how often do you call the girl u are dating/wanna be called

[dancingmsg]

ok, here is the question for you dating experts...at early stage of dating....for male...how often do you usually call....for female...how often do you want to be called....does the frequency of calls really matter?....what if i don't have much to say?.... i mean any conversational tips... thank yall

[Beec]

First, I think how often one calls depends on the two people. Some people may want more and some less.

 

Early on, I've called about once or twice a week. I call once to ask and set up the date, then a second time to mkae sure the details are ironed out. If I iron out the details on the first call, there may not be another call. I try to make it so most of our intereaction is face to face.

 

If she begins to call me more often, I will call her more.

[DiscipleOfChange]

Beec sounds like he's got a good strategy. I'd agree that once or twice a week is a good idea to start with. Anything more could easily come off as pushy. The last thing you want to do is rush things or push limits at an early stage. Take things delicately.

[lillady898]

This depends on the individual. For instance, I absolutely do not like talking on the phone. It just bores me and I think conversations are more effective when in person. Many of my friends, however, can talk on the phone for any number of hours. Casually ask her in a conversation if she's a big phone person with her friends or whomever. That may give you a general idea of how often she likes to talk on the phone, if at all.

 

Don't worry about what to say. Telephone conversations are more difficult than face-to-face conversations. You don't have the environment around you to spark conversation topics. Ask questions. If you are genuinely interested in her life and show that, she will likely become more interested in your life as well. Eventually, after spending more time together and experiencing new things together, conversation will come naturally. Until then, ask questions, which will ultimately lead you into new conversations. What can you ask? Ask her about her day. Ask what she does for fun. Ask what movies she likes. Ask about her family, her friends, pets. Ask anything you'd like to know within boundries (no touchy or overly-personal subjects).

 

Have fun!

[Dating Coach]

During the dating stages, the phone should be used to set up dates and such, not to spend all of your time talking. If you want to talk, do it in person. To set that up, use the phone.

[cinderelly]

i don't like talking on the phone much. but i do catch myself checking the phone often just to see if he did call.

[dancingmsg]

all right, seems it's time for me to reduce my phone calls ;-) ..... thought it would show that i care for her and think of her from time to time....but i was worrying about being clingy and now you guys confirmed my worries .... thanks

[Dating Coach]

all right, seems it's time for me to reduce my phone calls ;-) ..... thought it would show that i care for her and think of her from time to time....but i was worrying about being clingy and now you guys confirmed my worries .... thanks

 

You don't need to call her on the phone to show her you care for her. Just relax and quit trying to prove this. Just do what you want to do. If you are a good person then she will know. It doesn't take effort unless you really aren't a good person.

[ShySoul]

all right, seems it's time for me to reduce my phone calls ..... thought it would show that i care for her and think of her from time to time....but i was worrying about being clingy and now you guys confirmed my worries .... thanks

 

Calling does show you care. Every girl wants to know that they are appreciated and being thought of. You can do this in many ways, but a simple phone call to say hi and that you are thinking of her is one of the easiest ways. Honestly, what is so wrong about taking 5 minutes of your time just to call her? If you were calling every hour or 6 times a day, that might be considered clingy. But otherwise, you have nothing to worry about.

 

Try reversing roles for a minute. If she was to call you just to say she was thinking of you, wouldn't you be flattered? Same applies here. Show her that you care. Forget rules, forget what others say you should or shouldn't do. Just do what you feel is right. If you want to call, then pick up the phone and call. The person who knows your relationship best is you, you are the only one who knows how it is going. So just listen to your heart. Call when you feel like it, she'll like it and it in no way means you are being clingy.

[Dating Coach]

A little call to say you were thinking about your significant other is sweet. But someone you just started dating... no. It's clingy, needy, and it is coming on too strong too fast. I learned that the hard way and was dumped for it about 4 years ago. I didn't understand why then, but I understand it now.

[FCTex]

For someone I just met. I make the call, I keep it short, I say Hi, ask how the day is going, and simply ask for a date, make some plans, laugh a little and I excuse myself from the conversation, and I don't usually call for any other reason until the date.

 

Someone I've seen a few dates, I might call to say hi, and to make plans, or to cancel plans.. I dont usually call to just say HI.. I save the conversations for personal meetings. You dont want to give away too much, through something so impersonal.

 

 

If the women call me, to see whats up. I'll chat, but not for long. I always excuse myself after around 10-20 minutes.

 

If I havent been on a date with someone for a while, or I feel like they are getting distant. I might give them a call or a text, Usually a call. I'll see how they are doing, small talk them for a minute, and catch their feeling of the contact, and I'll inquire about meeting up some time. I might usually leave it open ended for them to make the plans, if they are intrested. I basically though some intrest out there and see what comes back from it.

[dancingmsg]

all right. i think we got quite a lot of good ideas here. i guess that i will try to call about

twice a week, one say hi, the second set up the date. yeap, i will take the middle of road without going too extreme. thank you all my friends

[ShySoul]

. I learned that the hard way and was dumped for it about 4 years ago. I didn't understand why then, but I understand it now.

 

How often was the calls? It's possible to over do it, or it could be that she was being too picky and the calls had nothing to really do with it.

 

The problem isn't in how often you call, its in the intent and motivation. It's in thinking you have to follow some magical guidelines of when to call. Just follow your heart, it knows what is best.

 

And coming from the opposite end of the spectrum.... call her! Call her when you want. Call to let you know you care. Doesn't matter how long you have been dating, if you guys are comfortable talking on the phone a lot, just go for it.

[Dating Coach]

How often was the calls? It's possible to over do it, or it could be that she was being too picky and the calls had nothing to really do with it.

 

Once/day I guess... and then I tried to chat her head off. I was doing what I wanted to do because I really liked her. The problem was that my interest level was way above hers and instead of playing it cool until her interest level was on par with mine, I "followed my heart" and drove her away. I came on way too fast and strong for her tastes. There really was no reason for me to do this. If I wanted to chat I could easily have done so on an actual date, but instead I used the phone to keep in contact with her because I missed her. It was way too much, much too soon.

[dancingmsg]

you know, DiggityDogg, i did that not long ago....you are probably right that once/day is way too strong too soon....

 

however....what are other ways to show your affection on her....i mean if you meet only once a week....what would be the best way to do it.....some guys...like me...are kind of shy....sometimes you just can not stand the face-to-face pressure....i mean it happens....your brains goes blank....

 

also...at least i am thinking....you want your girl to know that you are thinking of her all the time....i mean....is there any problem for doing so....

 

Let's keep this topic going.....DiggityDogg...it might be another good section for your dating guide....because it is critical for moving the relationship forward without doing damage....after all we have seen some guys complain about this type of situation

[Beec]

also...at least i am thinking....you want your girl to know that you are thinking of her all the time....i mean....is there any problem for doing so....

 

Yes, there may be a problem. If you are totally infatuated with her, but she is not with you, then her knowing that you feel this way maybe, probably would be, a problem. If you are gushing about your emotions for her, and they are not shared, then you will probably see her running away from you.

 

If you feel like this for her, then the important thing would be that she feel the same way, right? If each of you feels this way, you should be together for a while. If she does not, then she needs to change her feelings so that she does feel this way, in order for you to stick together.

 

My point is that if you like soemone and want them to stick around, then think about how they feel, not about jsut how do you express your feelings. Nothing wrong with how you feel, but try and let her feelings for you develop before you gush about how you feel.

[Dating Coach]

My point is that if you like soemone and want them to stick around, then think about how they feel, not about jsut how do you express your feelings. Nothing wrong with how you feel, but try and let her feelings for you develop before you gush about how you feel.

 

But then you are not being true to yourself!!!!

 

Joking. I agree 100%. If the person doesn't have the same interest level as you, and you thow yourself at them, then you risk chasing them off and they may never return. If you sense that they aren't on the same page as you, demonstrate control. Control your feelings. It's not wrong to feel like that for someone, but if they aren't there yet for you then best to relax and let things flow naturally.

[dancingmsg]

also...at least i am thinking....you want your girl to know that you are thinking of her all the time....i mean....is there any problem for doing so....

 

Yes, there may be a problem. If you are totally infatuated with her, but she is not with you, then her knowing that you feel this way maybe, probably would be, a problem. If you are gushing about your emotions for her, and they are not shared, then you will probably see her running away from you.

 

If you feel like this for her, then the important thing would be that she feel the same way, right? If each of you feels this way, you should be together for a while. If she does not, then she needs to change her feelings so that she does feel this way, in order for you to stick together.

 

My point is that if you like soemone and want them to stick around, then think about how they feel, not about jsut how do you express your feelings. Nothing wrong with how you feel, but try and let her feelings for you develop before you gush about how you feel.

 

Beec, what you said makes senses. But i have some questions....what if the girl is shy and does not really express her feelings?...How do we know if she feels the same way about us?....or simply she is not that interested....I mean how do you guys tell if a girl is interested but shy or just not interested but being nice to you

 

I have this problem with the girl i am pursuing....it took me long time and lots of efforts to move the ball forward just that little bit...DiggityDogg knows what i am talking about....she admitted the other day that she is very shy....in fact she rejected me couple of times in a roll....should i consider her as not that interested or just being shy and likes being chased?

[ShySoul]

Ok, every thought it was the girl and not you? Different people have different reactions. You said you were too fast for HER TASTES. Doesn't mean everyone else's tastes will be the same or that one a day is too much in all circumstances. It could be too little for her tastes.

 

I met a girl online. We weren't even dating, although the was mutual attraction right away. We would spend hours a night, every night chatting from the night we first met. We would talk online, on the phone, some nights both. And instead of it causing problems or appearing clingy or desperate, we both wished we could spend more time together. I counted the hours til I could talk to her again. She wanted to hear from me, she wanted me to call and talk with her. So calling everday was a good thing.

 

dancingmsg, I'm incredible shy. I know how scary the presure can be. If you can't see her often, you do want her know you are thinking of her. And a simple phone call is the easiest way to do that. Just knowing that someone cares enough to be thinking about you, that touches the heart and soul. Talk to her online. If you can't get in touch with her, send her a quick email to say hi. Find an ecard that says "thinking off you." Yes, there are other ways to show you care, but without physically being there, its limited. And the other romantic ideas I have would be too much too fast, especially if you think a phone call is too much.

 

In case she isn't feeling the same, that's why you don't get too mushy with it. That is why you keep it friendly instead of love poems all the time. But don't overthink. Let things happen as they happen. If you want to call, forget the rules and just call. Follow that heart, it will lead you on the right path. Otherwise you run the risk of overthinking things and that is just as likely to hurt any chance with her. None of us knows your relationship. Only you know in your heart what you should do. If you want to call, call. If you really like her, it is best to get it out on the table so everyone knows where they stand. Trying to play it cool won't work, cause you are just as likely to drive yourself crazy wondering when shes going to change her mind and when the method is going to pay off. If you are freaking out over phone calls, you'll be freaking out waiting for her, just dying to say how you feel. So its best to just say what you feel when you feel it. If she doesn't feel the same, at least you know. Unless shes a jerk, she'll be nice about saying she doesn't feel like that. Things may be strange then, but it will work itself out for the best. And isn't it better to know then to constantly wonder and worry?

[Dating Coach]

Ok, every thought it was the girl and not you? Different people have different reactions. You said you were too fast for HER TASTES. Doesn't mean everyone else's tastes will be the same or that one a day is too much in all circumstances. It could be too little for her tastes.

 

You're backtracking. We already covered this. If her interest level isn't on par with yours, then you should not go charging ahead with your emotions because you will likely chase her away. If she is incredibly infatuated with you and you are incredibly infatuated with her, then you could probably be perfectly fine talking on the phone together 24 hours straight.

 

Still, different people have different thresholds, and even with someone who is as into you as you are them, you may be able to overdo it still. They might be able to reach the same level as you as far as lovey dovey stuff, but they might not be able to take as much as you. It's always best to show a little control and pay attention to your partner.

[dancingmsg]

Shysoul, what you said is actually what I did...after couple of rejections...i still tried to contact this girl once or twice a week....either email or phone call....but i tried self-control without going too far....

 

the only thing is that the girl you talked about actually wants you to call her and talk to her everyday...but mine is more obscure....i can not really tell and don't know what to do....which adds a lot more pressure....although many poeple would probably say....cut her off and move on....zero tolerance....but i was always thinking "what if she is shy"....and now she admitted...yet i am still confused how much i should do to maintain this relationship....i am 100% sure that we can not have a good relationship if i am the only person who does the work....

 

it's weird.....i was shy and maybe she is too (if what she told me was true)....now i just become not shy because i would call her, email her and try to set up dates and then was told she can't do it.....then i have to reschedule and do it again from scratch....

 

see this is really the hardest part...when two shy people meet....the girl does not want to express her true feelings or even play it cool....and the guy can not over do it because otherwise he is giving up the control....all you genius out there can you think of any good idea?.....

[annie24]

In the early stages of dating, I like to be called 1-2 times a week.... preferably 2. More than that to me is just going too fast. Less than that indicates to me that he isn't that interested.

 

But I really don't like talking on the phone, except for maybe 10 minutes to catch up and make plans to meet. Dates are for long conversations, I feel.

[annie24]

see this is really the hardest part...when two shy people meet....the girl does not want to express her true feelings or even play it cool....and the guy can not over do it because otherwise he is giving up the control....all you genius out there can you think of any good idea?.....

 

I dunno... you can only coax people out of their shell so much. Meet her in person, make her feel comfortable, go out with her during the day, to get lunch or to go to the zoo. If she's really shy, try to start out as friends first. Just make her feel comfortable around you - don't pressure her to do something that she doesn't want to do. But, like I said, there is only so much coaxing you can do for a shy person. You are not their therapist - don't force her to explain to you what her inner issues are. Furthermore, it is possible that she is not as interested as you hope she is.

 

But, I personally don't have much tolerance for shy men. If he doesn't have the guts to call me up and ask me out, he clearly isn't a good match for me and my lifestyle, and is thereforeeee, not a good match.

[Dating Coach]

Beec, what you said makes senses. But i have some questions....what if the girl is shy and does not really express her feelings?...How do we know if she feels the same way about us?....or simply she is not that interested....I mean how do you guys tell if a girl is interested but shy or just not interested but being nice to you

 

I have this problem with the girl i am pursuing....it took me long time and lots of efforts to move the ball forward just that little bit...DiggityDogg knows what i am talking about....she admitted the other day that she is very shy....in fact she rejected me couple of times in a roll....should i consider her as not that interested or just being shy and likes being chased?

 

For one, it's not a good habit to start making excuses for someone. I'm not saying that you are doing this, but it is a bad habit that some people have.

Sometimes people don't express their feelings for reasons other than being shy. Sometimes people will use shyness as an excuse for their actions. It depends on the person and the situation.

 

What about your situation?

 

The question is, how much do you deserve to put up with? How long do you think you should sit there and wonder what is really going on in her head? How long are you going to chase her and her answer?

There comes a point when you need to look at the situation and say, "Do I deserve this? Do I need to put up with this? How much can I put up with?"

[dancingmsg]

see, what annie24 said is exactly happening in many places...i clearly remember just read a post not long ago some lady said she will not contact the guy and let the guy do the chase....that's makes this hard...and i can understand...for some girls....the persistence from guy shows that he is not a player.....and without doubt....it makes the girl feel good