Glances

[gersanos]

Hi. I didn't know where to post this, so I figured this place would be best.

 

I ran into a girl I dated over a year ago the past 2 days. We were both out, and didn't talk with each other. We had a pretty ugly break-up when we did break up - just fighting and hurting each other quite a bit for the last couple of weeks.

 

The whole time though when I was out the past 2 nights, we kept catching each other glancing - ALOT. We were obviously flirting alot with body language, but I didn't really want to talk with her, and she looked like the same as she didn't walk up. But I'd be looking over, and she would catch me, and vice versa. There were dead giveaways of something. And this is why it's kind of tough, because I still do have feelings for, but I don't want to be with her. Does that ever happen to anyone?

 

I have feelings for her, but I know we'll start fighting again and not be happy. I don't forget when things go sour, how bad it was. Maybe it's just plain old attraction? I'm not sure.

 

It just got me thinking quite a bit today...maybe I should have talked with her, etc. (We never spoke after breaking up).

[Süsser Tod]

Things ended up for a reason, remember that reason and don't look back.

 

That relationship came to an end, let it rest, look something new. Life is about moving forward, not backwards.

[gersanos]

I agree with you.

 

And I don't like that aspect. Many of the girls I have dated, I have dated more than once. It's one of those things that I know it won't work between us for mainly differences that we have (personality, etc). Yet at the same time, it's like the attractin never fades, or rather, resurfaces after we get away from each other.

 

This has happened with a couple girls I have dated, all girls that I dated fo a while. Does this happen to anyone else here? Like you somehow end up getting back after a while, even though it didn't work for a reason the first time. I don't like it, because it's like you said, I live in the past this way. Give things another go.

[sorryJason]

You never know if you don't try, maybe you have both changed!

 

If you both want to try, I would say take it as it goes! What harm can there be in dating, I am sure that after the first couple of dates, you will know if she is the same person you left.

 

Plus, you don't even know if she wanted you back. Yes, things ended for a reason, but I remember the reason I broke up with my long term ex's, and those reason don't exist anymore, if they were to come a long again, I would be tempted to date them, because we are no longer the people we once were. I still see my long term ex, from time to time, we are really good friends, if she was not married, I would probably be dating her, if of coarse I was not currently getting over my ex.

 

You just never know until you try.

[Süsser Tod]

Don't let your mind play you games. Its really easy to see what you've lost when a relationship comes to an end, and at the same time, you can easily overlook all the negative aspects of that relationship.

 

That is why looking back, they always look better than they actually were.

 

 

There is this girl, I can say for sure the person I've loved the most, and that I lost becaue I was dumb. I always used to remembe how great everything used to be with her. Until one day I realized that, the relationship was just a timebomb, neither of us could have kept it going, and it would have probably just made our lifes way harder.

 

Now I when I think about her, I just smile and hope she is doing fine. Sure, I would love to see her face again, now that I finally understood, but, you know...

 

Time, don't let it slip away,

Here's your drinking glass

Here's to yesterday.

 

Time, all gonna trip away

Don't piss heaven off, we've got hell to pay

 

I mean, kiss your past goodbye, look ahead and move on.

[Süsser Tod]

You never know if you don't try, maybe you have both changed!

 

People don't change...

 

The inner self of a person, that will be the one you'll be facing as a relationship moves forward, never changes.

[gersanos]

Thanks for the responses.

 

I do believe people change over time, or rather that they can, but from my experience, it doesn't happen with most people. Perhaps that's this inner self that you're referring to. I'm not sure.

 

But people do change as they age. There looks change, and there personality changes. I guess that's the temptation. The attraction is still there (excluding the girl I ran into b/c i cant say for sure, but with other girls yes), and I start to think, "hmm, she looks good, maybe things will be different this this, etc." So I run with things.

 

Friends that I have/know do this quite frequesntly (some of them). It's like, excuse the terminology, they recyvle the same people over and over. That's why I don't want to necessarilly give it another go. But then I start to think, well, maybe this time...

[sorryJason]

I am sorry Süsser Tod, but people do change, at least some do, I honestly know this, because people I know, like say, my graduation class. About 1/2 of them are totally different people than they were in school, the other half yes, they are almost exactly the same as they were in school.

 

You may say they don't change their inner selves, but I know that they have, just having meaningful conversation with them, I know they are different. But some that have changed on the outside, they are the same, so of the 1/2 that did changed maybe half of them have changed on the inside as well.

 

People change for many reasons, some of them good, some of them bad. If you don't believe me that people change, think of yourself 5 years ago, are you the same person, I know that I am not! Only 3 years ago I had no real dirrection in life, I was going from crappy job to crappy job, I hated myself, and relations with my family was strained at best, now I have a great job, I have a plan for my future, my relations with my family are a lot better and I can honestly say that inside I am a totally different person. I am learning to like who I am, and they way I am doing that is by changing into the person I always wanted to be!

 

Many people have been told by peers, teacher, etc that they should never change who they are, or not to let others change them. But would you say that to a drug addict? Of coarse not, some of us are leading unhealthy lifestyles, or lives that are not really our own, I know many people are living the life that they think they should because of what society or their peers say, and they think that this is who they are, but a person can never really know who they are unless they stretch the limits of themselves and not just stagnate in their lives, like most of us do.

 

I think the reason that most people that go back into relationships with the same person again fail at the relationship they never try to fix what was wrong with the relationship, or the person that goes back, doesn't change, in order for a renewed relationship suceed is that it cannot be exactly the same, sure some things will be the same, but some things have to change, or you will become bored with it, and it will just be a re-run of the past failed relationship.