Why

[SomeGuy112]

Ok so I had a crush I guess on this girl a while back. Almost a year ago actually. I never really asked her out or anything. I coulda sworn at the time that we flirted a lot but I guess not. I sure tried. Well nothing came of it. I was never sure if she had liked me at a point or not. So now I found someone else that I like, and I really think likes me back. But that old girl did too. And I have to admit I was really jealous at first. Anyway I was talking to he later, and she keeps talking about how much she really likes this kid. I asked her if she ever noticed I liked her and she said yes. It wasn't a weird question I don't think, the opportunity offered itself cuz she said something that normally means we're just friends. So I asked that and then asked if she thinks I still like her and she said no which is good. But she also said stuff like she wasn't as flirty with me because our conversations were always more serious (true we talked about some serious stuff but I thought that she was just a deeper girl...). So a lot of stuff is just going through my head. Did she never like me in the least, what's this other guy got that I don't. He's not AMAZING looking or anything and I'm definitely not bad looking. He does do drugs and drink and stuff but she doesn't! Am I really that bad at interpreting stuff to think there was even a chance she liked me? What did I do wrong. Am I being too confident about this other girl? What if she doesn't really like me. I've never been so certain a girl likes me, but god...that definitely does a number on my confidence. And I have to admit, I'm jealous of the girl herself. She's much younger than me and she just got her first kiss and stuff, and I guess because at one point I was hoping that would be me I am feeling awkward about it. Or maybe it's how she was talking about it I don't know.

 

 

Ok so there are really a few things I am posting this for lol:

 

How do I deal with jealousy like that? I know it goes away but I feel like a bad person just for having it. It also makes me question my own feelings. I've never had intense emotions for anyone, but this makes me wonder if I really like the girl I claim I like now or if I still like the old girl. Even though I had sort of forgotten about the old girl, and whereas I used to wait to talk to her daily (it was online but she IMed me every day when we first met) I don't really care if we go a month without talking now. It just really makes me think. I know I WANT to like the other girl, but how does one know these things.

 

It also makes me wonder why she didn't like me. Ok when you talk to a girl and you don't seem to click that's fine I understand. However, I thought I really hit it off with her. I mean even if she didn't like me I KNOW she loved to talk to me. I also know she didn't like anyone else at the time. And again, I'm not bad looking. Just what is it that's making her CRAZY about this guy, and not about me?

 

Last, does just the fact that someone is attracted back help the attraction? I mean with ashley, it definitely feels like that might have helped. Or maybe that's just what keeps coming to mine because I am too self conscious about my feelings and whether they are geniune? And if it is true, could that be a reason this other girl didn't like me?

 

 

Please keep in mind this is not a post because I want everything and I want the old girl and the new one or anything like that. I just want to understand my feelings a little better, gain a little insight into relationships, and learn to control my feelings. Thanks for any help.

[DiscipleOfChange]

Let me see if I can answer a few of your questions.

 

Just what is it that's making her CRAZY about this guy, and not about me?

 

Unfortunately, that's just the way it is sometimes. It could be a combination of factors from looks to personality and many other things. There's a great line which says "The heart has its reasons that reason cannot know"

 

How do I deal with jealousy like that? I know it goes away but I feel like a bad person just for having it.

 

Jealousy, at least initially and kept in check is not necessarily a problem Some othe guy was able to get what you wanted. It hurts and is incomprehensible but you get over it.

 

Last, does just the fact that someone is attracted back help the attraction?

 

Absolutely. In fact, in my opinion, there has to be mutual attraction from the get go. If there isn't and one person isn't even remotely interested, than they'll never agree to meet for coffee or dinner or whatever. So, Yes, mutual attraction not only helps, but is essential.

 

my feelings and whether they are geniune?

 

I know what you mean and I believe that true feelings develop over time. Feelings of love that is. At first, there is physical attraction, then you spend time with a girl and enjoy every minute of it and eventually, you feel love.

 

Hope this helps.