Sex just doesn't interest me... or am I just afraid?

[easyguy]

First off, I have never had a girlfriend. I have been courting this one young woman at my college, but I don't want to go into detail about. Let's just say I'm inexperienced. I'm not terribily shy when it comes to talking to girls/women, but I also don't make moves left and right.

 

Second off, I'm 19, but I am mature for my age, and also look older than 19.

 

Now, for some reason, the thought of sex doesn't really appeal to me. Is that normal? Maybe it is because I am still a virgin, but I don't seem to have any interest in having sex with a girl/woman for pleasure. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do look at porn from time to time, but it personally doesn't appeal me to actually do it frequently with someone.

 

Is this because I am just scared/afraid? Will my thoughts on change once I start getting more experienced with dating? Or is it just being ready to do it?

[DiscipleOfChange]

I think I know where you're coming from dude. I'm the same age as you and haven't had a gf either. Actually, until recently, I hadn't ever danced with a girl or kissed a girl. I don't like the idea of a one night stand. In fact, I think a couple should wait a while before they have sex. I'm not saying wait til marriage, but it's something that should be seriously thought about. Sex is by no means as trivial as a lot of kids our age seem to think or act like it is.

 

I think your opinions may change as you get more experience with women. Not being interested in sex isn't necessarily a bad thing, although it is occasionally portrayed in the media as a trait men should not have.

 

Basically, I wouldn't worry about it. I would like to think that women woul be able to appreciate your opinions, especially when you're just getting to know one another. It might even put them at ease

 

~Mark

[genz44]

I kind of feel the same way. Sure, there're the fantasies and porn. However, even though I'm attracted to this friend of mine, I don't have a really big desire to have sex. Maybe because I've never done it before.

[smallworld]

It could be because you're afraid, but it doesn't sound like it. You sound like one of those guys who like to take things slow and who really need to feel something for a woman before you engage in sexual activity. Nothing wrong with that! To be honest, it's good to wait for the right person and the right time, because sex should be about the sense of connection and the feelings of the two people involved, not just a fleeting moment of pleasure. Believe me when you're ready, you'll know. (By the way porn is the "fast food" version of sex. It's cheap, does the job, but ultimately leaves one feeling empty and meaningless. It's no surprise to me that you can't imagine doing 'that' with any girl you've been attracted to. Why would you want to when you could experience the most loving, intimate sense of connection possible?

[melrich]

I never saw porn before I had sex. If I had I think I would have been totally intimidated...all those hard bodies and maniacal thrusting and screaming banshee women.

 

Maybe you are feeling intimidated by the whole thing, maybe even dulled to it. Anyway, just so you know, real sex is rarely like what you are seeing in porn films or mags.

 

Don't worry. When the opportunity comes up you will be interested for sure.

[DropToZero]

It's just the inexperience I think man. I mean, I was pretty much exactly like you until this past summer. I mean, nothing, no real kiss beyond a peck, and no great dating experience. I had an interest in sex, but it wasn't so much that I was about to pressure any girls I had dated for it. But within this summer, the girl I did end up dating, had more experience, and she knew it. We dated for a little over a month before we did have sex, but I was the one that was making her wait. Sounds weird, cause most girls probably don't expect that, but I was really unsure of whether or not I wanted to do it. I mean, obviously it happened...and I'm much more experienced now. But you want to know the truth, I do not really think sex was that big of a deal. I'm not saying it cannot be a great thing, but I think it really has to be in a true relationship for it to mean something more.

 

Your thoughts may change some, I dont know. I'll tell you one thing tho, I did sort of lose an interest in porn, I'll admit that. My thoughts have changed some tho, I guess it's everyone's own experience that makes them who they are. I think with the next girl I date tho, I'm going to wait longer, I'm not in a rush to get into just a physical relationship.

 

Your time will come, you'll make your own decisions...and you'll deal with your own consequences...it's your choice once you're put in the situation in the end tho. Just thought I'd throw my personal story in b/c I was so recently just like you. Don't worry about it so much tho man, nothing's wrong with not being sex obsessed hehe, cause I'm sure their are other people that ....are thinking about sex just as much as you aren't thinking about it.

[Tigris]

I don't think you've met the right girl yet. Once you do then the sex hormones will kick in and you'll be dying for it. lol

 

Just be patient and don't worry.

 

Good luck.