is there silence/refusing to contact an advantage ?

[scorchio]

hi all,

 

I have being doing N/C for about 3months (she dumped me 4 1/2 months ago) now which has made me come along alot, I am growing stronger.

I want to be a positive person I want to appear and be happy, stronger and moving on

up to a point I am,

 

would love her to come back to me tho and that phone to ring out of blue, I am waiting by it a bit less now.

 

my question is, she has not contacted me since we split (4 1/2 months ago) not even bumped into eachother, I read alot of posts where its good to appear to your ex you are moving on stronger etc ........ and alot of people even see there ex's in passing (I dont)

 

Can this still have an effect to your ex (the dumper) if you have had NO contact at all ???? i.e. how will they realise you are moving on, stronger without them, changed etc if they havent had any contact with you whatsoever.

 

Is it even more of an advantage to you (the dumpee) that there has been no contact phone text sight anything ???????

 

Anyones advice please !!!!!!!!!

[darkblue]

C'mon Scorchio.

 

You must realise that it's not about spite, or 'Oh, I cant wait to see her face when she realises I'm strong and happy".

 

You're not doing this to get back at her; you're doing this for yourself!

 

It's your life and you're doing this to help yourself.

 

Feel the freedom! You don't have to see her, hear from her or report to her, You're Free!

 

Don't try and get over her hoping that she'll one day see you and think "why did I dump him!?", Get over her so that one day you can be happy with someone that you deserve and deserves you. She didn't see what she had, and didn't want it. One day you'll have someone that wants you.

 

Keep strong.

 

Take Care.

[settinuplife]

yeah, the less contact the better. Not running into her is good too, I see that running into her is a form of contact that you should avoid otherwise you will have to start over. I did strict NC w/my ex for 2 mos. didn't run into her, call her and she called after 2 mos. angry at first but that turned to sadness. My ex just thought I forgot her and didn't care and she slowly started making contact w/me.

 

I bet a million dollars she is wondering about you and is thinking that you moved on and don't need her and that is the best way to spark her curiosity, and I bet she will call you again, sometimes it just takes time, she may be stubborn too.

[scorchio]

she is a very stubborn person, always has done, she always used to admit it herself and that is how she dealt with being angry with someone or dealing with an argument.

 

you cant be angry forever. surely!!!

 

I didnt mean the question in the way it may have sounded by getting her back, not at all.

 

just meant that why I am being strong N/C (well trying LOL), and her not contacting me since splitting up does that make the dumper hurt within in more because they not letting it out!!! I suppose I mean surely the hurt within however stubborn they and are trying to be will come out sometime/one day.

 

And to add,

doesent mean I will nescessarly be there if !! that happenned

[dontknowwhattodo]

My ex started to contact me after "5 months". After certain time passes by, it is likely that your ex will start wondering about your whereabouts and how you are. It is human nature. So, hang in there. The most important thing is you should be happy that you are stronger than ever and so is she. When both parties are able to move on, it is likely that they will eventually be able to talk again.

[NU_BLUE]

Very true....NC for me about 2.5 months and she calls me acouple days ago just out of the blue. I haven't seen her since she left. I didn't answer the phone, however, because I didn't want to talk to her.... Not seeing them help alot, I feel for those who have to see their ex often.

[yo]

Hey all,

 

I don't get one point - Just like I'm doing NC, even she's doing NC. So, why would she bother calling me. She dumped me and wanted us to be friends. I tried it.. was too hard. So, told her that I don't want to speak to her till I completely heal. She promised me that she would'nt call up and would do anything to help me get over her!

 

But, still there's that faint hope that she'll call up, maybe just to find out how I am doing. It's been two weeks and she hasn't bothered. But, NC is the way to go. I think if I speak to her now I'll have to start over all again. But, I just want to know, out of curiosity, if she ever thinks about me or is she happy and content with her new b/f.

[scorchio]

I am trying to keep strong, and slowly I am moving on and remaining focused in that,

 

but it dosent stop me wanting that text or email out of blue,

I miss her alot, 4 1/2months split up.

 

do the dumpers feelings tear them apart down the line eventually, we the dumpees are going through the heartache and pain at momement , do the dumpers get that tearing missing feeling eventually ? i.e the regrets or the grass isnt always greener etc.

 

if there is silence from us the dumpee, that surely must effect the ex (dumper) in some way

the N/C is for me, I totally understand that and it is helping me move slowly on day by day, but would be nice for her to miss me or think about me or at least wonder about me lol.

[Mstyiyd]

I would like to believe that the dumpers in this world do feel "something" for us dumpees.....mere curiosity if nothing else. I am in a similar situation and I think my ex is very curious about what is going on with me (nothing other than the usual, not ready to date anyone , not much of a dater anyway, focusing on getting healthy) but she is stubborn as anything and I dont know if and when she'll call me.

Secretly I wish more than anything she would, even just to say hi, because that will mean at least she still cares in a way, even if its not what i want.......my advice is to stay strong for yourself, remain as positive as you can......do a Nicole Kidman thing! Let everyone know how classy you are and never talk bad @ your ex.

I havent heard from my ex in a few wks.......lets compare notes if and when we do!

Good luck!

[NU_BLUE]

I am trying to keep strong, and slowly I am moving on and remaining focused in that,

 

but it dosent stop me wanting that text or email out of blue,

I miss her alot, 4 1/2months split up.

 

do the dumpers feelings tear them apart down the line eventually, we the dumpees are going through the heartache and pain at momement , do the dumpers get that tearing missing feeling eventually ? i.e the regrets or the grass isnt always greener etc.

 

if there is silence from us the dumpee, that surely must effect the ex (dumper) in some way

the N/C is for me, I totally understand that and it is helping me move slowly on day by day, but would be nice for her to miss me or think about me or at least wonder about me lol.

 

The best way to really answer this is to think about it if you were in their shoes. Think about it...If you dumped someone for what you thought was a "good" reason would you want to try and contact that person you dumped....? More than likely not..... Over time, things change so thats different.