a Judge about him cheating on her) but I'm willing to do that to help my sister. Again thanks to everyone To be fair, a woman does not ALWAYS know, but in hindsight there are often plenty of signs! Sounds like telling her was the right thing to do though, and is giving her the motivation she needs to have. I hope that she will however, work something out with custody with the children with their father...obviously she hurts so is reacting to that, but children should have their father in their lives too when possible... Anyway, glad it turned out telling her was positive, and her reaction was as it was to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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