how often do you call the girl u are dating/wanna be called

[Dating Coach]

dancingmsg, With my girl, she may have wanted the attention, but she was unclear in signals.

 

You have a girl now? When did this happen? I thought you said that you've never had a girlfriend?

[Dating Coach]

You may discover you were right and she does like you.

 

Or you may discover cops at your door with a restraining order.

 

Seriously, this soppy unrealistic "follow your heart, ignore your head" crud is for the movies or romance novels, not the real world. Ask that guy Annie that was talking about where following his heart and ignoring the signs got him. That outcome is surprisingly very common, to greater or lesser degrees. Her answer is out there already, it's just a matter of seeing it for what it really is. Ignoring those answers and doing what you want regardless cannot be a good thing. There is a difference between "persistance" and "stubborness".

 

dancing, you were right when you just said that you don't want to be persistent if she doesn't like you. Obviously you need that answer right away so go get it from her and move on.

[Beec]

Ignoring someone's signals that they are not interested and blindly following your own feelings, well, that sounds like someone is being a stalker in my book. Nothing like a little staking to scare into submitting to your interest and feelings. Good idea? I don't think so.

 

Considering your own feelings and only your own feeligns sounds self-centered and selfish to me. Isn't love supposed to be thinking about how the other person feels?

[PocoDiablo]

Hi, long time lurker, first time poster. I just had to get in on this.

 

In response to the original question - how often do you call the girl you are dating - I'll tell you it's rare. In my experience, you - the man - should call her once and make a date right off the bat. The telephone is a tool that should be used sparingly and only to set up face-to-face meetings. Due to the fact that phones, email, and IM can detract greatly from the quality of a conversation, and completely rules out reading any body language, the longer you spend on the "wire" the more likely you'll either:

 

a) end up in friend zone

b) end up in a misunderstanding

 

In my experience, if a woman is interested in you romantically, she will NOT want to spend time on the phone with you. She will want to spend time WITH you. However, when nothing intimate is desired, such as a friendship, a woman would gladly spend days on the phone with you.

 

Any real man recognizes that the point of a relationship is to get closer to another person and get to know them - not their phone manners - better.

 

Now, if you start calling frequently - and that means more than once without getting a return call - you ARE a stalker. Knock it off. Believe me, it's PATHETIC and DISGUSTING. I've had women who call me 15 times in 5 minutes. Do you think that is attractive? No, it's immature and desperate. (Ask me if you want to know how to get rid of stalkers, by the way, without having to file a restraining order.)

 

Quite simply, you need to determine if a woman is interested in you or not. How can you tell? It's EASY! If she makes time for you!

 

My last GF called me as soon as she got home from work, and asked if she could come over. She'd drive 15 minutes to my place and then we'd go out until 2:00 in the morning. She'd sometimes spend the night and sometimes go home. Then she'd do it all over again. Do you think this shows interest? Sure it does. If she did not call me after I called her, I would KNOW she was not thinking about me, and I would KNOW she was not interested in me! Simple.

 

At that point you go out and find someone else who IS smart enough to recognize what a cool person you are. But a man, a gentleman, an ADULT, does not go about throwing himself at a woman like a child clings to his mother. You need to have some self-control, self-respect, and self-confidence to know that you are the prize - not her.

[33yeargirl]

okay, this is tricky ground so as a girl i will tell you what I feel is telephone etiquette....a guy should definitely call to set up a future date at least once a week. Then, the day after a date (if good) you should absolutely call her and tell her you were thinking of her because you had a good time. Leave that call at that. If you want to see her on a weekend you need to definitely call by Thursday night. You should call the girl when you say you will, when she tells you and at least once a week to say "hey, what's up"....never go over three days without calling...never. too hot and cold....you can substitute a text for one phone call per week but no more. If she calls you, don't let more than two hours go by without returning the call. Text messages should be returned within an hour....also (very important) NEVER say you didn't call because you were busy ------the president of the us is busy ---most of us regular people can return a text promptly. I can't stress enough - never longer than three days of no calls - we think you are a player at that point. Or we think you are not into us and we will accept dates from others at that point...

[Dating Coach]

Well said!

[dancingmsg]

Yes, indeed. PocoDiablo, you got some good points there.

 

Like i said...the only problem i am facing now is that i am not sure that if this girl has no/low interest level in me or she is just being shy and likes to take passive role in a relationship.....i will find it out very soon....will simply this whole thing by simply asking her flat out.... period

[ShySoul]

You have a girl now? When did this happen? I thought you said that you've never had a girlfriend?

 

Remember the girl I was so close to that the topic of marriage kept popping up? It's an odd situation where technically she was never my girlfriend, but it was so close that we could have been viewed as a couple even if we never made it official. Long story.

 

Or you may discover cops at your door with a restraining order

 

Please, never joke about that. I know people who have been the victim of stalkers. I know people who have wrongly been portrayed as a stalker and told that the cops would be coming to their door. It is not a joking matter.

 

Just because I am saying that people should follow their hearts and that one day she may turn around and see that the person she wants has been there all along, doesn't mean I am saying be a stalker and follow her everywhere. I am seeing to be a friend. I am saying to be nice to her. I am saying that when someone gets into your heart, you can't just move on. It takes time. So as long as you still have those feelings, you aren't going to be able to move on. Follow your heart means that if you still believe there is hope, hold onto that hope. It doesn't matter what her answer is, if the person isn't ready to resolve it in their hearts, they aren't going to no matter what the other person says or what anyone else says.

 

I've told the story before. My best friends father said from the moment that he met his wife, that they would be together and she was the only one for him. She didn't go for him at first, they were only friends. They drifted away. He didn't become a stalker, but he didn't lose hope in the one girl. Story goes that he was even going to join a monastery rather then meet someone else. Eventually they reunited and got married. Hope and persistance paid off. Following your heart and not your head paid off. And this is real life, not a movie.

 

My brother once broke up with a girl when she cheated on him. Actions clearly say she isn't interested. But in his heart he wasn't ready to come to terms with it. He cried. He had periods where he blamed himself. He had periods where he blamed her. And he had periods where he thought they would still end up together. He needed to go through all of that. He needed, for at least some time, to believe that it wasn't over. He needed it to help him grieve. He needed it to help him through the emotional turmoil he was going through. But gradually, time proved once again to heal the wounds. He was able to get over her and move on, but first he needed to hold onto the relationship for awhile. It provided him a bit of hope in an otherwise dark time in his life.

 

Same applies to me and my girl. She tried to run away and say we should just be friends. From your advice I should have forgot about her and moved on. In fact, that might have even been logical. But I couldn't do it because my love for her was too strong. So I keep in mind that I did love her and I did want to be with her. I was her friend, but there was never any question as to my true feelings for her. And incredibly enough, this being stuck in the so called "friends zone" thing was tossed aside. Do friends engage in massive amounts of flirting? Do friends spend the night cuddling together? Does a girl that just wants to be friends give a guy is first kiss or say she loves him? I was persistent. I would even say I was stubborn. And I benefitted from it.

 

Neither me or my brother became stalkers or went to far. There is a difference between following your heart and holding onto hope when you need to, and becoming obsessive.

[dancingmsg]

Wow, ShySoul, you have some beautiful stories out there....I truly admire you and your persistence....maybe that is really what they call true love....you made your efforts and they all paid off....it seems to me you and your gf are meant to be together....it's God's will.....nothing really matters other than that....

[teacup]

i would like to be called every 3-4 days. or even 4-5 days. something like that. it doesnt need to be a long convo. just a hi and how are you and i miss you is good.

[PocoDiablo]

... You should call the girl when you say you will, when she tells you and at least once a week to say "hey, what's up"....never go over three days without calling...never. too hot and cold....you can substitute a text for one phone call per week but no more. If she calls you, don't let more than two hours go by without returning the call. ... etc

I agree with most of this, except for replying within 1-2 hours. Really, is this an electronic leash? I've got issue with that because it's a form of control when you "have" to respond within such-and-such time frame. I call my fiance and at times she does not even get back to me (usually because she is sleeping!) and that's fine. I know I am going to see her later.

 

However, I would like to say again - electronic forms of communication should only be used to set up dates. Texting is ridiculous. So is IM and email. Those are very "formal" and "business-like" means of communication. If you are dating someone, if you are lovers ... you need to SEE each other! If you are e-communicating with someone, your messages should be related ONLY to setting up a meeting 95% of the time. For example, this is the only text message I want to see on my phone:

 

Him: Hey babe, when I get home tonight let's go to ABC restaurant and have some drinks. I'll be there at 6.

Her: Sounds great, see you then!

 

Anything more than that... man, save it for work!

[Dating Coach]

You know, a lady once was blown out of an airplane thousands of feet in the air. Her unconscious body free fell to the ground... and she lived. By the way, I don't recommend free falling from a plane, because usually you die.

[ShySoul]

it seems to me you and your gf are meant to be together....it's God's will.....nothing really matters other than that....

 

Tell that to her then. Long story, but technically not girlfriend right now. Haven't given up hope but I am letting nature take its course. Feel free to write me, I'll see if I can recall some other romantic stories for you.

 

I agree with most of this, except for replying within 1-2 hours. Really, is this an electronic leash? I've got issue with that because it's a form of control when you "have" to respond within such-and-such time frame

'

 

Having a specified time limit is too much. A person should return a call as soon as he or she is able. There could be very valid reasons that they can't call within 2 hours. That's why its best to just call when you feel like it. Going too far in either direction - having to call in a certain time frame or having to wait a certain amount of time before calling - isn't good. Trust your own judgement and call when it feels right.

 

However, I would like to say again - electronic forms of communication should only be used to set up dates. Texting is ridiculous. So is IM and email. Those are very "formal" and "business-like" means of communication. If you are dating someone, if you are lovers ... you need to SEE each other!

 

Yes, you need to see each other and should whenever possible. But what if you can't see each other as much as you would like? What if its long distance relationship or if the two of you have odd schedules that conflict at times. What if IM or phone is the only way you can talk to each other for awhile? In that case, these means are lifesavers. You get to be with the person in some way instead of being alone and missing them.

 

Um... email is formal? Odd, cause I get plenty of email that is anything but formal. You wouldn't have people taking all kinds of shortcuts in writing in something that is formal. When was the last time you saw a business document with things like: "cya later," "lol," "wot", bad grammer, lack of capitalizations, "thnx," and all kinds of other shortcuts. I've had teachers in business classes stressing the importance of making emails more formal cause all to often they aren't.

 

And really, if someone texted you and you saw the message, "thinking of you... miss you... love you...," you wouldn't find that touching?

 

You know, a lady once was blown out of an airplane thousands of feet in the air. Her unconscious body free fell to the ground... and she lived. By the way, I don't recommend free falling from a plane, because usually you die.

 

Noted: not free falling from a plane. But that's the best you can come up with? I was expecting more, something that actually addressed what was being talked about and the points that were raised.

 

Here's a quote that goes along with your example: "My dad always told me that's the only way you deal with pain; you don't surrender, you don't fight it, you turn it into something positive. He used to say: 'If you are falling off a cliff, you may as well try to fly. You've got nothing to lose.'"

 

So if things aren't going well, hold onto hope and try to fly. You've got nothing to lose.

[33yeargirl]

let me clarify - 1-2 hour time limit on response to a text....IF you are able - I was leaning more on the non response time to any type of communication should not be longer than 3 days - at that point the person is wondering if you've lost interest. If you are in a NEW relationship communication should be within a day I would think....two max. After that a person's feelings are hurt....I always say "If I call the President, I understand him not getting back to me becuz he is busy...."

[Dating Coach]

Noted: not free falling from a plane. But that's the best you can come up with? I was expecting more, something that actually addressed what was being talked about and the points that were raised.

 

I actually responded several times but I kept deleting them because I really didn't know what to say to something that was so devoid of any relevence. You are talking about huge exeptions to the rule, and you are also talking about situations that are completely different-whether it be a completely different situation and/or a situation from a different decade.

 

I covered this in my Guide. There is always some Jim Bozo from Arizona who claims things worked out just perfect for them. It sounds good when they simply say it, but you aren't hearing exactly what happened because it may not be the same situation at all-and most likely isn't. Using such scenario's to support a baseless argument is pretty much pointless and weak. So is playing up to people's desires in an attempt to get them to agree with you. Anyone can tell someone what they want to hear and if they like it it's easy to think you know what you are talking about.

 

Please, to the OP, take ShySoul's advice. Please do it. Come back here from time to time and tell us all how your relationship is progressing.

[Beec]

Remember the girl I was so close to that the topic of marriage kept popping up? It's an odd situation where technically she was never my girlfriend, but it was so close that we could have been viewed as a couple even if we never made it official. Long story.

 

Same applies to me and my girl. She tried to run away and say we should just be friends. From your advice I should have forgot about her and moved on. In fact, that might have even been logical.

 

So is she or is she not your "girlfriend"? Would she tell someone you were her boyfriend?

[Dating Coach]

You want it, you got it.

 

Remember the girl I was so close to that the topic of marriage kept popping up? It's an odd situation where technically she was never my girlfriend, but it was so close that we could have been viewed as a couple even if we never made it official. Long story.

 

"we never made it official"? We... or her? Why isn't this girl your girlfriend? Why don't you explain the entire situation from the beginning, without falsehoods or exaggerations to make yourself look better. I find it very curious that you two have this great relationship but you two aren't official, don't make out, or whatever else regular people do... Are you sure that you aren't there for her as temporary comfort until a man she is really looking for falls into her life? Why won't she commit?

 

Using a situation like this as your trump card is pretty silly sounding to me.

 

Please, never joke about that. I know people who have been the victim of stalkers. I know people who have wrongly been portrayed as a stalker and told that the cops would be coming to their door. It is not a joking matter.

 

Who's joking? It happens. That happens, and situations less than that happen where girls will think you are "psycho" and will tell all of their friends. It happens when they give you their answer and you don't take a hint, you don't give up, and you keep bothering them because you "followed your heart" and kept hoping she would change her mind and suddenly see what a great guy you are. Yeah... such a great guy because you don't have the self respect to know that you deserve better than to follow someone around like a tame puppy dog trying to please the person in hopes that someday their "No" will turn into a "yes". That was just silly advice and there is nothing further to say about it.

 

You tell guys stuff like this and it's what they want to hear. They want that girl and even though the girl isn't interested they still have hope that she will change her mind. Then someone comes along and feeds them stuff that they want to hear and you think that it is good advice? I don't care if they agree with you, you are telling them what they want to hear! Of course they are likely to agree! I did this too! When I was younger my friends who were girls would tell me all the crap I wanted to hear and I ended up wasting 2 years of my life hoping that the girl would see what kind of guy I was. Yes I was a good guy, all I wanted to do was make them happy, and to romance her, but that behavior is flawed, because I didn't have self respect to know that if her answer was no, then I should have accepted the rejection and moved on. I owed it to myself to do this, even though I didn't want to. Part of the reason I couldn't move on was because people kept telling me how great of a guy I was and that maybe she would change her mind. Hah! Thanks for the lost years of my life! Thanks for assisting me at continuing to ram my head into a brick wall for two whole years! But really, it was no one's fault but my own for listening to that crap. I should have known that she wasn't interested and that her opinion of me was already formed. No amount of playing the Superhero Guy for her would make her change her mind, and nor should it.

You know what? I still see that girl today, every great once and awhile, and she still is a great girl. One of the friendliest, nicest, cutest girls I know, and I've seen the guys she has dated over the years and I am amazed. These guys I thought were totally beneath her, but it's her choice. Her choice wasn't me. It doesn't bother me anymore because I have too much self respect to even want to waste time on someone that can't see what qualities I have. I have someone now who does, and it is a great thing to hear that person spontaneously tell you from time to time how great you are, and then prove it through her actions. It's great to look at my partner now and have her smile real big because she is happy with me. It is also great to have a girl who is willing to be official with me as well. I know what she wants, because she took it and made me hers.

 

 

Just because I am saying that people should follow their hearts and that one day she may turn around and see that the person she wants has been there all along, doesn't mean I am saying be a stalker and follow her everywhere. I am seeing to be a friend. I am saying to be nice to her.

 

Duly noted. That's what he has been doing and she her answer is no. Advising him to continue to do the same thing and hope for a different outcome is simply beyond silly. He should have more self respect than to do such a thing. He deserve better than to play that role in hopes that she maybe will one day like him, especially when she already knows him and obviously doesn't want him.

You are arguing so adamantly because you are doing it for yourself, because you see your same situation and don't want to believe that maybe you have done things wrong, or could have done them better. That is what you are doing, and don't tell me different.

You see yourself when you see guys like this, just like I do. The difference is that I learned what I needed to learn through years of experiencing these very same situations, and from that experience I adapted appropriately and I now have someone I love who loves me, who doesn't have any excuses not to be with me.

I am here to help guys figure things out that I figured out, I am trying to help them gain the self respect and knowledge that I developed over the years, because I think they deserve happiness just I as did.

 

I am saying that when someone gets into your heart, you can't just move on. It takes time. So as long as you still have those feelings, you aren't going to be able to move on.

 

Of course you have feelings. You don't need to explain that to me. In my past I have cried my heart out because a girl I fell for didn't want me back. It was devastating. No one is asking anyone to suddenly say, "Hey, I don't like her anymore!". Instead we are trying to show him that the person isn't interested, and that the correct move would first be to understand that she has given her answer. She has given her answer and now is the time to respect her decision. The next part would be to have enough self respect to no longer persue a goal beyond the other persons decision to not move forward. You should respect yourself enough to realize you should not be wasting your time hoping that she will change her mind. Respect her decision, respect yourself. Once these have been accomplished it is a lot easier to move on, and a hellova lot easier to move on once you accept her answer rather than to keep filling the persons head with hope beyond her rejection. It's disrespectful to her decision and it's disrespectful to yourself. Great job in advising that though...

 

I've told the story before. My best friends father said from the moment that he met his wife, that they would be together and she was the only one for him. She didn't go for him at first, they were only friends. They drifted away. He didn't become a stalker, but he didn't lose hope in the one girl. Story goes that he was even going to join a monastery rather then meet someone else. Eventually they reunited and got married. Hope and persistance paid off. Following your heart and not your head paid off. And this is real life, not a movie.

 

Just assuming that this story is true and not exaggerated, we still don't have much detail at all. Besides the fact that we really know nothing about what really happened beyond this summary, it is also a completey different situation. Using this vague story as leverage to some point is silly.

 

My brother once broke up with a girl when she cheated on him. Actions clearly say she isn't interested. But in his heart he wasn't ready to come to terms with it. He cried. He had periods where he blamed himself. He had periods where he blamed her. And he had periods where he thought they would still end up together. He needed to go through all of that. He needed, for at least some time, to believe that it wasn't over. He needed it to help him grieve. He needed it to help him through the emotional turmoil he was going through. But gradually, time proved once again to heal the wounds. He was able to get over her and move on, but first he needed to hold onto the relationship for awhile. It provided him a bit of hope in an otherwise dark time in his life.

 

So your brother had a hard time getting over a girl who cheated on him, but time healed the wounds and he did. Okay thanks for the story but back on to the topic...

 

Same applies to me and my girl. She tried to run away and say we should just be friends. From your advice I should have forgot about her and moved on. In fact, that might have even been logical. But I couldn't do it because my love for her was too strong. So I keep in mind that I did love her and I did want to be with her. I was her friend, but there was never any question as to my true feelings for her. And incredibly enough, this being stuck in the so called "friends zone" thing was tossed aside.

 

The friendzone was tossed aside? So you're officially boyfriend and girlfriend?

 

Do friends engage in massive amounts of flirting?

 

Yes.

 

Do friends spend the night cuddling together?

 

I've talked to guys that this has happened to, yes.

 

Does a girl that just wants to be friends give a guy his first kiss or say she loves him?

 

In what context was the "I love you"? Friends love friends, but is she "in love" with you? Do you know this? Does her actions support this? Meaning, are you guys official? Why not?

 

I was persistent. I would even say I was stubborn. And I benefitted from it.

 

You should quit using your situation like you have a girlfriend when she has not accepted the invitation to become exclusive. She knows you want her but she has not become your girlfriend. You keep acting like this half-a-relationship is a real one. Talk about how you succeeded when she and you have become officially together, because for all we know, you are nothing more than a temporary solution to her singleness. You flatter her, you are always there for her, you play with her, you do all the stuff you can to be a real relationship, but it isn't there yet.

 

I hope it does work out for you, I really do. I hope yet another guy doesn't have to go through all of that to have it fall short of what they wanted in the end. But at the same time you are the one at fault because you took it down this road of indecision and confusion.

If you do end up together then you could have also done it another way, a way that does not compromise who you are, does not change who you are, but would have helped you get the same result without the confusion and delays.

 

I've come to the point though that I am starting not to believe you either. You have tried so hard to set yourself apart from almost everyone else when giving advice that you have become emershed in this role of opposition that I think you will say whatever you can whether it be true or exaggerated to make a point. The story of your girlfriend on this thread was painted a whole lot prettier than when you discussed it before which leads me to conclude either suddenly you two made new advances or you are painting it out to look better simply to further your side of the debate.

[dancingmsg]

DiggityDogg my friend, to be honest, i think you are being too harsh on ShySoul...i am sure he could use some encourges rather than discourages...after all... he has been so deeply drawn into this and seems at least he is happy now....it does not matter why he got into this and who is responsible for it....it is life....so please....

 

ShySoul....i truly admire your persistence...and more importantly...the deep feelings that you have toward that girl and your willingness to stick to it no matter what the outcome might be....however....i do think that you should at least keep your door open for some other luckier girl....for the better of you and her....you know, they used to say...you should not put all the eggs in one basket....and we all know....the happiness of life is far more precious than some eggs....

 

Again, from my point of view, persistence is only for girl who really likes me in a way that love can be nurtured....not for girl who thinks that i am a nice guy and she should not tell me directly that she does not feel the same as i do.....what i need is someone who loves me and beloved by me.....a heart broken one girl can be fixed by another girl....with true love....

 

Also, i never believed that in the world of love, a person's mind can be changed.....if you don't like a girl/man at the beginning....i don't think there will be much chance you will like her/him that way later....this biological coding thing...i don't think it can be changed....you need something at least a tiny little thing to begin with....

 

back to my own situation....the reason i was being persistent is that i knew for sure that she at least like me that way....otherwise she would never go out with me in the first place...not to mention the second and third...absolutely not...unfortunately... for some reason we did not connect stronly in our first date....but it's getting better i think....it might work out...might not...as DiggityDogg pointed out....going out is not "exclusive dating"...or not "official".....but something is there....i can even tell people at work who knows our going-out thing think us as couple...and told me she likes me....(i hardly know those people and they are not my friends either)...i never told anybody....(just don't like to be a topic of office gossip)....she did....and i am sure that she did not tell them there is no future between us...otherwise those people won't act that way....and this girl would not respond to me that way....the only thing is...i think....she did not have very high interest level on me....and i happen to be somone (who DiggityDogg might sneer at) who is willing to work on push that level up ..... to the sky.... as long as i know what i am doing and know i am far away from get a restraining order ;-)

 

DiggityDogg, i think it might be a good chapter to add on to your guide....encourage guys following their heart...after all....love relationship need something passionate....something that was not generated from a 5 hours meditation....but meanwhile....tell them put a thinking leash on that following-heart enthusiam....just to be safe....for both follower and followed...

[Dating Coach]

DiggityDogg my friend, to be honest, i think you are being too harsh on ShySoul...

 

No I am not. For one, ShySoul has never once admitted being wrong about anything since I started coming here, and from PM's from a few others who have been here longer than I, this trend did not start when I arrived. Secondly, ShySoul is so quick to be harsh and pass judgement on others regarding things he knows absolutely nothing about, so some simple questions and point disecting is not being too harsh on him.

 

the only thing is...i think....she did not have very high interest level on me....and i happen to be somone (who DiggityDogg might sneer at) who is willing to work on push that level up ..... to the sky.

 

Why would I sneer at such a thing? As long as her interest level is high enough for her to be willing to see where your relationship leads then why not see where it leads. In such a situation it is not a good idea to become much more attached than that person is though, otherwise you are setting yourself up for some major hurt.

 

DiggityDogg, i think it might be a good chapter to add on to your guide....encourage guys following their heart...after all....love relationship need something passionate....something that was not generated from a 5 hours meditation....but meanwhile....tell them put a thinking leash on that following-heart enthusiam....just to be safe....for both follower and followed...

 

I don't think that is necessary because these guys are already following their heart, the problem is that they aren't understanding that the girls aren't interested. If that is her answer then the guy needs to respect her decision and move on. It's not always an easy thing, but it needs to be done. To continue to throw yourself at someone who has given you a "No" answer is disrespectful to them. To continue to make yourself available to someone that has already explained to you that they aren't interested is disrespectful to yourself and your life, unless you have moved on passed your romantic crush and are opening yourself up to new things.

 

If you were talking about something different, then I apologize.

[dancingmsg]

 

Why would I sneer at such a thing? As long as her interest level is high enough for her to be willing to see where your relationship leads then why not see where it leads. In such a situation it is not a good idea to become much more attached than that person is though, otherwise you are setting yourself up for some major hurt.

Agree....however....i think if a guy who contientious enough knowing that the leve of interest is not that high....he won't become much more attached into that girl....and will not get hurt.....i mean....at least i will not....the only thing is i think i have been persistent enough already.....now i want to find out if my hardworking is paid off or not....and i want to hear it from her directly and clearly....without any obscurity....then i will decide if i should move on....

 

meanwhile...i am open to any opportunity to meet other girls and i am completely ok with her opening up to other man.....better or worse than i am...as long as she is happy.....after all....what i always wanted to do is to bring the girl i like the happiness into her life and to enjoy watching her being happy....and i will be happy too.... so if she is happy with someone else....i have achieved my goal without sacrficing too much for her.....the only thing is....that poor guy has to take on the heavy duty and work on it ;-)

 

 

 

I don't think that is necessary because these guys are already following their heart, the problem is that they aren't understanding that the girls aren't interested.

 

Well, in that case, i would suggest to point it out how necessary to have "the talk" that you talked about. I think it is very important for people in a dating scene to understand where each man/woman stands. I remember when i said in one of my posts that i wanted to ask that girl about if there is a chance between us....someone else said i better not to...because it would become too drama....that is why i did not ask her in our third date and then i got back into confusion zone again....in fact i think i had great chance during that 3rd date to ask her flat out....but i missed that opportunity.....because i was not sure if that "talk" was justified ......

[Dating Coach]

As far as getting a straight answer... consider yourself a lucky man if you get one. Most of the time a girl doesn't feel comfortable telling you flat out, "Hey, can't you tell I have no interest in dating you? Will you please leave me alone?" Or even if they first realize you like them and they don't like you, you would be lucky to get the straight answer of "Keith, I appreciate it that you are attracted to me, but there is no way we will go out because I am not interested." Most girls simply don't feel good about saying that. If you get one that does (I've had one or two in the past) then consider yourself extremely lucky. The problem is that guys with crushes tend to think that maybe if they do something different the girl will change her mind. No. Her mind is made up. Move on.

 

I know that coming from a guys perspective, we want to not only know what the answer is directly, but also why-which could be another reason why they don't want to get into it and hope that you pick up the hint. Coming from a womans perspective it is much easier to not return your affections and hope you get the hint rather than straight up telling you off. It's not easier for you, but it is easier for her.

The solution is simple, her actions. Her actions speak the truth. If she knows she likes you and she in turn has romantic feelings for you, then she would not only be with you, but she would find time to be with you. If she isn't doing this, then she obviously isn't interested. At the very best she isn't interested in you much.

 

There are a ton of other women out there, and many who will share your same interest level.

[dancingmsg]

As far as getting a straight answer... consider yourself a lucky man if you get one.

i don't agree with you....as you told me in PM....if i go ask her if she thinks there is a chance between us....then if she says "yes"...we know she is willing to work with me to see that chance....anything else would be a "no"....why is it hard to get an answer?....i think this is bullet proof...better than grinding your mind trying to fingure out what does she mean by her action....don't forget....we men are still trying to figure out "what women want"....if we can figure out by observing their action....it won't be a question any more....

 

people often do things that does not make sense.....like someone suggested that the girl might just being bored....so she went out with me again....that does not make sense to me in action....if she's not interested...why she wants to get me involved into complicated situation?....just to give me a restraining order later?.....i am sure that Annie24 did not do that to that guy who came to her door all the time.....then why this girl accepted my two invitations on the phone?....keeping me calling her to boost her ego?.....and yet i am still uncertain about her interest level....action does not work in my case....who knows....

 

Coming from a womans perspective it is much easier to not return your affections and hope you get the hint rather than straight up telling you off. It's not easier for you, but it is easier for her.

That is exactly why we need to have "the talk" and encourage women to talk to us. They need to take some pressure too.

 

There are a ton of other women out there, and many who will share your same interest level.

what if you miss the best one....grass on the other side of mountain is not always greener.....my life philosophy....don't let any opportunity slip out of your hand....until you know you can not have it....

[Dating Coach]

i don't agree with you....as you told me in PM....if i go ask her if she thinks there is a chance between us....then if she says "yes"...we know she is willing to work with me to see that chance....anything else would be a "no"....why is it hard to get an answer?....i think this is bullet proof...better than grinding your mind trying to fingure out what does she mean by her action....don't forget....we men are still trying to figure out "what women want"....if we can figure out by observing their action....it won't be a question any more....

 

You've lost me. I thought I knew what you were talking about but you've got me really confused. I am not telling you not to ask her straight up, I am just saying that you are a lucky guy if you get a direct "No there is no chance" answer from her. Only about 1 or 2 out of maybe 10-15 girls have been that forward with me. Usually it's an excuse like "I am just not ready for a relationship right now", or "I'm just toobusy for a relationship..." or something similar to that. As far as asking her, by all means, do it. I am not telling you that you shouldn't.

 

 

people often do things that does not make sense.....like someone suggested that the girl might just being bored....so she went out with me again....that does not make sense to me in action....if she's not interested...why she wants to get me involved into complicated situation?....just to give me a restraining order later?.....i am sure that Annie24 did not do that to that guy who came to her door all the time.....then why this girl accepted my two invitations on the phone?....keeping me calling her to boost her ego?.....and yet i am still uncertain about her interest level....action does not work in my case....who knows....

 

I don't think this girl is going to put a restraining order on you, and neither do you. I think Annie was making a point that it does happen because some guys simply do not take a hint and do not give up.

 

As far as going out with you even though she is not interested... it happens. It's happened to me several times. Girls who weren't interested in me yet knew I liked them would still hang out and do stuff. I was fun. It didn't mean they liked me, and I know this because they never changed their mind.

 

That is exactly why we need to have "the talk" and encourage women to talk to us. They need to take some pressure too.

 

I'm not disagreeing with you but good luck on getting that to happen. You'll be working a full time job. haha!

 

what if you miss the best one....grass on the other side of mountain is not always greener.....my life philosophy....don't let any opportunity slip out of your hand....until you know you can not have it....

 

Dancing, no doubt this girl is great, but don't tell me she is the best one out there. There are a ton of great women out there if you give them a chance.

I understand what you are saying about an opportunity missed, but at what point do you realize that if someone wanted to be with you, they would? How long does it have to take? How much time do you have to spend on the side lines waiting for a decision? At what point do you say, "Hey, I am a great guy, I deserve better than this! I deserve more than to sit here and wait for this girl to decide if I am good enough! If she can't see what a great guy I am then maybe I am too good for her!"

 

Your solution is simple. Go ask her what you want to ask, then come back here and post the results. We're here to help.

[dancingmsg]

You've lost me. I thought I knew what you were talking about but you've got me really confused. I am not telling you not to ask her straight up, I am just saying that you are a lucky guy if you get a direct "No there is no chance" answer from her. Only about 1 or 2 out of maybe 10-15 girls have been that forward with me. Usually it's an excuse like "I am just not ready for a relationship right now", or "I'm just too busy for a relationship..." or something similar to that. As far as asking her, by all means, do it. I am not telling you that you shouldn't.

 

Sorry i confused you....What i meant was....after telling the girl that you want to know the answer to make a decision....Anything other than "YES" would be "NO"....i.e.....black or white...no gray in middle.....if she gives gray....consider it black....and go find other wonderful girls who will give you a "yes" answer.....and let her know you take gray as black....that's what i am going to do ..... and i think any guys in similar situation need to consider doing so.....

[dancingmsg]

Dancing, no doubt this girl is great, but don't tell me she is the best one out there. There are a ton of great women out there if you give them a chance.

I understand what you are saying about an opportunity missed, but at what point do you realize that if someone wanted to be with you, they would? How long does it have to take? How much time do you have to spend on the side lines waiting for a decision? At what point do you say, "Hey, I am a great guy, I deserve better than this! I deserve more than to sit here and wait for this girl to decide if I am good enough! If she can't see what a great guy I am then maybe I am too good for her!"

What i was trying to say is....don't give up easily....if there is slight hope....work on it.....of course not stubbornly.....but don't always think there will be better one out there....the one in front of you might be hard to pursue....but nothing is easy...it is just my attitude about life and work.....do your best this moment now...dream about tomorrow later....you don't want to leave a string of "what if" regrets on the road in your life.....i know i don't....

 

Also, the definition for "best" to each person will change over the time....it is tied to your own situation.....your age, you career, your knowledge, your attitude toward life etc....you can not rule out the possibility that you might have to settle down with somebody who before you would not consider....yet she/he is the "best" at the time you are out of choices..... why not pursue every chance presented to you at this moment....otherwise you might end up with worse choice tomorrow....even if there might be tons of wonderul girls out there ....they might....simply...not be the choices for you at all.....