friend's mother

[stronghotshot2005]

my friend, we'll call him chris, and i have been good friends for about 7 years now, and his mom is obviously verbally abusive. we have met online and i see him in person maybe a few times a year. He was telling me about something that happened a few days ago at a wedding he went to, one of his aunts asked him if he had a girlfriend, and his mom walked up and started saying (in a cambodian language) "nobody would want him" and chris had translated it and she had also said something like beat him up until he's bleeding or something of that nature. She is usually very mean to him and his siblings, but she is a WONDERFUL person to everyone else. She only seems to dislike her own children. This woman will go up to her children out of nowhere and say stuff like "you're fat!" and really mean things. Chris said that when he and his siblings were younger (they're all adults now) she would show a little love to them, but now, she's just a plain out you know what to them. She hasn't hugged any of them or said anything nice to them for so long. What could be wrong with her?

[Alabama]

I'm no expert in Pyschology, but it's definetly her past. It might be something her parents did. Maybe they were very mean to her as an adult and she's passing her anger out on her kids. They were nice to her as a child, but then mean to her as an adult. That's what I figure.

[Jinx]

Well it sounds like from this set of examples that she is attacking them on their physical appearance. It may possibly be in the past but more often I've heard it happen when the parent envy's their children when it comes to such matters.

 

When it is a case of self esteem issues, it usually is a mother, men don't seem as prone to the case of attacking directly at physical causes saying things to their child as - You're fat, you're ugly, no one wants you - and so forth. From what I've observed it tends more towards older women who feel uncomfortable in their own skin so to say and believe their child or children are surpassing her in similar aspects which she has failed in too OR more commonly thinks she has failed in.

 

To an extent (and really going out on a limb comparison wise because I'm out of good comparisons so please excuse the tackiness of this one) it is like Anorexics believe they can never be thin enough, always too heavy even if they are underweight and near death for it. These women tend to believe in a similar manner no matter how attractive they are; they aren't. If they try to appeal to a certain man and he neglects her attention it adds fuel to the flames. Same with weight, height, anything they can compare no matter how most people picture them, they consider themselves inadequate.

 

thereforeeee, in their mind, what is the best way to solve the jealousy? Share the pain. If they can make their child lose their self esteem and picture themselves in the same frame they seem to think life will be more bareable by having someone else just as miserable.

 

That is just my generalized input.