Can I still keep this friend? what would you do?

[Thedaysofthephoenix]

Hey I'm 17 (18 in like 2 months) I have never been in a relationship of any kind. I'm not big on partying getting pissed ect like most people i know my age.

Anyway I have known this friend for about 6 months now (I knew them for longer online). And we Originaly met as friends.

After a while I revealed to him I liked him and he said the feeling was mutual... but he wanted to get to know me better... I thought the was fine so I didn't mention it again.

One day I was reading his online journal thing and I got upset because he was talking about dating this girl and stuff, and how he was looking for someone, I felt really crap and later he was asking me why I hadn't talked to him in a while and I explained I felt depressed by being rejected and didn't feel I could stay friends with him after being rejected, because before he had suggested there was a chance between us. Anyway he explained that he ended up in open relationships, and didn't think I would like that sort of thing, he said he woulnd't feel comfartable being like that with me, and that he hadn't rejected me.

anyway a few weeks after this talk, one day I was round his house and he frenched me and we starting doing stuff (it only went as far as dry sex) but I had to stop it from going too far.

 

We were hanging out during the summer term a lot but since college started he has acted really distant towards me . And the last three times I have hung out with him he hasn't been as fun to hang with as he used too.

When we went to this gig together he was chatting up some girl and I don't think he really cared that he made me feel upset.

When I tell him I feel he dosen't like hanging out with me anymore he just tells me I'm paranoid and I can't accept the fact that he is busy sometimes.

When he found out I liked someone else and stuff he got a tad jealous which pisses me off really..

 

Anyway basicaly the way he has changed makes me feel depressed so its hard to even be happy when I'm hanging out with him, I don't think our friendship is the same, I feel really strongly for him but he obviously doesn't feel the same I cut him off from my life completely?

[Alabama]

I say move on. It's obvious that he liked you at a one point, but maybe did it just for sex. If he was in an open relationship, than obviousely it wasn't for love. You should find someone else. Good luck.

[DiscipleOfChange]

(should I cut him off from my life completely?

 

No, that's a VERY big decision. One that does more harm than good. Some time away might not be a bad idea though. I'm just not a fan of the cutting off completely idea.

 

A friendship is never the same once feelings of attraction become involved, especially if those feelings are not reciprocated equally by both people.

 

I don't know what to tell you except to say that cutting him off completely is a very big decision and might not be the best idea

[armchairshrink]

... its hard to even be happy when I'm hanging out with him

 

I think you've answered your own question. Why would you hang out with someone who makes you unhappy?

 

You need not cut him out of your life completely. It looks like your situation is caused in part by unrequited feelings for him. Wait until your feelings cool down, then maybe you can hang out with him again if you feel like it.

 

By the way, most of the guys I know don't hit on girls when they're out with female friends -- even when the girl they're with is just a friend. I've never asked my guy friends to do that; it's just how they are. I appreciate that courtesy; so if they see someone they like, I'll usually tell them to go chat her up. Sometimes I'll even go scout her out myself, to see what she's like and if she's there with a date. These reciprocal courtesies only strengthen our friendship. My friends consider my feelings and I consider theirs. Your "friend" doesn't look like he's doing this, so it's up to you whether you want to hang with him or not.

[Thedaysofthephoenix]

thanks for the responses people, btw he is not in an open relationship atm yer I ranted maybe I didn't make that like clear, It doesn't really change much though..

[Thedaysofthephoenix]

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