She could be gone forever...

[Expression]

So I've only gotten acquainted with this girl I've liked for almost a year, in the final half of the final semester, but I just haven't been able to get her contact details. She'll say hello to me, but I'm still just little more than "person-known-by-name".

 

The last week of the semester had approached and I was determined to get her details before it was too late. Boy, has it been disappointing.

 

On Monday, I hoped to intercept her walking home, but she took an unexpected detour and disappeared.

 

On Tuesday, she was walking with my other friend, but I caught up with them too late and never got to say much before our paths parted.

 

On Wednesday, she was in the lab class with me and I hoped to catch her for lunch when she left, but after taking a short call outside and coming back, she had already gone

 

On Thursday, I again hoped to intercept her walking home, yet this time she didn't leave right after the last lecture as I was expecting. So I stayed around the area waiting for her to walk down the path I know she does, but I never saw her come...

 

Friday's my last chance, and I'm not even sure she's turning up since there's really only one lecture

 

Goodness, I've never felt so down - and it's not useful when I need to be primed for studying for impending exams. I guess I just really like this one...

 

Getting her contact details is my last chance to stay in touch, otherwise she's gone forever just like that. Just an online contact or cell no. would make all the difference between me being so depressed and me being optimistic. *Sigh* I've hesitated for so long already, and when I've finally worked the courage, I'm just being hit with bad luck left, right and center

 

Just needed to get that out. Yeah, "you'll get over it", "plenty of other girls", etc. - I'm aware of all that. If I could get rid of these feelings, I so would. But I'm saturated with these feelings to the core and am just really intent on going after this one, if nothing, even to become a real friend. Comments, consolation, etc. welcome...

[Alabama]

Hey, I've been there. If I see a girl has no interest, than I at least want another good friend. I find the best way to get contact info, is to simply go up to them when you have the chance and ask. Is it possible to ask her before class or after? Because just waiting for her to show up at a certain spot won't neccesarily yield the results your hoping for. Hope you get the information to stay in contact with her! Good luck.

[Expression]

Thanks for the tip Alabama; well she was there on Friday, but she left the lecture early! And I had no clue where she would've gone (it's a big campus after all, and she looked like she had lots of tasks to do).

 

I hung around and meandered where she normally walks home during the afternoon, but alas, I never saw her. And I had drawn a little picture for her too

 

Well there goes the last week and day of the semester, and all I wanted was her contact details...

 

The exam period is my absolute last chance, but darn it, I had hoped to get her details before that, since "study questions" would've been an nice and easy reason to use.

 

*Sigh*

[Alabama]

Well, that happens. Sorry. I hope she's there at exam time! and hey at least you got to have met her. That's a good thing in of itself. Good luck.

[Expression]

So there happened to be a short exam tutorial on Monday, and being the diligent, responsible person I know she is, I expected her to be there - and of course, she was.

 

I saw her whilst in the library and she came to me after awhile to jot down some lecture notes off me she had missed. Perfect chance to get her details. But I was just so happy to be talking to her that it totally slipped my mind!

 

So after the tutorial, I hoped to see her walking home and I did, but in my haste I ended up ahead of her (to get to the path, I have to go through a shopping centre), so I went into a convenience store to get a drink. I came back out and realised she must've taken a detour again into the shopping centre.

 

Well, I waited awhile for her to emerge, but I never saw her come out. I eventually went in to look around, but by then it was already late and most of the stores had closed. She had probably been long gone already and I had no idea when and where...

 

*Sigh*

 

Gosh, I'm acting so irresponsibly when I need to be studying. Cupid's hitting me not with his arrow, but with his baseball bat - and at the worse possible time!

[Alabama]

Love can do that to you. You seem blind to everything else. I suggest try to pass her and talk to her when you still get the chance, and study if possible. I know it's hard, but you can do it.

[Expression]

Well I saw her at the first exam today, but being the exam period, everyone is just dropping in and out and not hanging around biding their time.

 

She did notice me prior to leaving the exam room and asked how it went as a passing comment before heading off.

 

Guess I'm at least more of an acquaintance than I was before, but it's such a shame that this acknowledgement is happening when there are like only a few days left. She has only begun to talk to me *outside* of course tasks, as opposed to before, when we'd only communicate within the course.

 

So I planned to hang back to study since I do so better, away from the distractions of home. Took a break at the nearby shopping centre first and was hastily leaving when she happened to come past and we both clumsily told each other we were (obviously) heading in different directions. How silly.

 

I walked off but decided to come back to see if she'd wanna grab something to eat but, as has been the norm, she had disappeared without a trace (even from the store she said she was going to; or was she?).

 

Why didn't I ask for her contact? *hits head on table for the umpteenth time*

 

Maybe they really do appear when you're not looking...

[Dregnought]

You know, its interesting. You seem to meet her outside in this centre more then any place else. Do you know one of her friends? ask them for details.

[Alabama]

I suggest asking her friends, too. Maybe then you'll be able to get contact info. and not worry about haivng good timing when seeing her. Good luck.

[Expression]

Well she lives in the direction of the centre (ie. somewhere beyond it) so I assume passing it on the way home would be the consequence. I'm starting to think she has another way home from the shopping centre, since I haven't seen her resume from it along the main road since the end of semester (and she pretty much always went down this road during semester). Either that or she's probably getting picked up from the shopping centre (...a bf...?).

 

BTW, she told me she lives right in the busy city, so it's obviously pretty hard spotting her by chance.

 

Her friends are in the same league as she is, perhaps even less so; I've spoken to them a few times during course times as usual (about boring course-related stuff), but never outside of it. They're still at the "smile-when-you-pass-each-other" stage. I'm just someone whom they know, but 'that's it', you know? As in: "we'll talk if we're in the same environment, doing the same thing, etc. but outside in the free world, we'll just smile when we pass each other to be nice, but leave it at that, since we don't each other well enough to talk about other things."

 

*Sigh* Quite simply, I just met them all too late and never got more chances to stimulate more communication.

 

As an aside; did anybody watch Fight Club? Edward Norton's character referred to neighbors on the plane as "single-serving friends" - you know them for the duration of the flight and that's it.

 

Of the past three years, I think I've only met around 3-4 people that have become friends outside of university. None of them girls sadly. Everyone else has been single-serving; know them for the semester, but once it's over, so is the relationship. I'm quite disappointed that I always ended up with guys in terms of group tasks or projects requiring partners. That was how I met most of them. An empty spot was just always beside a guy, never next to the pretty girl. It seems to me that it's more common for guys to be loners; I tend to observe that girls are always in groups or at a least a pair.

 

Anyway, hence I believe contact details are the first step to extending a relationship beyond the realm of the university, since it provides linkage in the free environment, outside of the course.

 

So thus, I don't want this one to be a single-serving friend...

[ratherbesailing]

Write down your number on a piece of paper and hand it to her the next time you see her. Tell her you'd love to meet her for a cup of coffee to talk about last semester's classes. See if that doesn't prompt her to give you her's.

[Expression]

Well, the third exam day and possibly the second last chance...

 

I caught her briefly as we entered the exam room, wishing each other good luck. After the exam, she left before I did and I had lost sight of her. I took my usual walk to the shopping centre in the hope that she'd come by - and she did. This time, the lights and her walking speed worked in my favor and I caught up to her on the footpath and immediately launched into talking to her without even a greeting

 

Worked like a charm; I decided to postpone heading home to grab a bite, and without any plans herself she came along with me.

 

We subsequently hung around the city for around 5 hours, either walking around the shops or sitting at food courts just talking about anything; the exams, the news, people around us, our families, etc. with a good measure of observational humor thrown in. It was just what I wanted...

 

...and I got her contact...!

 

*elated sigh*

[Dregnought]

Sounds like that you 2 may finally have something going..

Good Luck!

[Expression]

Wouldn't jump to any conclusions just yet , but it was darn nice to finally be able to spend time with her (and not have it be awkward, which is what a reasonably-shy guy like myself feared.) The worst thing that could've happened was if we ran into conversational dead ends, but luckily there weren't too many bouts of silence; being in the city with all the busyness around served as useful stimuli. Walking around with her for a while would've been nice enough, but we went back and forth around the city for hours; she didn't seem to be in a hurry to get home (and she was carrying some heavy books) and didn't object to bumming around (considering the exams aren't over yet either).

 

I've gone from quick course-related exchanges for no more than a few minutes, to a whole 5 hours just with her, talking about anything. There wasn't anything implicit from her during this time though, but the significant point is that it was a quite a few hours, and she wasn't quick to head home - we initially walked in the direction of her home, before walking away from it.

 

My only concern now is whether she has a boyfriend, although thus far, there have been no indications to her having one. I've never seen her alone with a guy and considering she lives in the close in the city, it'd probably be prominent if she was with someone. She hasn't mentioned anything which pertains to her having one from what I could glean from our conversations and of course, she hung around with me for 5 hours.

 

It's still possible; he could be overseas or something or I've just been lucky (or unlucky) enough to have avoided any clues to his presense. For instance, we bumped into a guy she knew which unnerved me until she told me that he was the boyfriend of one of her friends from university. And I hadn't suspected this friend to have a boyfriend, but evidently she does. Her other primary friend from university also has a boyfriend.

 

Either they've all got boyfriends or she's the lone, single one (despite her clearly being the cutest, loveliest one of the three ). *Fingers crossed*

 

So I ask: what are the chances that a girl who has a boyfriend, would spend a sudden, casual extended amount of time with a guy whom she knows, but only as an aquaintance thus far? (ie. prior to having contact details exchanged). And how does one go about finding out subtly, if one has a boyfriend?

 

Goodness my posts are long; guess this one's too special for just quick comments.

[Dregnought]

she didn't seem to be in a hurry to get home (and she was carrying some heavy books)

didn't object to bumming around (considering the exams aren't over yet either)

I've gone from quick course-related exchanges for no more than a few minutes, to a whole 5 hours just with her, talking about anything

she wasn't quick to head home - we initially walked in the direction of her home, before walking away from it

So I ask: what are the chances that a girl who has a boyfriend, would spend a sudden, casual extended amount of time with a guy whom she knows, but only as an aquaintance thus far? (ie. prior to having contact details exchanged). And how does one go about finding out subtly, if one has a boyfriend?

Dude, she likes you. About the boyfrined bit, ask her directly, something along the lines of "do you have a boyfriend". This hsa several positives:

1) IT shows that u are interested, and she seem intested, see a connection anywhere?

2)its a direct answer question ie, a yes or no. This means that u 2 wont be confused.

3)This can get u 2 closer, (because of point one really)

 

anyway, good luck!

[Dating Coach]

There is no way to know she likes him, she just hung out with an aquaintence that has been friendly to her this whole time.

 

To the OP, it's time you called her up and asked her out on a date. The longer you wait to make your intentions clear then the more likely you will be stuck in friendzone.

[Expression]

Thanks for the replies; from optimist and realist perspectives .

 

Naturally, I'd like the optimistic outcome but as I said, I don't wanna jump to any conclusions so I'm just gonna take it as it is: that she's just friendly and not repelled by my presense in any way, but also nothing implicative.

 

The last exam has come and gone and I didn't see her at all, due to there being so many people in this one. If I had caught her, I would've asked her if she'd wanna grab a quick dinner with me.

 

Nevertheless, I've got her online contact, so I can keep in touch now (which was the goal anyway). So we'll see how it goes...

[Alabama]

Good, I'm glad you can contact her now. You have a chance. Good luck!

[ShySoul]

Glad that everything worked out. See what happens when you hold onto hope and persist. You end up with the contact info.

 

She may like you, she may not. That's not the issue. You clearly like her. So keep going. Talk to her. Hang out with her. Befriend her. The closer you two get, more better your chances are. See what happens, go with this until the end and keep up hope. Things look great so far.

[Dating Coach]

Talk to her. Hang out with her. Befriend her. The closer you two get, more better your chances are. See what happens, go with this until the end and keep up hope. Things look great so far.

 

This is totally wrong. The "hang out, befriend her, get closer to her, then you chances increase" stuff is what guys have been doing wrong all along. You can't get close under the guise and expect good results no more than you can expect to walk through a mine field and make it to the other side. Could it be done? Yes, but why do that when you can walk around the mines? Meaning, don't take that route, be strong, be confident, go and ask her out before becoming best of friends because that leads to friendzone city, plus you could be wasting all of the time if you find out down the road that she is not and never was interested. Once that happens are you going to ask for your time back? Find out soon.

[Dregnought]

We seem to have 2 groups here, both saying different things. That does not help either, we gotta agree on something here guys.

[ShySoul]

If it wasn't meant to be mean, why bring it up at all? You could have brought up anyone else who says the things that I say. Or you could have said nothing and just simple stated your opinion without trying to drag my opinions down. I do not try to destroy your credibilty, I simple state what I believe and what I have been told by numerous men and women in long successful relationships as well as marriages. Instead you, as you have done in several posts before, specifically pinpoint me as an example of how not to have success.This does not help anyone. It is instead a baiting tacking that is more pointed towards me and designed to rile me up then it is to help the person asking for help.

 

To Expression, I honestly don't think you need much advice. You are doing great and things are going good so far. You are expressing interest, but taking it slow. And thus far she has responded. You were afraid to talk to her. And many opportunities slipped through the cracks. But you didn't give up. You kept your sights on talking to her, and you did. My best friend had a similar experience, seeing the same girl around campus but missing the chance to talk to her. He didn't give up either and finally did talk to her. When you persevere it pays off.

 

Follow your gut feeling. It hasn't let you down so far. You are shy as is your personality, but didn't hide behind it or let your fears get the better of you. You kept up hope and managed to talk to her. You seem to be getting along well. I think trying to rush it and ask her out right away would be akward for you, and quite possible for her as well. But just hanging out accomplishes the same goal of spending time with her and doesn't bring up the level of tension and expectations that a date can bring. When its time to ask her on a date, you'll know it. And I have every confidence you will do it.

 

Everything that has happened so far has been your work. We can only say what we think is best. It isn't a matter of our believes or are credibilty. It is a matter of what you believe you should do. If you wish to do what I suggest, go ahead and I think it will be beneficial to you. If you don't wish to do that, go ahead and I wish you luck. But in the end, you know what is right for you, you know what your personality is like and what your heart and mind is telling you to do.

[Expression]

Thanks for the replies all. I sure don't wanna spark any argument of opinions, but everyone's comments are greatly appreciated.

 

I don't intend to move too slow nor too fast. I think my mindset is on just spending time with her just having fun and building on that level of comfortability you have with someone close. And if I can do that with her alone, then all the better, because I won't be competing with other friends so I'll exert a stronger confidence.

 

I guess like a percentage of us, I'm only really shy in certain situations, namely among huge groups where I'm the only one not in a 'subgroup'. So I just needed that opportunity where she'd be alone, so it'd be easy to converse since there'd be no-one to compete with. Once a level of amiability is reached, I can then be more confident to speak up when there are others around.

 

I'm very happy that I caught her when I did, and just began talking to her like we've known each other for a while (rather than using some timid "hello" and then progressing into awkward discussions about the weather or something I mean prior to that day, I had only spoken to her a few times for a few minutes about mundane stuff. So it was a big leap. I suppressed any nerves I had and just kept talking to her like I would a friend, thus ensuring I wasn't hiding anything about my personality or trying to impress her. And the conversation just flowed pretty smoothly, with few bouts of silence. I found out stuff we had in common, we talked and joked about people and things around us - it was great. Best 5 hours of this year thus far for me.

 

Seeing as how I didn't see her at all on the last day, that meeting essentially was my last chance - so I'm mighty glad I didn't let that one go.

 

She hasn't been actively online yet, but the important thing is that I now have a connection which I strived for. And I'm gonna make sure that I don't lose touch with her.

[Expression]

Kinda off topic, but I guess I'll just use my own thread rather than start another...

 

Been trying to get a job ever since the semester ended, but places are either filled, not looking, require ample experience (which I don't yet have), or never respond to my inquiries...

 

I haven't passed all my exams, so I'll be back to do a unit again. Depressing news for me, seeing that this was meant to be my final year and I'll have to return with a whole bunch of people whom I don't know, while my peers are ahead onto other things. Feeling very out of my element.

 

That was enough of a downer for me, but subsequently on my way to a friend's party, I accidently crashed into the car in front of me. Actually "crash" is probably too strong of a word: the traffic was slow, and I inadvertently eased off the gas whilst looking down, bumping into the car in front. No major damage, but there are some dents in the other car. Nevertheless, he was none too happy about that despite my wave of apologies. I sure hope he lets it go, 'cause I was driving my mom's car and she'd be mighty upset if she found out.

 

 

 

Well back on topic; I haven't seen her online much - she's obviously not a frequent web user. We chatted once, but it was weeks ago, and very brief.

 

Friends are regularly busy now, especially the closer ones who use to be good company during long, empty days. I sometimes feel like I'm just idly deteriorating away. I hope I get a job soon - at least it'll be something to keep me occupied. And I hope I see her again, her company would be soothing.

 

It's sure been a dejecting week or two. I hope better days are on the horizon...

[ShySoul]

Hey expression! Nice to hear from you again.

 

Better days are coming, believe that. It's been raining down here, both the hardships and actual rain. But I know that the sun will shine again and better days will be here before long. Have faith.

 

My mind is a little hazy on the details since its been awhile, so forgive me. Did you ever get her number? If so, by all means call her. Or send her an email to say you were thinking of her and was wondering if she would like to meet up and hang out. If you want to see her, work on making it happen.

 

You'll pass your classes and graduate. It's a bummer that you have to take more, that must be frustrating. But you'll get through it. Keep your head up.

 

Don't give up on the job search. I know how it feels to be rejected or looked over. You just can't give up through. Got to keep plugging ahead and trying again. What do you think it is that is holding you back? Maybe take advantage of any career center your campus may offer and see if they can help.

 

I saw your post on being introverted. I feel like you do in that regards. Not many friends, conservative in I don't like a party atmosphere, don't seem to meet people I relate to. It's hard at times and can get you down. I was fortunate to find someone who is eerily similar to me in all those regards, so its a big help when you find someone like that. And you will. It may take awhile, but you will. Remember, better to have just one or two people who really understand you then a bunch of "friends." And don't forget that you have people on this board who understand how you feel and are here to talk, including me.