COLLEGE......wow i'm torn

[candieeeegirl]

hi everyone, i just started college....and i feel like a whole new world has opened up for me. Even tho i want to fall in love (ive never been in love before) and be blown away by one special person and be in a commited relationship, part of me want to just be able to fool around with hot guys with no strings attached....so i'm torn as i really dunno what i want....there is this guy that is expressing interest in a relationship with me, but i am not sure if i want to go for it cuz i am commitment phobic...im scared of the feeling of being tied down....but on the other hand, i want to experience love...what do u guys think i should do? should i avoid getting exclusive and just have fun? cuz i honestly dont know.....

[FCTex]

If you don't know, then certainly no one else can tell you how to feel..

 

If you are so unsure of it, don't lead someone along. Your 18 years old... Your young, and perhaps, you could be ready to settle on someone, but you wont ever know until you try.

 

Be honest with yourself, and be honest with the other people at hand..

 

Keep in mind, while it's great fun to experiment and be free to "roam" in college.. Being careful not to hurt yourself is key.. Have respect for yourself, and you'll gain that from guys that come before you...

 

If your questioning a relationship, and call yourself a commitment phobe, then why question a relationship? You've never been in love, because you've never allowed yourself to get to that point I think...

[Dre_7]

hi everyone, i just started college....and i feel like a whole new world has opened up for me. Even tho i want to fall in love (ive never been in love before) and be blown away by one special person and be in a commited relationship, part of me want to just be able to fool around with hot guys with no strings attached....so i'm torn as i really dunno what i want....there is this guy that is expressing interest in a relationship with me, but i am not sure if i want to go for it cuz i am commitment phobic...im scared of the feeling of being tied down....but on the other hand, i want to experience love...what do u guys think i should do? should i avoid getting exclusive and just have fun? cuz i honestly dont know.....

 

I guess what you're feeling is normal, alot of people our age just want to fool around. I think to each his own, or her own, although I don't necessarily agree with the whole idea of "fooling around." It's all about instant gratification, and the only long term benefits are bragging rights, which won't mean anything in a few years.

Nevertheless, do what you want and determine the right path in college for you. Just keep two things in mind, For every action there is an equal and opposite REaction (i.e. everything you do will have consequences) and also, NEVER at any cost lead anybody on. If you know a guy who wants to date you, but you don't want that..let him know. I hope you're happy with whatever choice you make though

[passions1]

It's understandable that you want to meet that special guy & experience that "love" however, that would require a relationship. If you are not interested in this guy, then do not have a relationship with him. Otherwise, if you still want to get to know him there is nothing wrong with seeing & dating him & seeing what ends up.

 

Even though you consider yourself commit-phobic, that is also a way to remain single forever. By not opening yourself up to also experiencing the dynamics of joys of being in love & also feeling comfortable enough to take the risk of feeling the pain that comes along with it as well.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet all kinds of guys, but at the same time, do it in a manner that won't allow you to develop a bad rep among the guys. B/c that can possibly hurt you in the future if you would like to have a special relationship with a specific guy later on.

[slayer]

ok, i didnt have to read your entire post in order to know what to tell you. If by fool around you mean have lots and lots of sex, then dont do it, lol. Because that will be what you will be known as, and then all you will ever be is just an object. Now, if by fool around you mean to not take anything serious and sorta date more than one person, i think you should go for it, and see where your relationships go from there. Im sure that when you find someone you want to stay with you will be more than happy to give up fooling around.

[DiscipleOfChange]

This is a call you alone can make. Personally, I wouldn't be the type to enjoy the "fooling around" you talk about. I'm commitment oriented. I don't judge people who choose to fool around and enjoy themselves, I just think of myself as the type who would be dedicated to one woman. Some important points have been mentioned in previous comments which I'll note below:

 

1.) PLEASE..for the love of God...don't lead a guy on. If he's dropped hints that he's interested and you don't feel the same and aren't interested in spending time figuring out if you might feel the same, let the guy know upfront.

 

2.) If you aren't comfortable with the idea of a relationship, don't enter into one. At the same time however, be sure you're not passing up something you could enjoy because you've never tried it before.

 

3.) Seeing someone on a number of occasions and dating them doesn't necessarily mean a relationship, rather figuring out what might end up. Although, it's important the guy understands how you feel because a guy could interpret your interest in seeing him as serious emotional interest

[Caldus]

It's all about instant gratification.

 

Too bad that gratification is usually replaced by the desire for more instant gratification or replaced by eventual emptiness.

 

In the end though it's a personal choice. You know better than anyone else what you want even if you aren't sure what you want. Analyze your own motives for performing either option and go from there.

[candieeeegirl]

a number of u mentioned do not lead a guy on....if i date several guys at once in order to figure out which one i'd eventually like to end up with, does that equal leading them on/stringing them along?

if i be honest and tell them im not interested in a relationship and that im commitment phobic, then wouldn't i be screwing myself if i change my mind after fooling around that im ready for a relationship?

[Dre_7]

a number of u mentioned do not lead a guy on....if i date several guys at once in order to figure out which one i'd eventually like to end up with, does that equal leading them on/stringing them along?

if i be honest and tell them im not interested in a relationship and that im commitment phobic, then wouldn't i be screwing myself if i change my mind after fooling around that im ready for a relationship?

 

I've never seen a relationship that started with fooling around bloom into real love. That's like putting the horse before the carriage. You're only screwing yourself if you contradict yourself and can't stick to your decisions. Then you're creating problems within you own mind and other people's minds. Isn't it better to be honest with someone to protect their feelings than to hurt them by being uncertain of yourself? You might think that you're keeping your options open, the guys will think you're just playing around.

 

If you "date" several guys at once on a non-committed basis, I think that's okay. But why don't you just take things casually, and hang out with the guys to see who you click with. No need to get too formal too early.

 

I think you're really confused as to which route to take...I'm going to tell you one thing that I hope really helps...Do the right thing, do what feels right in our mind and your heart. Think about your ideals and values, think about the kind of person you want to be, now and in the future. Weigh your decision heavily on these things.

[Caldus]

if i date several guys at once in order to figure out which one i'd eventually like to end up with, does that equal leading them on/stringing them along?

 

I believe you are a confused girl when it comes to the world of dating so I have this doubt in my mind that you are even ready to date someone.

 

Something you need to know about dating/relationships is that you never truly know someone until you have known them for quite a while. Sometimes even longer than that (sometimes never!). There will certainly be guys out there that will lead you on or lie in some way in order to take advantage of you. You will not be able to truly know who would be right for you by going on a few dates with each guy.

 

I also think you shouldn't 'look' specifically for a relationship or to fool around. Just get to know people and let nature take its course from there. Only thing you need to do is to keep yourself from getting hurt by being consistent with your beliefs and values for each of your actions.