Does she love me, or the guy she wants me to be???

[striider]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over two months. At the beginning everything was wonderful but I've noticed things changing over the past little while. At first she seemed very happy with who I was, but now she does things that make me wonder. Now if we make plans to go out she'll often tell me that I what I'm wearing isn't "stylish enough" and that I should change. She herself admits that she is somewhat shallow and that appearance is very important to her. By the way, I'm no slouch and dress very well - I'm always being complemented about it at work, I'm just not "trendy". An example - to wear shorts with sneakers is apparently a faux pas - I should be wearing sandals. ????

 

Also, she arranges for us to do things which she really likes but knows I won't enjoy - example: I'm fairly reserved and a bit of an introvert, but she likes putting me in situations were I'm not comfortable - the last time it was going to "Tony and Tina's Wedding" - an "interactive" comedy where you are accosted by the actors and made to feel like a loser if you don't want to join in. She loves this type of thing, but I would much rather not be involved. The are lots of other things that we both enjoy doing, but she seems to get a kick out of seeing me in an uncomfortable situation.

 

I'm really confused about this because I believe that if you love someone you want to do things to make them feel good about themselves, not make them feel uncomfortable. Am I taking this too seriously, or should I simply be honest and say I'd prefer if we could do something else instead?? The problem is that she's always buying tickets etc without asking me first.

 

Help!

[S4il]

Tell her you want to do something. and plan it about 2 weeks or more ahead.

 

But..........DON'T tell her what. Let her guess, make it something you both would enjoy. something simple but surprising at the same time. To leave her hanging on the edge you could tell her its something she "might like."

just to throw out these false *hints* make it seem like your not sure she would like it. but have it be something REALLY big.

 

Example. Having a Limo come pick you 2 up. go to a special place. a dinner spot. perhaps a place where you first meet. or first date spot, and have everything go smooth, I'm sure you can think of some things after the dinner...

[dfcannon]

The advice about the limo doesn't really sit well with me. I think it would be as if you're rewarding her for being such a b**ch.

 

You need to have a talk with her. Tell her you feel as if you're on a waterslide and you never know what's around the bend. She MUST plan events WITH you, not FOR you. She's taking advantage of your introverted nature and loves the control she has over you. She's wants everything her way, and that's what she basically sees in you, imo...a chance to have everything her way.

 

If cooperation isn't in her game plan, you could suggest a kind of tit-for-tat: for every event she plans, you are allowed to plan 1 yourself. If she continues to make it things you don't like, then take her to things SHE won't like until she gets the message.

 

Honestly, I think a better solution is to break up with her and stay single for a few months, and look for a more compatible girl. But if you want to stay with her, assert yourself before it's too late.

[SwingFox]

Hi Striider,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that you're not getting along with your g/f. I understand that she usually plan all the things and that most of the time you don't seem to be very comfortable in her plans.

 

Communication is the key to the solution of this problem. I agree with dfcannon that it might be a good idea to think of what you really expect out of a relationship with her and what your needs are. Communicate your needs and explain her how the current situation makes you feel. I suggest that you vary sweet words with words of your concern. Listen to her and see where you could compromize.

 

I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck

 

~ SwingFox ~