Communication Problem

[gersanos]

Hi. Just looking for some ways that I can improve my communication techniques here. Havn't posted on this site in a while, but could use some feedback.

 

I don't have a problem talking with anyone for the most part. I'll strike up a conversation with a random stranger. My problem, or what I believe is my problem, is how I communicate when I am upset/stressed/hurt. I don't want to just accept that that's the way men are, but, I realize that I can improve upon how I communicate when under conflict/tension.

 

 

Example: With a girl I've been dating, we just got into a string of fights recently. She's in grad school, and that just started back up for her, and I'm busy with work and preparing to take the exams for grad school. Don't know if it's just the change and stress that came on recently, or just a loss of interest that's been causing the fights. Anyway, after one of our last fights, the very next day we we're talking and I said to her "I don't feel the connection." Well, she freaked out on me. Told me that I'm weirding her out. Another fight between us.

 

Here's the point: I don't want to break up with her, but, a few friends told me that if they heard that from there SO than they would take that as the person wants out and there is no hope. I felt bummed when I heard that from them. I understood where they were coming from, but, I didn't mean it that way. What I meant was that I don't like all the fighting, why are we fighting, and why can't we just be like we were a couple weeks ago before all of this started. I didn't say that at the time because I was overwhelmed with things in my mind/life. Too much stress. So as of right now things are really rocky. I'm trying to just focus on my stuff primarily.

 

How can I better communicate with people I date when things get a little rocky? I know I can do it better with some people versus others. But I know this is an area where I can improve upon and learn. I did not mean to be insensitive for saying that, but now I basicaly feel like a jerk.

[randy]

What I meant was that I don't like all the fighting, why are we fighting, and why can't we just be like we were a couple weeks ago before all of this started. I didn't say that at the time because I was overwhelmed with things in my mind/life. Too much stress. So as of right now things are really rocky. I'm trying to just focus on my stuff primarily.

 

i would just say that to her. Now you sound like your're a really busy guy. Do you have time for her ?