From this day forth...

[approximate]

Hi everyone.

 

I am new to this site and have not actually read too much on it, however what I have seen is really great. I am glad people have the support that this site provides.

 

I have my own story and I guess that is why I came to this site.

I will just describe myself first. Well, firstly, I am male, in my late teens. I am quite introverted. I am also very quiet, and not really that shy, but definitely a little shy. I am what most people would consider boring I guess, though I know that I am not exactly. I have my own interests and abilities but these are not something that make for interesting conversation and are generally not things I speak to people about, except at university where I am around like-minded people.

I do not really enjoy many social activities like going to clubs and bars and so I don't. However the consequence of this is that I do not get to meet many people.

In fact, I do not have anyone I would consider a friend. I spend all my time alone and do not have anyone to talk to. Things have been like this for several years now.

In recent months I had been trying very hard to make new friends and try and find a girlfriend - I have never had a girlfriend. Prior to all of this I was alone in life but was actually quite happy and confident. However for about 6 months I have seen person after person after person reject/ignore me. Over this 6 month period my confidence and self esteem had dropped and dropped and I began to feel pretty down.

 

I believe that I am a nice guy. I am a giving person and I know what it takes to be a good friend - I have had many people betray or disappoint me over the years and so I know exactly what makes a good friend.

I also believe that I am an ok looking guy. Nothing special but the way I look just shouldn't be an issue. Especially if I can be confident.

 

I think my failure to make friends has been on several fronts.

My interests are not very varied and are not suitable for making interesting conversation (I am not terrible at conversation, but I am not as witty as some and come accross as a little serious, even though I love to laugh). However I am not going to change my interests as they are who I am. I am taken on some new things in the hope of meeting new people and it has helped a little but I still have no friends.

At times I have been a little rude to people. When my confidence was particularly low I not be in the best of moods and so I may have just been too silent and people would find this a little rude and I have also on occasion avoided saying 'hi' to friends of people I knew.

 

This last point may also have been because I am a little shy. I am not so shy that I cannot go up to strangers and just make conversation but sometimes I just do not feel confident enough to do this.

 

I read sometime ago that confidence is the single most important characteristic a person can have. I believe this. But in recent times I have had no confidence in myself.

I have tried faking confidence and it does work to an extent but it has not worked adequately for me. It is not a long term solution for anyone. But it may lead to people gaining confidence in themselves.

 

I have met some girls, having faked confidence and charm successfully on several occasions to do this with several girls. The one I got the furthest with was definitely not attracted to me - but she was attracted to the fake me and so when it came to being myself things could not work. It and the other friendships, if I will call them that, ended in very unusual circumstances. The girls were very rude and just began ignoring me (I didn't do anything to deserve this either). Basically once this happened I knew that it would be best to forget about it. In each case I knew that these girls were not the type I was willing to chase (though in desperation I was willing to chase them in the heat of the moment because I had no one else), but they were the type the fake me was willing to chase.

 

The last month has been an interesting time. I have learnt quite a lot about myself. In recent days I have felt a change come accross me though. And I am now resolute in fixing the problems in my life and confident that I can overcome them.

From now on I am not going to fake confidence. I should be confident in who I am. I have qualities and attributes that I should be confident in and that I know other people will appreciate.

I am also going to try and forget the pain of the past, but also to remember all of the mistakes I have made.

I am going to find new ways to meet people. A few days ago I believed that I had exhausted every way of meeting new people that I was interested in trying. But today I am more hopeful and more determined. I don't yet know these ways, but they do exist

I am still very determined to find a girlfriend. But from now on I am not going to fake confidence. I am going to be confident. I would like a girl (and the same goes for these mysterious friends I am trying to find) to like me for who I actually am.

 

One thing that has made me feel quite down has been the fact that by having no friends it makes it very difficult for a girl to accept this. I had always just hoped that maybe there was a girl like that out there waiting to meet someone like me. Today, I know that there must be. I am not alone in this. I don't think any of us are. There is always someone just like ourselves out there.

 

I think that admitting to my faults and mistakes has allowed me to realise all of this.

I may begin to feel depressed again soon. I don't know. However, I have not felt like I do today in a long, long time. I think this moment of confidence is not a temporary one.

 

But I have not yet worked out how any of this will occur

After six months of trying hard to make friends at university I have come to the conclusion that it is not going to be easy to make friends and meet people at university. I think I have exhausted most ways. This is not to say that I won't continue to try though.

I hope to find some ways of meeting people outside of university. Hopefully through the things I am interested in and hopefully in new things I can become interested in.

 

I am just going to be more patient. I can wait. I never thought I would be able to say this as I have felt so alone. But for some reason I feel confident that one day I won't be alone.

 

I think that as hard as it may seem we must try and find some of our attributes and feel confident that other people will appreciate these. Everybody has these, and it is just a matter of realising this - they are never hard to see.

Faking confidence is not a long term solution. I realise that for some people (people like me) it is all that we can have. But there is no reason why we cannot be confident in ourselves. This is the hardest step, to overcome this low self-esteem. But when it is overcome, things immediately begine to seem brighter.

For me, overcoming this has been a long and painful process. It is important to get out there and speak with people. Any interaction will help you on your way to becoming confident.

At the moment I still have no friends. I have never had a girlfriend. I have no one to talk to. But I feel strangely confident. Let's hope it lasts and I hope that this is the beginning of something good.

 

 

I just wanted to put this in words. I also wanted to share it with other people because maybe someone could benefit from something written here. One other reason I have posted it on this site is so that by telling other people of my goals I will feel more pressured to achieve them

 

I do not really have a lot of time to spend posting on this site but I would really like to try and post around here and read what other people have to say.

 

Thanks for reading this.

[Alabama]

It definetly sounds like you've improved yourself. I congratulate you! And your not alone finding love. I too have never had a girlfriend, but I don't let that get me down. I have a future to grasp a hold of and friends and family. You'll get friends. All you have to is believe. Good luck.

[approximate]

I just woke up feeling this way and so let's hope it lasts. I think that just believing is all there is to it too and so I am going to try my best. The thing is that when you have no friends it is very difficult to stay positive.

thanks alabama for the kind words.

[Beec]

I like your attitude.

 

I sent you a pm.

[approximate]

thanks beec

[muscle militia]

It aint just you, making friends is damn hard these days. Your age (late teens) many have focus on goals or interests and make associations through that. Just cos your quiet don't mean you are not buddy material. My 'best' hardly ever speaks - when he does it is always funny. We often just hang - life aint always a movie adventure. Faking confidence is not the answer. Get to know yourself and be comfortable in your own skin and confidence follows. My 'Best' Richie, was afraid to say anything cos he used to think ' I aint smart, or would sound stupid' But thats why we love him, he says the crazy weird stuff that just levels me. What ever you are into, passions career goals there will be loads there who are running down the same road as you. Feel the same as you. You need a lifestyle both internally and externally that defines your definition of self. As for your mistakes, never have regrets. Your dumbest, stupidest failures are what will make you. A man who is strong enough to be honest, and tell girls what an 'arse' he has been will show confidence, sensitivity and most of all - honesty.

 

I was so ashamed of my 'first-time-sexual experience-turned failure' turned out to be one of the biggest, most told party conversations. Turns out It was hilarious. I was 16 at the time. But as for feeling alone - look on the members here. How can you be alone when there are so many who feel the same?

Trust me, girls and friends will want to spend time with you - u just gotta believe it first.

[approximate]

Thanks for that message muscle militia, it means a lot to me.

Although it is unfortunate that so many people are unhappy and lonely in life, it is comforting to know that we are not really alone.

It is also comforting to know that so many people have positive things to say. And it is most comforting to know that there is a lot to look forward to and a lot to be thankful for already.

The belief other people have really does make me believe that things will get better.

 

Thankyou so much everyone.

[Cyndane]

Thank you so much for your post. It was just the right thing I needed to keep trying at this thing called life. Once again, its good to know that I'm not alone. Take care