Dream of finding love,

[roadtohell]

Hi I'm 23yrs old and single,

 

I've never had a girlfriend before I forever dream of having a girlfriend, I feel now as I'm getting to old and losing my looks and there are signs of ageing.

 

I get so jealous of lads with girlfriends and I'm starting to find it hard to be around couples as I hit a low of feeling depressed.

 

I always up to the age of about 21 had an Idea of my dream girl of what she would be like personality and looks wise, but thats all gone I once thought I found her she met all my dreams, It took me yrs to get the courage to ask her out and it was my first date and last it was a disater,

now I don't even know what to look for in a girl anymore I look at girls I wouldn't have had any intrest in few yrs ago.

 

Sometimes I think people think I'm not intrested in having a girlfriend, rarely I've had girls come up to me and start to flirt and I just lose my bottle and then find it hard to look at them but thats not always the case it depends who I'm comfortable with, this worries me that if I like the look of someone I find it hard to look at them.

 

My problem is I'm icredibley shy and I've never been very good at conversation I even struggle with converstation with my m8s I find I lose intrest inconversation easy if it dosn't intrest me.

I do have intrests but I'm frightend I might start to bore people. I am very hard work to talk too

 

I conscious of the way I dress and look I worry about my hair its gettin abit thin but I do have some girl m8s and I kinda confide in them on how I dress and look, they tell me its ok all the time and to leave my hair its best as it is, But I don't know I want to make a good inpression so I do get noticed by girls.

 

I just don't want to be single for the rest of my life I spend all my days dreaming of finding love and I feel more run down than ever about it now, as alot of my friends have girlfriends now or have got married and here I am just can only dream about it.

[Glorie]

Getting old? Losing your looks? You're 23!! Honestly, relax and don't stress about marriage at such a young age. Lots of early marriages end up disastrous and the man and woman both regret spending their 20s tied down; now is the time to enjoy your freedom and independence. I don't mean sleeping around! Travel, find the career you are passionate about, continue your studies, meet interesting people, do whatever, just do it for yourself, and you will be a more well-rounded, confident, and happy individual who is emotionally ready for a relationship.

 

If you are struggling with confidence right now, you're not the only one. That's what your 20s is all about - finding out who you are. Work on building your self esteem through doing things you enjoy and are good at - this is how you'll meet people. You say you're not a good conversationalist - keep working at it and this is a skill you can improve. It will come with maturity, too, because as you get older you'll be more comfortable in your own skin and as a result find it easier to talk with others.

 

I believe that love comes when it comes; when it's your turn you will meet the woman who loves you just the way you are,and isn't that what you want rather than having to be someone you're not? I found my guy when I wasn't looking for a guy - when I stopped stressing about being single and just started living. I had my own interests and my own life and thereforeeee more to give to a relationship. I'm in my early 30's and after all I've experienced and accomplished in the last 10 years I don't regret for a moment not getting married early.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, work on becoming the happiest, most fulfilled single person you can be first and foremost; then you'll find that love will come. And you'll know it's the right time and the right person.

 

Good luck.

[Hope75]

Welcome to enotalone!

 

I hardly called 23 "getting old", or "losing your looks".

 

I think you probably have a great chance at meeting someone if you can work on your self esteem a little.

 

What kind of standards are you setting for meeting someone? Do you have any female friends?

 

Try to relax a little more and put yourself out there. If a girl approaces you and is flirty, flirt back. Smile, wave, say hello, even if you aren't interested in her it's good practice.

 

And lose the "I'm getting old/ugly" complex....most men I know get more attractive as they mature, (as in 30's, 40's and 50's) so give yourself a break and some time.

 

Have you tried online dating?

[DiscipleOfChange]

I'm 19 and in the same situation as you: been single all my life. I've realized you have to take life in strides. Progress does happen, slowly but surely, even for those of us who some might consider "behind" in the game. My most recent big step has been actually asking a girl to have a cup of coffee with me. Now, she couldn't do it after class but I'm going to ask her on Monday about setting up another time. My point is that even though I didnt actually have coffee with her, I did ask (which was a first for me).

 

Additionally, one's attitude about relationships affects how easily one finds them. I have an attitude about what a relationship should be and how it should develop that might be more mature than that of my college aged peers. The important thing for me has been not feeling bad about being single. If you do, then finding a relationship becomes a desperate quest and a fruitless one. Being single isn't fun, I know. and I know the advice people give about relaxing and not letting it get to you can sound like BS a lot of the time (I mean, we're the ones who have never been in a elationship right? and the ones talking have)

 

Consider the following advice of my manager: "Don't expect every woman you meet to be the love of your life, for you to hold forever and forever. At the same time, DO expect every woman you meet to be a potential girlfriend."

 

It's good advice. And also consider this, while it would be great if the woman of our dreams came up to us on the street and threw her arms around us telling us how much she loved us and how long she'd searched for us, ...would that really, in the end, be as rewarding as finding her and taking the steps to make a relationship happen on our own?

 

Be strong and find other ways to spend your time. I sympathize with you, I really do. Don't let it bog you down and be confident. and 23 is not old dude.

 

 

May you find whatever iit is you are searching for in life/

 

~Mark

[smallworld]

Like anything else in life, the things that are most worthwhile take time and effort. If you're shy, instead of worrying about climbing a mountain (landing a relationship), focus on the first step, coming out of your shell and learning to finding common ground with anyone (old, young, or crazy).

 

As a shy person myself, one of the most important things I've learned is that as shy as I am, the world is full of people who aren't thinking about what's "wrong" with me. What I'm trying to say is often times shy people prejudge themselves as 'less than' and thereforeeee eliminate themselves from taking social risks when reaching out to others is the surest path to forming new relationships and eventually finding love. The key out of this self-fulfilling trap is to change our focus from what is wrong with ourselves to what is right (and fascinating!) about the people around us.

 

The most welcome conversationalists aren't those that have the most interesting things to say, but are the most interested in what others have to say. Good conversation is a dance of give and take. If you're not so comfortable giving (talking about yourself), try taking. Assume everyone you meet has a story to tell and approach them as if it's your job to find that story. Make it a game to find common ground. If conversation doesn't come naturally to you, ACT as if it does by pretending you're Barbara Walters and it's your job to be nosy.

 

Smile. If you're not comfortable doing anything else, just try smiling and beaming loving thoughts to as many people as you make your way through this world. Not everyone will reciprocate, but more often than not, the love will be returned. You'll feel good and you never know who else's day you might have made. This technique will also help make you comfortable with approaching others in general.

 

Next up: Empathy. See the cashier behind the counter? Does she look tired? Ask her how her day's going and mean it. See if you can make her smile or laugh by making fun of your purchases. You'd be surprised by how far a kind word or a laugh at a tough moment can mean the world to someone who's having a challenging day. And you never know who else might be watching...

 

Thirdly when you do meet a person of interest, focus on getting to know as much about them as possible -- what they like, love, want, need, and enjoy in this life. Scratch beneath the surface to discover and admire the passions of others, aka "their real selves", and you'll find yourself naturally making lifelong friends, because most people never bother to ask the questions that go to the heart of who we really are. Care and you'll find yourself deeply appreciated and someone both men and women (!!!) sincerely want to know, befriend, and love.