if my friend is me...then who am I?

[samie]

HI

I'm new to this forum...have some problems in need of some advice.

here goes my story....my best friend and I have known each other for a pretty long time but recently I just felt so annoyed by most of the things he's doing.

In the beginning we were such opposite people and I respected his own ideas and opinion even though its different from mine. Just lately he had changed and it seems as though what I like to do he likes it too. Even my dreams, believes, and ideas has become his. But I had let this by since we are such good friends. Although it does somewhat annoys me, sometimes I try to stop liking the things that I used to like or stop doing what I used to enjoybecause of it.

But a weirdest thing happened that just been bothering me. Recently I had changed my number so some of my friends cannot reached me and the weirdest thing is I found their number missing from myold phone book. I had lost touched with some of them.....one day while I was at a club I saw one of my friend. He seems kind of mad that I didn't call him back and he told me that he had tried to call my other friend and had left a message. Yet I had ask him before if any of my friend had called him and he said no. One time I even heard him listening to one of my friend's message in front of me....he didn't realize that it was so loud that I was able to hear it. I just don't get why he's doing this.

I also suspect that he had erase their phone number from my old phone when he had borrowed it. - but not so sure.

 

Will you guys give me some opinion or some ideas as to why he is acting so strange?

If he's trying to be me then who am I supposed to be and what should I do about it?

I don't want to say it straight out since I'm afraid of jeopardizing our friendship.

[Miss M]

If he's really doing these things to you, he's sure not much of a friend.

 

And if you do jeopardize the friendship and lose him, what will you actually be losing? Is it worth losing your other friends for what he gives you?

[Alabama]

I'm sure you two were friends in the beginning, but it doesn't sound like it now. He's changed for the worse it seems. I would try to avoid him and concentrate on the friends you have now. Good luck.

[jevonj77]

What I see is this: he is a stranger to you right now.

 

Like one of the previous post said, what would you be losing?

 

Let me ask you, what is a friend to you? You seem to be calling a friend someone that simply hangs with you.

 

You must understand that as humans, we have a tendency to sometimes change and become evil. When you see it, do not be shocked, because it is not the first time that this kind of thing has happeded.

 

If in fact he is your "friend" then you must tell him exactly what you feel and demand answers and changes. If not...well then you know that he is not your friend and I think you know what is to be done then.

[samie]

Hi everyone and thanks for your reply. Its really hard for me to end the friendship since we've known each other for ten years. Maybe its because when you are really good friends with someone….you just don't want to give it up on some problems along the way. Although I didn't tell it to him straight about what's been bothering me, but I did give him some hints….unfortunately he didn't get it. If anything went wrong…not only does it jeopardize our friendship but it will also break up our circle of friends. Our friends will start to take sides and it won't be a good sight. I've known him the longest from our group of friends, and they don't really know how he was before nor the things that he had done. I'm not really the type that would try to make friends goes against each other or talk bad behind someone's back. Although one of my friend did spot his irregular behavior and has ask me about it but I just shrugged.

Well I've decided to hang and talk less with him…hopefully he stop doing the things that he does….and I'm willing to forget all the things that he had done (there's a lot more more problems that I've had with him in the past). But lately hanging and talking less to him seems to work...slowly pulling myself out from this friendship. Thank you everyone….its really helpful knowing someone out there is listening and willing to help.

[jevonj77]

I think you should still tell him clearly. Think about how you are going to say it to him and then do so. It seems that you are a little scared or maybe shy about doing so...so you can write it on a letter and ask him to read it. You have to do that, this way you will have proof of you telling him specifically what you did not like and when he continues you will be able to show the other friends how he has simply disregarded this suggestion from you.

 

Keep a copy of the letter and ask him to reply on the same letter or another one if he doesn't want to talk to you directly. All of this information can be right on the letter...or you can tell when giving it to him, to answer back on the same letter.

 

Hope your situation gets better...

[Miss M]

Giving up on a long-term friendship is tough. I've had to do the same thing recently with a 14-year and 12-year friendship. I was also very reluctant, but I realized the friendships were detrimental to me and toxic. I had to weigh things and accept the fact that it was bad and wasn't ever going to get better. Breaking those friendships broke my heart but it was really important to finally end them so I could get on with my life.

 

While you're thinking it over, remember to consider your own well-being as well as his. I can understand that you're reluctant and that you care about him and your group of friends, but do also give some thought to taking good care of yourself as well. Think about what's good and fair to you, and weigh that nto the mix while you sort it out. IOW also be a friend to yourself. And good luck.