Arguements with Best friend

[petalbud]

here I am again,. i just came back from colloge,. I was really down last night, I dint get much sleep because i was up just crying. I *tried* to seem okay today,. just get on with stuff,. i ddint want to bug my friend down with my problems,. She's goign thru a lot at the moment. her dad hit her the other day and she's still really upset from it. We went for walk in the park,. where i listend to her for about 2 hours,. because she was upset frm what happened with her Dad. I let her know that Im there for her,. and she can always call me no matter how late,. if he does it again.

 

As some of you know,. I have an OCD, in which i pull out my hair. Ive reduced my hair pulling frm about 20 times a day to about once or twice at most. Its taken a lot to get to this stage. Ive been pulling for over 10 years.

we started college together 2 weeks ago,. we're doing the same courses beacuse we're into the same kinda stuff.well today,. There were six of us on a table,. working togehter,.I got a lil stressed in class,. and trying to cover up my feelings of being down and uncoonsciously started tugging on myhair. NO one noticed apart frm her,. because she was sitting next to me and she can usually tell wen im stressd out and when im pulling anyway. she told me in a stern voice "stop pulling you hair" adn every one turned round to look at me. She then told them casually,. "oh she always pulls out her hair and complains about her patches"./ I got so so embarased and angry at her insensitivity,. and her bluntness. i AM trying to get better,. but I get the idea,. that she thinks im only attention seeking (just like my parents think)

 

I told her after class that i didnt appreciate her telling other poeple about my hair pulling,. because its something im really sensitive about. she got angry and started shouting at me,. She stormed off,. saying., "Im getting sick of all this"

 

we've had about 4 arguments in the last week,. She told me the other day how she felt i was insentitive and self centered,. and i always build a wall about myself,. and I get into moods. She says I depress her when im down and she feels like i dont care about her.

 

she KNOWS i would travel the world for her,.i HAVE been there,. Maybe not to the best of my ability,. but ive tried to listen when she wants to talk,. to meet up for a walk when she needs to get out of the house,.Ive sent her poems to cheer her up. i even made a handmade journal for her to write in when she's down,. and she accuses me of NOT being there for her.

 

She has been there for me,. and ive always let her know i appreciate it,. Im just getting tired of the constant arguments. I try to hide myself away from people when im depressed or down because i feel like i cant cope with them,. but she seems to get angry when im down. so most times,. i just tell her I need to rest or im tired.

 

Im really honest n open with her,.I dont like fake frienships,. but i just cant understand why she has to embarrass me. she also told me the other day that im over-exaggerating my problmes and my depression... that Im just attention seeking. Well,. i dont cry all night for no reason,. i dont get down for no reason,. And ive admitted to having a problem, and im tryign to work it through with a councellor. I dont know what else to do,. I hate arguments,.. and i dont know why she's goign all cold on me all of a sudden.

 

Or am i the one just being a big baby?

 

Please be honest here. sorry bout the long post n thanks for your replies

[DiscipleOfChange]

I believe that the best of friends will give you the advice you need to hear, whther you want to hear it or not. At the same time, I believe that the best of friends only give this to you in the form of constructive criticism. All friendships have rough patches. Despite these patches, I feel that there has to be acceptance on both sides. Each friend, in order for the friendship to succeed, must acknoledge the other's character in its totality. Nobody's perfect, but there's always room for self improvement.

I do not feel you are being a big baby at all. I think your friend is either going through enough of her own issues that for right now, she can't handle yours OR (and I hate to be so blunt) she's not the closest of friends.

 

im over-exaggerating my problmes and my depression... that Im just attention seeking.

 

Those are fairly harsh words, more so coming from a friend. Interestingly enough, the acusation of being "attention seeking" or being "starved for attention/affection" is used far too frequently without consideration. The truth is, as humans, we all seek attention and affection. We are designed to crave it. In fact the two greatest sources of protection early man had from the creatures of the night were fire and the company of other individuals.

A good friend should realize that working through issues takes a long time and I emphasize a long time; years even. The fact that you're seeing a counselor is admirable and demonstrative of your dedication to getting "better" however that defines itself for you.

Another problem often found in many friendships is that one person often feels that the level of reciprocation is unblanced; one friend is being more of a friend than the other. Oftentimes however, the people involved are looking for different things from the friendship and sometimes, one person needs more than the other.

 

I think you should consider having a discussion with your friend about the state of your frinedship and try to discuss the issues that each of you is going through to try to understand the cause of the strife.

 

~Mark

[petalbud]

Thanks for your reply Mark. just thought I'd tell you how things have turned out. Well,.we kinda made up the other day. she bought me a CD,. saying she;s sorry and shes sorry and everything else. i DO forgive her,. but i just dont feel like im able to talk to her when im down anymore. By her telling me she though ti was over-exaggerating my problems.. i guess it shows how insignificant and minor my feelings seem to her.

 

i have been very depressed over this weekend,. ive cried all night last night. Normally,. i would call her up n tell her im feeling down and if she wants to come for a walk down the park with me or sumthing. But i just found that I actually didnt want to be around her because i know she would have gotten angry if i had called her up saying i was feeling depressed.

 

I do take into account that she has other stuff going on,. and I try my darndest to be ther for her in anyway that I can.

 

ive always seen frienship as a two way realtionship based on honesty. I hate having to pretend im okay,. and hide my feelings all the time and plaster on a fake smile so I dont offend poeple. i HATE being depressed,. I dont enjoy it,. i dont enjoy feeling alone,.feeling worthless,. feeling invisible to the world.

 

I remember one time I was really down,.. I was having vivid flashes of my childhood sexual abuse. I had buried it away for years and for some reason,. it all started coming back to me. And i was really down, and sobbign my heart out and for the first time.,I told her about it. I didnt expect any advice,. i was just seeking a listening ear.

 

she replied saying something about Me constantly looking into the past,. that what happened in my past doenst matter. i do understand that its not healthy to live in the past,. BUT its different when i have to live with the guilt and anger that I do.

 

i dont know whats happening to me, I dont know where Im headed... i just want everything to go away... I really dont know what to do.