stark future for the single male posters in this forum?

[dlplight99999]

I'm not here to discourage or chide anyone here, as I'm not qualified to do so since I have the same problems myself. I'm 24 and never had a girlfriend either.

 

There are many male posters here that I can relate with and they often get replies like 'many nice guys do finish first' or 'you'll find someone as time goes on.' These replies feel like stale sympathy hiding the stark reality.

 

I'm just writing to point out that if you have a history of not being able to get along with others ( whether you're shy, antisocial, etc. ) and never easily had dates when you were younger, it's likely that you'll end up from being bad to worse in finding anyone as you get older. As you age, people around you start getting engaged and married and you'll have difficulty finding single friends. Current statistics aren't favoring single men. A woman of a particular age is likely to be vied for by men of equal and older ages.

 

I don't know what chemistry it is that draws one to others but if you never experienced people being attracted to you, there really is no reason why it would be any different as you get older.

 

Plus, I'll tell you some of my current personal experiences. I'm in my third year of medical school in nyc as we speak. Nearly 90% of the females in the medical/dental classes here are already commited whereas around only 35% of the males are. Something even more shocking are some of the male faculty and staff doctors here. Some are in their 40's and are well-established in their careers and income and yet I hear them talk of how they'd like to meet that special someone. Heck, I've even seen some male faculty ( and patients ) hit on female students.

 

The ability to attract someone of the opposite gender is more of a fixed asset and cannot be compensated by any personal factor. I hope people here are very objective and aren't realizing this for the very first time. My upshot to this is that I wish people here would stop replying with remarks like 'you'll find that perfect someone in time.' Some guys are looking for sympathy but not something in such a ridiculous context.

[jordan_2]

they just gotta work harder then and make themselves known to the opposite sex...

 

this does not mean be that over confident jerk, but just be more outgoing and people will reciprocate

[easyguy]

What's even more frustrating is when a guy thinks that happiness comes solely from a relationship, and not from one's self. I'm almost 19 and have yet to have a girlfriend, but I am ALWAYS optimistic. I never see it as "hopeless". That's the wrong attitude. I'm also happy with myself, even though I've been single my entire life. I have a high self esteem, and am truly confident in myself. So far it's just bad luck.

 

Like jordan said, show women who you are. If you get out there and show yourself and be as presentable as possible, then there is no reason why someone would feel attracted to you. Sent off good vibes, don't be c0cky or anything. Just be yourself.

 

All this sounds cliche, but if you make an effort to show yourself, you're bound to meet someone. Either you're not trying hard enough, or you're trying too hard.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[MetallicAguy]

What's even more frustrating is when a guy thinks that happiness comes solely from a relationship, and not from one's self. I'm almost 19 and have yet to have a girlfriend, but I am ALWAYS optimistic. I never see it as "hopeless". That's the wrong attitude. I'm also happy with myself, even though I've been single my entire life. I have a high self esteem, and am truly confident in myself. So far it's just bad luck.

So true.

[Gilgamesh]

People give that advice here for a reason, its true!

 

go ahead, ask 100 men in there 30s or 40s and see how many have never had a relationship, you wont find many if any.

 

there is someone for everyone, just last week I was reading an article about dating, the men were mostly complaining that it was too easy to get a date, that there wasn't a challenge anymore, specially on line. I don't know about that being true. But one thing for sure, if your shy and introverted, finding a date is going to be that much harder.

 

On line services would be great for you, other women like you , that are shy or just to busy with work and studies or just are not "bar" types are looking for guys just like you. Stick with the premium services, that have the psychological profile testing, this will hook you up with chicks that are looking for someone just like you!

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

If you are thirty and have never had a girlfriend you probably should be unhappy. It would be pretty lonely and missing out to never have had a girlfriend by that point. Sure being happy single is nice but ALWAYS being single is a different story. If nothing else you should be having some flings by that point.

Anyway, quit worrying. I confess I have contempt for most females (and yeah i have contempt for men too but I don't date them) however there are good ones out there. You figure half of everybody gets divorced, many don't make it past engagement and the great thing about being a man is it is the norm to date much younger (not married yet) women.

Sure you gotta be proactive about it. Sure you gotta shuffle through the bad worthless ones to get to the gold, but they are there and a plenty.

Just make friends with a lot and take advantage if they break up (while watching out for rebounds), or even better -- network with your woman friends girlfriends.

Furthermore, the worst problem with men on this website is they are afraid of their sexuality.

You don't have to be in a relationship with every woman you sleep with. Casual sex is fine. Dating sites is great. Just be honest about what you want or how far you are willing to go.

I live in New York City where meeting anybody is hard if you didn't grow up here.

Every woman I come accross is taken just about.

Yeah it is VERY frustrating. But whatever happens happens.

I In the meantime I got porn, which is cheaper than a date anyway.

[MetallicAguy]

In the meantime I got porn, which is cheaper than a date anyway.

LOL.

[Gilgamesh]

he he, less rejection there.

 

I am in San Jose, reading stats on the area here, its considered one of the worst places for guys to get a date for a city, the female to male ratio is something like 1.6 males for every 1 female, which is in contrast to other cities in the area.

 

on line dating services is way different, something like 2 women for every man. there are plenty women looking for men, but most women aren't going to walk up to you and ask you out , and most are smart and trying to weed out the jerks and phonies, by getting to know them on line first, its a great way to know someone from the inside first.

 

Once you find someone and click well, then you go dating.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

I don't mind rejection. It's a matter of opportunity. You aren't gonna meet somebody just walking up to em on the street her. I also don't have pride when it comes to dating. Anything's game as long as we click and they were born a woman and don't want me to support their coke habits(which is why you gotta becareful at them village clubs)

[corvidae]

I agree with you dlplight99999, it is very annoying to hear the old cliches about 'you will find someone' and 'just respect yourself and you'll get women'. The truth is that life is about balance, and some people were just made to have difficult time in some areas of life. For a lot of the people here, that problem is with relationships (or lack thereof). You have to learn with what you have and accept that there are some things not meant for you. Learn to be happy with the things you can do and the things you can have.

 

PS. Women certainly do have a much easier time when it comes to getting into relationships, but they aren't necessarily happier for it.

[lisica]

Here is some objective reasoning for you:

 

For every 48 guys that are born, approximately 52 girls are born. This means that there is approximately 1 man (or less!) for every woman.

 

If you are in a place where the ratio is unbalanced, such as 2 man for every woman, then you are in a concentration of men. That place can be your city or your school or... The point is that if you are eager to find a gf, you need to infiltrate in places with high concentrations of women! That would definitely pay off more than sitting in the corner sobbing that there are not enough women ;-)

 

Another thing that dlplight99999 noticed in his age group, is that 90% of his female class mates are already taken versus only 35% of the male ones. I would interpret that as an indication that girls go for older men, which is actually evidence for "you'll find someone as time goes on"!

 

From a female perspective, I can tell you that of course there are girls with the same kind of worries. For females it is even worse because many dream of a family, and unlike men, they have a biological clock ticking.

 

dlplight99999, if you are looking for a partner for life, know that it will add a lot to your attractiveness when you finish medical school and you have a nice job. When they loose their teenager habits, women often start looking for different qualities in men, such as his capabilities to offer financial and emotional security. The latter is where the "many nice guys do finish first" comes in by the way ;-)

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

When Lisc mentions financial security she is suggesting their love is conditional upon you resourcing them with money. The scientific term for those types of women are bacteria or parasites. The slang for them is gold diggers. Watch out for them.

The other thing you need to think about when listening to her argument is that some men get 5 times as many women and will often have two at once where as the less competitive get none.

It is a vicious hard world but you gotta be competitive. And you gotta be competitive while rooting through bacteria and emotional abusers.

That means just worry about getting laid with a chick you are attracted to, the rest will eventually take care of its own.

[dlplight99999]

I also feel that Lisica is missing the point here. The problem here doesn't exist in my immediate surroundings only; it's evident in all walks of life. I only used medical school as my personal example. ( and, yes, there are full seasoned male doctors out there in their 40's who don't get dates often )

 

I used to do a brief stint at a physics lab before med school and, even there, all the female staff/scientists were taken. About 3/4 of the male researchers were single and two of them were in their 50's. Whether it's the gym, malls, or bars, nearly all of the girls are already seeing someone. Also, go to a personals website like link removed or yahoo and you'll notice that there are overwhelmingly more male ads.

 

On top of those dreadful numbers, imagine how much worse it'll get as you become older and from the lack of experience in meeting women. And if you just don't attract people for whatever reason, you're pretty much done.

[wlfpack81]

I have to agree with the statements that dlplight99999 and others have made here. I love it when people don't BS and just tell the truth of the matter. Older you get w/o love the harder it will be to find it.

 

Also another about finding love late is that not all guys want to be old fathers either meaning that you'll find somebody one day (as in your 30's above) talk won't float every man's boat. I don't want my first child when I'm in my upper 30's or early 40's. I don't want my kid worrying about me kicking the bucket before he gets out of his 30's. Would like to have the chance to spend some time w/my grandkids (should I ever find someone, get married, and have kids in the 1st place which doesn't seem too likely at this moment).

[ShySoul]

What is really discouraging is reading guys coming up with statistics to prove that they won't find anyone. Come on guys!!!! With that attitude of course you won't find anyone. You have already given up and thrown in the towel. Instead of being reasonable, optimistic, or indifferent and taking things as they come.... you guys are trying to find excuses. You are trying to rationalize and feel sorry for yourself. Well that doesn't fly right. Focus on yourself, love comes for everyone in its own time.

 

I know there are groups out there for singles in their 30's or 40's. I know there are plenty of single people, guys and girls, looking for someone. There are chat rooms for these people, dating sites for these people. I know single women in their 20's. I even know a 24 year old girl who has never had a relationship herself. So as much as you guys want to complain you'll never find anyone, there are plenty of females out there wondering where the right guy is.

 

Give me all the numbers and statistics you want, doesn't change the fact that I see guys of all ages finding someone. They can, and so can you.

 

You can meet someone anywhere, you don't necessarily have to be outgoing. Opportunity is all around us. The right girl could be that person you notice on the bus each day, that girl at the laundromat, the girl you meet at a business function,etc. My brother met his girlfriend playing a role playing game online. My friend met his playing x-box live. And I met my girl during a 2 minute stop in a chat room. Shy? Not outgoing? Doesn't matter, there is someone for everyone. If I can find someone, anyone can find someone.

[jordan_2]

i totally agree with shy

 

I personally feel agitated when people try to fit formulas and "hypothesis" with love. It is trying to say that you can logically and mathematically find someone to fulfill your life as a person.

 

Doesn't that sound the least bit retarded?

 

sorry if I'm being blunt, but love is emotional, something so unique for every individual that you would have better luck trying to sketch God's face than to come up with a formula for landing yourself a date.

 

The spontanaity and genuine emotions that come out of a real relationship is something intangible, something that is felt, thus trying to logically create a level of emotion, or simply trying to create a formula becomes the extreme oppposite of what love should be.

 

(sorry if this came off as a rant, but I just had to say it)

[dlplight99999]

Based on what jordan2 and shysoul have said, I know the importance of keeping a positive outlook everyday. Life is a journey and, as with all trips, people should get thru it with what they have and stop looking back.

 

I also agree that many guys do land dates and find people. However, given the entire population pool, it is relatively rare ( no doubt, we do have problems ) to find a guy who never has been a single date or had someone attracted to him before the age of 20. Past history often repeats itself. Then try factoring in the guy's inadequacies such as shyness, anxiety, or ugly physique. Now throw in the number of people taken/available and in competition for dates.

 

I know that some guys here are saying that emotions and spontaneity cannot be portrayed with formulas but emotions=spontaneity and spontaneity=probability. Banking on probabilities really suck because they're low to being in with.

 

Then again, I actually did ( about 5 times ! ) have people attracted to me and looking at me but I realized that they were already seeing someone. ( this goes to prove that with increasing age, you may not find anyone even if they like you. )

 

Like many have said, while it's true that you'll never know what's to come, I'm sorry to say that this forum shouldn't encourage all this BS full of hope. I'm not saying that it can never happen but there are very few that go out of our ways to even post all this on an Internet forum and that goes to show that we have personal problems that the typical guy doesn't.

 

This reminds of the BS called the 'rainbow bridge' ,where it has been said that dead pets walk accross the bridge and wait for you there after your death. Yeah, I'm sure it can't be fully discounted but, come on, isn't this like a crappy story for dealing with the grief associated with pet loss?

 

I don't know about some of you but I think it sucks to be a guy

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Nice guys finish last. That saying makes me want to puke.

Whiners finish last. People who let other people walk all over them finish last.

I don't advocate being a jerk but you guys really need to compete more and worry about getting laid and more confident and the rest will take care of itself.

Women appreciate honesty overall more than they appreciate somebody who is always nice and doesn't bite, and knows what they want.

I fera you "supposedly nice guys" are gonna settle for some self centered shrew and wrap yourself around her finger when you finally do have sex.

And stay away from any chick who mentions the words financial security and relationship in the same sentence. T

hat's an even bigger turn off than reeking vagina.

[Alabama]

Okay...anyway I don't see dlplight99999 how statistics can neccesarily prove that you won't find love. There is no way to prove or not prove you'll find love. I figure all you have to do is try. If you don't succeed, oh well. At least you tried, that's the important thing right?

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Boy this topic discourages me even more than I've been discouraged. As a 32 year old guy who has had one girlfriend... in 1st grade!... finding someone dominates my mind. Every minute of every day. I always wake up thinking "is this the day I find someone?"

 

I thought that 15 years ago when I was 17. Didn't bother me at all, I had all the confidence that I would find someone. I'll make a girl laugh, she'll like my sense of humor, we'll click and nature will take it's course.

 

When I was 20 years old I had a routine. Every friday night I would just take a nice walk in the city. Everywhere I turned I would see couples holding hands and such. I was saddened, but hopeful that I would find my special someone, so it didn't bother me much. I'm young, I'll find her somewhere and I'll make her laugh, she'll like my sense of humor, we'll click and nature will take it's course.

 

When I was 25 years old, I became a little less hopeful but I was still young enough to hold on to that four letter word called Hope. I knew she was around somewhere, so even though it bothered me more than ever that I was alone, I was still hopeful...

 

26 and still hopefull...

 

28 and hope is fading...

 

30 and hope is all but lost...

 

32 and hope is gone. And nature has gone off course!

 

The older I got, the more I saw that I was doing something wrong or not doing enough. In fact what I was doing wrong was that I wasn't doing enough. But then a friend of mine did even less that I did and got 2 girls swooning over him because he is a handsome guy with a quiet c0ckiness about him that's attractive. So what am I to do? My shyness is terrible. No girl will approach me. I get incredibly nervous around females I find attractive, and I never feel any vibe from them. I've never felt a vibe. I may be that guy who is fun to be around and fun to hang out with, but to be in a relationship with? Doesn't seem like it.

 

Those who say "don't worry you'll find someone" has most likely found someone or is not in his 30s without a date on his resume. I would never say that to someone because I haven't found someone. But I bet that if I did, I would probably change my tune because I finally experienced it.

 

But for now, good luck to all of us who have yet to find love, especially the older ones like me. Stock up on that porn because it's going to be a long and bumpy ride.

[kimono_girl2]

Kyoshiro,

 

Is that avatar picture you or not? I'm not very good at telling if people are using their own pictures or the pictures of someone they admire.

 

If that is you, I will then type something else that I'm sure will make you happy later on.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Kimino has the hots for the guy in the picture

[kimono_girl2]

Haha yes, the guy in the picture is hot. Now to find out if it is really the poster or not!!

[ShySoul]

it is relatively rare ( no doubt, we do have problems ) to find a guy who never has been a single date or had someone attracted to him before the age of 20. Past history often repeats itself. Then try factoring in the guy's inadequacies such as shyness, anxiety, or ugly physique. Now throw in the number of people taken/available and in competition for dates.

 

Rare? Me and my best friend are two and I have seen plenty of guys on here above 20 and haven't had a date. If I have learned anything from this site, its that plenty of people, both make and female, have not had relationships/dates/etc. well into there 20's.

 

You are still being negative and pessimistic. I have had periods thinking like that, and that was when I was at my worst and it made me less attractive. But when I turned it around and starting thinking positive, thats when things turned around for me. Shyness isn't necessarily an inadequacy, it can be a strength. Plenty of girls find it to be cute and attractive. Anxiety can be used as motivation, pushing you to get over your fears and giving you something to conquer. Everyone has anxiety, the trick is to not be controlled by it. And what is an ugly physique. Everyones tastes are different, someone will find you attractive. Doesn't matter if your skinny, not flawless skin, glasses... you'll find someone that thinks you are attractive. I know this cause I am that guy and its happened to me. However you look, someone will like it.

 

What you are doing is looking at it as a competition, as a numbers game. From a guy that has always loved numbers, I've come to see that love doesn't work like that. All the dates in the world don't guarantee happiness or make it any more likely. It happens on its own terms and at its own time. What you do in the meantime is live your life and let it come to you. When you are happy with who you are, when you are busy doing what you love, thats when your at your best. The real you shines through and attracts someone. And then love happens.

 

Kyo,

 

The moment that you lose hope and stop believing is the moment you condemn yourself to that kind of life. Don't give up. Be like Matt Hardy, never surrender. Just tell yourself, "KYO WILL NOT DIE."

[Caldus]

Past history often repeats itself.

 

Only if you continue to do the same thing.