An Exersize in Sarcasm

[Bitter_Blasphemy]

This is for my poetry class.. i never really write but i was wondering what everyone thought of this (PLEASE, criticism is much appreciated!)

 

An Exercise in Sarcasm

 

The truck pulls up.

 

The excitement I once felt is now replaced by fear.

The pressure to decide, to make up my mind.

I know he won't understand my situation.

No one ever does.

 

Why can't I just tell him?

 

The people are staring, waiting for me to reply.

I can feel them like black smoke blazing about me.

To make up my mind is like ripping out my heart.

An empty tear I'd suffer until the end of my existence.

 

So why can't I make up my mind?

 

They stare relentlessly.

They are used to this delay.

The lone girl, unable to pull words out,

Unable to just TELL him.

 

The pain is too much.

 

Today I have made up my mind.

And with regret in my soul I quickly blurt out what I know is the wrong decision.

"I'll have the ice cream sandwhich"

And I pay him.

[Msnak]

Wow, nice poem, the request at the end caught me by surprise!

 

I write poems all the time, and love to read them too. This one made me expect the female voice to ask for something more significant, that's what each line builds up to. But then, it makes me think of how some people are quite indecisive and can't make up their minds on small things, even!

 

I also thought of the self-talk and the words inside us that cause us to delay our actions and verbal responses.

[Willow_Moon]

I generally don't read poetry and I don't write it... but, I liked it.

 

I liked the surprise ending... like a 'gotcha' - which to me tied in with the title/ theme of the project (?) of an exercise in sarcasm.

 

I mean this girl is being totally fatalistic - and for god's sake, it's just ICE CREAM... lol.

 

I love too how the you get the impression that the truck symbolizes a significant journey that the girl is wrestling with inside her head... as if she wants to take it or not, but then BAM! the truck becomes insignificant... this isn't about a journey - it is about something this girl already knows about herself and doesn't plan to change. She knows the choices on the ICE CREAM truck will overwhelm her, but still she goes through the same routine... again, and then chastises herself for rushing herself to pick the one she didn't want in the first place.

 

She places so much importance and pressure on herself to make the right decision and you get the impression as your reading that whatever she is trying to decide is of concern to the masses... when again, it is just Ice Cream.

 

I mean on a more serious side, it also highlights social anxiety and the difficulty some have making even the simplest decisions. It also touches on very real phobias that some people feel like they are being watched and judged all the time. And then it portrays how one really gains nothing when they make a decision they are pressured into making... especially if the pressure comes from feeling overwhelmed and they finally just point blindly.

[D-love]

Haha I got caught by surprise at the end as well. I like it very much though, it really hits how people can be so slow when making up there mind even on the simplest choices.